Chaos in the Resident Evil World!
by sheshe21
Summary: This fan fic is just a little crazy thing I cooked up. Basically, the first chapter is..hehe. Just read. If you have ideas, read the Authors note and review. Give me some ideas. Remember, this was written veeeery late. Prepare for the wierd.
1. Chapter 1: First victim: Wesker!

**Authors Note: Hello! Welcome Strangers! This is a story that will be weird,crazy, and funny! Well, that is if you are in to this kind of thing! This first chapter is dedicated to Becca! Enjoy!**

**Chaos in the Resident Evil world!**

**Chapter 1: First victim: Albert Wesker!**

Albert Wesker sat in his dark office, trying to come up with a plan to retake over the Umbrella company that he restarted. His dream was dashed to bits by all those back stabbing partners of his. The ones who were eager to donate money to the new and improved Umbrella. But after what happened in 2004 in Spain, Ada losing th sample which Wesker new was a lie, and Leon still alive, well, it basically was the beginning of the end of his reign! The partners overpowered him eventually this year, now he was in the same position he was in last time when the former leaders were over the old Umbrella. For his evil cunning to be wasted as a sapporting role was unthinkable!

What really is the icing on the cake is that a crazy girl keeps calling his cell number! He tried tracing the calls, changing numbers, you name it, he did it. But what was really creepy, he always had this feeling since the mansion that he was being watched. By millions of eyes, and the girl calling him was one of those pairs of eyes watching him. Like if he was in a game or something. In fact, right now he feels that a certain red haired young woman is writing about him right now as he is sitting there and thinking this..._I'm cracking uuuuup! I'm going to turn out like...like...that old senile cult freak! Saddler!., _thought Wesker as he only showed a hint of his emotions.

"I got to take a vacation...I know, I'll go find Chris and kill the idiot," Wesker said with a slight smile. Just then, his cell phone began playing that song, "I'm to sexy for my shirt" spong. He answered it with his usual cold voice.

"Speak or die."

"Hello, I'm calling for a Seemore Butts," said a voice that was trying to hard to disguise the voice.

"I'm sorry you idiot. But this is a cell phone of a Albert Wesker. There is no Seemore Butts."

"Errrrr. But Seemore Butts gave me this number to get intouch with him."

"Well, you have been giving a wrong number," Wesker said with a irritated voice.

"Can you ask around? Maybe he's around there?," the voice asked politely. Wesker groweled and got up from his chair and left his office.

"Where do you exactly want me to ask?"

"Down at the lab. He works in the tyrant lab."

Wesker walked over to the lab and went through the glass doors. Every one stopped what they were doing and nervously looked at the man dressed in black.

"Alright. I need to see Seemore Butts please. Seemore Butts," he asked the nervous scientists. They looked at one another and then looked back at him. Was he serious?! The niave ones didn't get ti as others who did began to chuckle. One non to bright scientist shrugged his shoulder and walked up to Wesker and pulled his pants down and mooned the stunned Wesker. He said with a chuckle,"See more butts sir?"

Realisation dawned on the blond, his face turning red with anger. He kicked the man in the rear, sending the scientist up in the air, through all the window (Their on thetwenty first floor. Plus don't forget that Wesker has been genetically inhanced, a super freak.) and up, up, and away he went...screaming while pulling his pants up. Everyone went back to work, really not caring what just happened.

Wesker walked out of there while saying in his ever so cool, menacing voice,"Very funny my prank caller. Soon, I'll find you." The caller laughed and hung up. "Soon."

**Meanwhile, back in Washington D.C.**

Claire Redfield was sipping her usual morning coffee, waiting for her ever clueless guy she has been sending signals to but he's just to dense or whatever to realise that she liked him and...hehe. She was waiting on Leon to come by and have his usual morning coffee with her before he went to work. She tapped her foot wich was in a reindeer slipper. She nated when he was on time for everything else, but never on time for their morning coffee and breakfest.

The kitchen telephone began ringing, causing her to jump up and spill some of her hot coffee on her bathrobe. "Crap! OOOOOO That's HOT!" she hollared in pain and anger. After taking of the robe, she got up out of her chair and picked up the phone on the wall.

"Hello...Hello? Leon is that you?"

A wheezing breathing sound came from the other end, sounding like a perverted caller who has asma. She sighed and hung up. "That was weird," she remarked as she began walking back to her chair. The phone began ringing again. She let out a sigh of irritation and answered it again.

"Heelloooo! Hellooooooo! "

"Wheeeeeeeeeeez Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssss"

"Okay buddy, that's enough! Stop calling or you'll face the consequences!" She hung up with a little bit more force than last time. She began walking away when the phone rang again.

"Okay, that's it! I'm getting the whistle!" she said as she rummaged through the kitchen drawers. She had one drawer that she sometimes threw random items in when she was in a real hurry. She found her whistle that she had since she was a kid and hurried over and answered the phone.

"Breath this PERVERT! She yelled into the phone. She put the whistle to her lips and blew. After blowing till she was out of breath, she spoke into the phone,"There! I think I made my point!" and she hung up with a smile of triamph.

Leon hung up the phone and shook his head as his right ear was still ringing from that phone call.

"What was that all about?!" Leon said as he staggered out the door of his apartment.

**Back with Wesker**

Wesker walked down the hall with a thunderous look on his face. Who would dare embarrass him like this?! They either were very smart, or veeery stupid. And Wesker was leaning more on the ladder. He was almost to his office when he recieved another call. He groaned and answered the call.

"Hello, Wesker?" said the female voice. Except this time, it sounded like the voice was near by, not just on his phone. He began steeping toward each of the offices, listening in.

"Yeah..."

"The higher ups have contacted me...YOU'RE FIRED!!"

The girl heard silence. She smiled evily.

Wesker stopped in his tracks, fear in his gut. Could it be? Did the jerks actually had this girl calling him to get him in this state so that they could firre him? Making him crack?

"AND THEY HIRED ME!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaaaaaa! Muah!HAhahahahahaahhaaaaa!" the teenager laughed crazily. Wesker started to run toward the office that the loud laughter was coming from. _I'm going to kill her!!! No living soul has ever got me fired and stole my job! _he thought with rage.

Young Becca stopped laughing as she heard footsteps ruuning in the direction of the office she was hiding in. She couldn't believe he was actually going to kill her! Wow! Cool! Wesker was trying to kill her like he tries to kill Chris in the game...AAAAAAAAAH!

"Oh CRAP! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!" she screamed to herself as she ran out of the office and ran screaming toward the elevaters.

"You're dead! Come back here! I need information about the higher ups! I need to know so I can kill them tooo!" he yelled as he quickly was catching up with her. He was actually enjoying it, chasing the frightened girl. He decided to prolong the chase. After all, he had nothing better to do.

Suddenly, a bscuit flew through the air and smack him right in between the eyes. He stumbled a bit, shocked at what hit him. Soon, a whole bunck more biscuits were being chunked at him. He put his hands in front of his face, trying to ward off the biscuits.

Becca laughed manicaly as she through biscuits from her backpack. She took a bunch from the cafeteria room in this building...They were hard as rocks. Weskerheld his head as a headache was forming from all the biscuits. He figured it was from Umbrella's secret recipe. Nobody ever ate the secret recipe biscuits, they either groaned or chipped your tooth.

The biscuits stopped, giving Wesker some relief. He saw the young woman get in a elevater. He cursed loudly, not to happy with this situation. As he began to walk, a biscuit began to moan like a zombie. He looked down at the lone biscuit, it slowly was moving towared his booted foot. He rolled his eyes and began stomping the thing to death. It cried out dramatically, saying weakly as he went toward the computer lab to find out what floor she was on,"We will multiply! You can't stop my friends from evenging my deeaaaath!" Then the poor but seriously freaky biscuit died. A pet licker walked by and gobbled up the rest of the living biscuits. Guess there won't be a avenging the leader biscuits death. Just another day in Resident Evil world.

**Authors Note: Oooookaaaay, that was wierd. It's one in the morning, so this is NOT my best work, buut I'm seriously tired so ...hehe. Please review. If I continue, I promise the story will get better as it goes along. More characters will be added to it. And if anyone wants to be included in this story, write and tell me. Tell me what character you want to torment and how! That's all! Review! **

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	2. Chapter 2: Luis meets a Fan

**Authors Note: Thank you everyone who read and reviewed this weird but funny story! You peeebles are the best! Okay, this chapter will contain more craziness and some more fans of Resident Evil! This chapter is dedicated to a certain cool fan out there. I hope you like the chapter! Your sister requested it! Enjoy!**

**Chaos in the Resident Evil World!**

**Chapter 2: Luis Sera meets a fan and his sister**

Luis Sera smiled as he walked down the mall, noticing all the American women around. He really loved America! Beautiful women, plenty of entertainment, freedom of speech, no Spanish cults tring to infect the world with Los Plagas, it was all good. Ever since waking up in that castle after being killed by Saddler, Luis decided to never talk or have anything to do with Spanish evil labs. Never trust a company who seems to know everything about you. They have you killed, and then forget about that you!

Luis shook his head as he went inside a music store. He needed to buy some comforting music, something to help him relax a bit. Some pretty cheerleaders giggled and blushed as he walked by. With his shoulder length black hair, smooth tan along sith his nice clothes plus his accent, he's been quite a lady killer lately. Not literaly. He gave a charming smile as he rummaged through some CD's. They giggled some more and walked away, talking about the latin man. He shook his head in amusement and continued looking for some music.

Luis had a strange feeling that he was being watched. He ignore the feeling as he continued going through the CD's, not noticing the boy standing behind him. The boy was staring wide eyed at the tall Spaniard. He was just in shock of seeing this man. The man in his Resident Evil 4 game!

Luis turned around, with a CD in hand and almost ran into the young fan. He looked down startled and gave a half smile. 'Hey there little amigo. I didn't see you there. ...Can I help you with something?" Luis asked the gaping young man. The boy was looking up at Luis with a glazed look on his face. Luis began feeling a little nervous, the boy was staring at him like he was a movie star or something. He studied the boy, noticing his short brownish hair. It was spiked up like with gell, looking like a bit of a Chris Redfield style. He was short, making him look a bit younger than he is. But his face and shape of body said other wise. He had a twelvish thirteenish look. But to Luis, he really couldn't tell what age the young male was. And he wished he would stop staring at him.!

The boy finally spoke,"I don't believe it! You can't be real! I mean, your dead!" the boy said dramatically while pointing a finger at the startled Luis. Some people gave them strange looks but lost interest, this seemd to be a every day thing. Luis gave a small fake smile as he slowly slid away from the now smiling young man. He backed away, wandering if the wrong people found out he was alive, and were coming for him. Maybe this kid was one of _them!_

"Uuum. Heh. Heh. I think you have me mixed up with someone else, kid. I...got to go!" Luis said. He turned around and ran out of the store department. A lady clerk hollared out, "Hey! You didn't pay for that! Come back here! Security!" Luis cursed at his jitterness. He let a kid sike him out, causing him to accidentaly steal the stupid CD! Now he will have to lay low from security, maybe he'll go to the snack area.

Leon stopped running and acted casual as he walked to the food court. He ordered some burger and fries from the MacDonald's and sat down with his food. He was about to take a bite when he heard behind him,"Hey Luis! You left before we could talk!" Luis dropped the burger back on the tray as he jumped out of his chair. He swung around and saw that boy standing behind him, smiling. The boy rolled his eyes and said,"Sit back down. I'm not going to hurt ya, man. I'm just a fan!" The boy sat across from Luis and grabbed some of Luis's fries and began eating them hungrily.

Luis sat down and said with a sarcastic voice,"Help yourself."

"Thanks! I'm a bit hungry...Mmm. Needs cheese...I like cheeze!"

Luis crossed his arms and looked at the boy. The boy was waring a black shirt with the words written on the front in large letters, saying, "Resident Evil 4." Luis decided to ask the kid a question. "How do you know my name?" Luis asked with a serious gaze. The boy stopped chewing and gave a weak laugh,"Um, Lucky guess. You seemed like a Luis. My name's Jeremy. Jeremy Samuel Robinson." Luis smiled at Jeremy's way of avoiding the question.

Jeremy had alot of questions for the video game character. Like why is he in the real world, and why he's even alive. But apparently, the guy didn't seem to know he was a game character.Or did he...

"So ...How did you know I died? Do you work for -"

"Hey you! Come back here theif!," yelled a chubby security guard as he rantowared Luis. Luis cursed and grabbed his burger and ran. Jeremy followed suit, smiling from all the craziness of their situation. Luis glared at the young man and ran down to Victoria's secret. He quickly ran inside a empty changing room and closed and locked the door behind him_. There! Now I can eat in peace_!, thought the Spaniard as he began to try to eat his burger. As he bit down into the burger, it mooed at him angrily. Luis let out a girly scream and dropped the burger. Jeremy pocked his head under the door of the changing room and grinned. Luis jumped and let out a whole bunch of latin curses.

Jeremy crawled under and picked up the burger. It mooed at him angrily, which in turn caused Jeremy to drop it. "What's going on here?!. Jeremy yelled as the burger tried to hop away. Luis just stared at the boy. "Well, what are we going to do now?", asked Jeremy.

**Meanwhile, back at the food court**

"A Big Mac on the double!", hollared the teenager cashier. The kitchen fry cook grumbled as he put more patties on the grill. His grumbling grew louder as the Resident Evil 2 zombie burnt his rotting flesh. It took him about a minute to move his hand away from the grill, causing him to curse in his zombie language.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeer!" he groaned as the meat began to come to life. He slowly whacked the meat, trying to keep it on the grill. It whimpered and mooed as he flipped the patty. After not being used in any of the other Resident

evil games, he found himself out of a job. Since he was probably the most intelligent zombie who ever walked the earth, he was able to find a job after wondering the roads all these years. It sucked not lookin like the new and improved zombies. But soon, they'll be joining him, getting replaced by the Resident Evil 5 zombie's. He let out a zombie chuckle as he thought about the aombie's all out of the job. They'll just have to eat other people's brains for a while.

"Hey you! You're burning the big Mac patties! That's the fifth time today! Your fi- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed the teenager maneger as the zombie tackled him and began munching on his head. Everyone cheered and continued they're work. Nobody knew that all the burgers that the zombie made was infected with the Resident Evil 2 T-virus! Soon...THEY'LL TURN INTO A NOT AS GOOD ANIMATED ZOMBIES FROM THE RESIDENT EVIL 2 GAME!

**Back to Luis and Jeremy**

" Um, we better get you back to your mommy amigo," Luis said nervously as they left Victoria's Secret. Jeremy's face looked angry as he glared at Luis. "I'm twelve years old. Just because I"

"Sorry Jeremy. I'm just a little rattled. But you couldn't have got here by yourself. You don't got a license," he said while looking over his shoulder. Jeremy shrugged and said,"My older sister and I were dropped off by our mom. My sister should be around here somewhere."

Luis nodded and followed Jeremy up on the escalater. As they stepped off, Jeremy pulled Luis over to the Gaming section. "Oooo! In here!" Luis groaned as he was pulled in to the videogame store. He was being chased by a bunch of securityy guards, acuused of stealing, and being stalked by a kid who claimed to be his biggest fan. Althugh he had to admit he like the kid.

"Jeremy! You were sapposed to meet me here twenty minutes ago! I-" The young short woman stopped when she saw who was standing next to her brother. She rubbed her eyes to check if she was seeing things. Jeremy grinned and said,"Yep. It's him! The real deal!" Jeremy said while walking over to his sister. Luis stuck out his hand and said,"Luis Sera. And you are?..."

"Amy Robinson. Um..What are you doing with my brother and...How? Um..." She looked a little confused. Luis smiled, thinking she was feeling a bit shy around his good looks. He gave her a charming smile and said,"Well Amy, I'm glad to meet such a bueaty!" He noticed her auburnish, brownish semi long hair, her blue shirt and white shorts, and her height that was around the same as her younger brother. She was a little taller, but not by much. He thought she was a cuty! She rolled her eyes and said,"Yeah, that's him alright! Trust me, I'm to young for you." Luis tried to explain that he wasn't hitting on her, he was just remarking on her pretty features and-

"There he is! And he got that poor kid in on the job! Get them!" yelled the chubby security officer as two more fitter guards ran inside the game store. Amy's eyes widened as Jeremy grabbed her hand and ran behind Luis as they were chased through out the small store. She looked down at her brother as he chunked games at the officers.

"What did you two do!" she yelled as Luis pushed a cart of games at the security officers. Jeremy just yelled his favorite saying since he was not wanting to make Luis look bad," I LIKE CHEEEEEEEEZE!" Luis hollared,"SEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

**Back in Washington D.C.**

Leon opened the door to Claire's apartment. His ear still was ringing from earlier when Claire blew that whistle in the phone. Speaking of which, Claire was upstairs getting dressed, which left poor Leon by his lonesome. He walked to the kitchen and pored himself a cup of coffe. He sat down and began sipping the hot coffee. He didn't notice or hear Claire walk in the door. She smiled at Leon, who had his back turned to her. She said softly,"About time big guy."

Lein didn't hear her, he was sitting their enjoying his cup of Joe. Claire started to get aggervated with him, so she went over and slapped him on the back of his head. This caused him to jerk the coffee up to his face, splattering hot, hot coffee in hhis poor face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH! HHOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" screamed the agent as he flew out of the chair and ran into the wall, since the coffee sort of blinded him for the moment. Claire stared in shock at the unconcious Leon laying on the floor.

"Oh crap. Leon!"she hollared as she grabbed a ice pack out of the freezer. She held it to his head, knowing he was gioing to have a painful awakening. She felt horrible! She shook him and tried to rouse him when the phone started to ring. She groaned and got up off the kitchen floor and answered the phone.

"Whoever it is, this is a bad time," she said with frustration.

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeze Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez rar," answered the creepy caller. She screamed and tore the phone off the wall. (That girl is strong when she wants to be

**Back to Luis and the **Robinsons

"I think we lost them," Amy oanted as she sat down on the bench in front of a big fountain. The other two sat next to her and nodded their heads. She turned her attention to her younger brother and said,"What is going on! First you are late meeting me at the game store, then this guy shows up!"

Jeremy shrugged his shoulders and pointed at Luis,"He forgot to pay for a CD which the sales clerk freaked out. Then I followed him and wanted to find out how he is still alive when next thing I know a security guard starts chasing us. Then the cheeseburger came to life and mooed and tried to, well, I think it tried to bite us or something."

She glared at Luis who was to tired to defend himself. He got up and said,"Adios! I'm out of here my friends. This is just getting to weird for me. I don't know how you know me, but frankly, I don't care. I'm tired of being chased so bye and Good Luck to the both of you." He left and hurried toward the doors that led out of this crazy place.

Jeremy got up and ran after him with Amy behind.

"I want to know how he is still alive!" Jeremy said while chasing Luis. Amy smiled and said,"I just want to bug him!" They grinned and caught up with the exasperated Spaniard.

He stopped and said,"Why are y-" He stopped when they saw that a huge herd of Macdonald burgers rushing over and blocking the entrance.

"What the?" Luis asked with a freaked out expression. The angry burgers hollered,"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Then a herd of hard Umbrella biscuits appeared in front of the three stunned hroup. The biscuits apparently wanted to get them, they didn't want the burgers to get their prey. The air was tense as the two groups argued.

"This is our enemies who we want to eat! Back off ya bunch of Cow patties!" the biscuits hollered in anger.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"That's fighting words ya low life, artery clogging beefers! WE say BURGERS SUCK!"

This got the burgers ticked off, which caused them to xharge the biscuits. The two armies swarmed each other and began fighting which was really weird. Ketchup, biscuit pieces, tomatoes and beef and buns and crumbs of biscuits were flung in the air as the battle was on. The three gave each other looks and ran around the battle, trying to stay out of it. On the way, Luis accidentally knocked over a basket that held old gamer magazines. One of which was Resident Evil 4 stratagy guide. Luis picked it up and saw Leon on the cover. His eyes git huge as he looked through the book.

The other two tried to keep him going so that they could escape, but failed to budge him. He looked at him and said,"I know what's going on!" They looked at him with sad expressions. He found out he was a video game character. But instead, he surprised them and said,"This is a conspiracy! CAPCOM has beeen spying on certain people! Look! They made our crappy tale into a game! B-------! I have to tell Leon! Time for me to come out of the closet!" The looks on the other two faces made Luis realise he saed something freaky.

"No!No! Not THE closet! I meant to come out of retirement! Hiding! Show everyone I am still alive!" Luis said with determination. The other two looked relieved yet worried. He just didn't get it.

He grabbed their hands and said ,"Now I know why you know so much about me. I better get you home. This place is crazy."

They followed him outside and stopped at the sight. This was not the same city that their mom dropped them off at. This was a totally different place.

"Oh crap!" the siblings said together.

"Luis...What town is this?" asked Amy. Luis looked at them with a puzzled look and replied,"The new Raccoon City."

**Authors Note: Okey Dockey! This was a chapter mostly about Jeremy and Amy. Hope this was a good start for their whacky adventure! Like I said before, if anyone wants to be in the story, tell me what you look like, a little something about yourself, what character you want to annoy, and any friends you want in it too! Please Review! And I hope Jeremy and Amy liked the chapter! You guys will be having more whacky things to do and cause mayhem on Luis! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! **

**NO biscuits and hamburgers were seriously harmed in the making of this chapter... Except when they killed each other. Oh! And Jeremy, I'll be adding a little bit more info about you! Muah!Hahahahahahahaaaaa! Like your dog and friend! I just need more info on the dog so he can be in the story to! **


	3. Chapter 3: This is going to be a Bad Day

**Authors Note: Hey! Thanks for the reviews! Yaaaaaaaaaaay! I got another character for ya, thanks to nekoninjal23! This character was a character that nekoninjal23 said I could use in my story, and you peebles are going to like this one. Aaaaand, more chaos with Becca, and Amy and Jeremy! Muah!Hahahahahahhahahhahahhaaaaa! Enjoy!**

**Chaos in the Resident Evil World!**

**Chapter 3: This is Going to be a Bad Day**!

"Uuuum. Sorry sir, but we didn't find any info on that young woman," Wesker heard the nervous techinican tell him. That was not what he wanted to hear! He bent down and got in the sitting computer geek's face, saying in a evil but calm voice,"So keep looking...Did you find where she was going?" The young man pushed his glasses up back on his nose and said while trying to hold his gaze in such close proximity.

"W-w-we l-l-lost her on the twentieth floor. Our cameras was malfunctioning on that floor, so when we got the problem cleared up, we couldn't find her," the poor man said with all out honesty. He saw his scared reflection in Wesker's black shades, causing him to feel even more afraid what the man would do to him. To his fear, he saw two red dots shine behind the shades. He knew that this meant he was in big trouble. But to his relief, Wesker just said in his usual cold voice,"If you do not find the girl, you will be food for Neptune. Is that clear?" The man whimpered and nodded his head.

Wesker got out of the man's space and left the small, security, data room. His headache was getting worse. And the cause of it? That teenager! He memorised her every feature in the short period he saw her. She looked about 5'6, brown hair that was in a ponytail, and hazel eyes. She wore a Black shirt that had "Resident Evil Code Veronica:X", written in a red writing. Veronica... Coincidence? Maybe not. But he'll think about that later. He needed a nap, working forty eight hours straight was starting to give him bags under the eyes. Even a super human can get tired.

He took out his cell as he made a special call on his way to the elevater.

"Amix, are you done with your morning ritual?" He asked as he pushed the call button for the elevater.

"Yes. Ran ten miles, went to shooting practice and just got through with the reflex test. Is something wrong?" her smooth cat like voice spoke over the phone. Wesker smiled. He was really glad that she was through. She had Add, wich got on his evil nerves at times, so he had her work out three hours a day in the mornings to get her mind a bit ready for the day. Well, the real reason was to keep her in tune with her body and senses. If anyone is wandering what ADD is, it's Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Look it up on the internet to find out more. It helped my family with my cousin.Okay, getting away from the story.

"Problem is that I had a confrontation sith my stalker phone caller. But she got away and my people can't seem to find her. I was going to get some rest, but while I do, I want you to find this girl...Confine her, but don't kill her. Drop by with my secretary and get the info waiting for you. Wake me at 4:00 this afternoon. But if you find her before that time, wake me anyways," he said with an authoritive tone. He hung up without saying goodbye. After all, she was only his bodyguard and right hand woman when he needed dirty work done.

Amix's red eyes gleamed with the thought of something to hunt. Her black cat ears with some red stripes twitched at the sound of a scientist nervously bringing her gym bag that had her clothes and aquipment ready. She gleamed at the man and jumped on him, startling him as they fell to the ground. Her tail red striped swung back and forth as the humanoid cat stared at the frightened scientist. She smiled brightly and said,"Thaaaank you Norman! Now I don't have to kill everyone in the locker room to get to my bag!...But next time, be quicker. I hate waiting."

Norman gulped and nodded his head. Amix got off him with grace like a cat and heelped the man up. He tried to smile at the mood changing woman and asked as he gave her the bag,"So. Did you take your medication?" She smiled and said,"Don't I always?" She shook her head, her white hair raining sweat drops on the floor. She called out as she walked away," I'm heading for the showers, can ya get my rifle ready? I'll be needing tranquilser darts today for the new prey."

**Back to Luis, Jeremy and Amy again! Yay**!

"Luis! We can't be in Raccoon City! Our-" Amy tried to explain as Luis interupted her. "That's New Raccon City. This isn't the last one. That other Raccoon City was nuked. This one was built on the other side of the Arkley mountains. But I am starting to feel that coming to this new small city was a bad idea. Weird things, Americanos. Weird things." Jeremy gave his sister a freaked out yet strangely excited look. She didn't look at all excited. Well, maybe a little. But who builds a city on the same mountain as the last and- grr! This sucks!

"So, where do you live?" Luis asked as they walked along the street. Jeremy answered while staring at a man selling hotdogs on the corner,"In another dimension." Luis gave a half smile and said,"Haha! You kids and your jokes. Really, I need to know so I can drive you home. Unless your mother is coming to get you, then we'll just wait by the hotdog stand." Amy looked at her brother uncertainly, wandering what to say to this determined man. Jeremy shrugged and said,"Mom isn't coming to get us because we don't live anywhere near here. You're stuck with us till we figure out a way out of this dimension. Until then, I'm hungry! Let's get some hotdogs! Your treat Luis!"

Luis gave him a odd look and allowed the determined, hungry Jeremy lead him to the hotdog sstand.

**Leon starts to come around**...

Leon opened his eyes and saw a worried Claire hovering over him. He tried to smile but a sharp burning pain in his cheeks made him stop. He slowly stood up and asked with some difficulty,"What...happened?" She gave him her guilty smile and explained rather nervously,"I startled you and you..hehe. ummm. spilled coffee on yourself and ran into the wall. So how about some breakfest!" Claire clearly did not want to go into detail which told him there was more to the story. In fact, he was starting to remember. His still ringing ear from having Claire blow a whistle in it, Claire hitting him in the back of the head causing him to jerk an spill hot coffee all over his face, and finally, running into that blasted wall.

Leon glared at the nervous auborn haired young woman as she started to mix up some eggs for to scramble them. He asked finally what was on his mind since he tried to call her,"Why did you blow that whistle in the phone when I called earlier? Why did you slap me while drinking hot coffee?! And why is the phone torn out of the wall?!!" Claire stopped and put the bowl on the counter. She whipped around and answered with a glare of her own,"First, I didn't know that was you on the phone! Some creep has been calling me non stop and breating rather freakishly on the phone...Not saying anything! Second, when I came down to the kitchen, I was trying to talk to you but you ignored me so I walked over to get your attention. I'm sorry that I startled you, I never meant for all that crazy..hehehhee...crazy...Hahahahhaha! (chuckles) Crazy string of avents to happen. Forgive me?" Her head cocked in a certain way that always melted him like butter. She looked soooooo cute that way. He just had to give in.

"Yeah, I do...So when I wsa out?" he asked while looking at the torn wire on the wall where the phone used to be. She nodded and spoke as she went back to making breakfest," Yeah. The per called just after you were knocked out. I lost it and tore the phone out of the wall." Leon nodded and sat down at the table.

After finishing with the breakfest, Claire brought two big plate filled with scrambled eggs, waffles, and bacon. She smiled at Leon and bit back a giggle. His face was red like a cherry from the coffee, his forhead was developing a goose egg of a bumb, giving him the impression of a beat up cartoon character. She walked over to the window sill and grabbed a green herb out of the pot she was growing in. She crushed it and quickly made a lotion out of it by mixing with some vasaline. She walked over and handed the globby herb medicine and said,"I would put this on your head before leaving today."

Leon nodded and began putting the concoction on his whole face. When he was done, his face looked like a green version of swamp thing. Claire began to giggle as Leon ate. He ignored her and waited for the medicine to kick in. Claire began to eat herself when the doorbell rang. She got up and whent to the next room and hollared,"Just a minute!"

Leon stopped eating as he heard a faint tune he knew he heard somewhere before. It sounded oddly familiar. It was creepy and yet catchy... He got up and quickly ran to the next room. He saw Claire about to open the door, which made him yell,"Stooooooop! That music means-" But he was to late. Claire opend the door to reveal a Reginerater. Claire made a face at the wheezing and drooling creature. Her eyes lit up with fire as she pointed at the creature, yelling,"You're the perv on the phone!"

**Back to Wesker, who is now sleeping...This scene is Becca's funny idea with me having fun with the idea!!**

Becca smiled as she slowly slunk in Wesker's bedroom. She was so going to torcher the blond huminoid today. Although the kink in her plans were that he was aware of her now since blowing her cover, but that fear of being torchered only made her want to torcher the guy himself! Confusing, I know! But I'm the author so there! Hahahahhahaaaaa!

She slowly took out Wesker's boxers out of the dresser drawer. Most were black and silky, but to her surprise, there was one with kisses alover it. You know, the one you see in funny movies? And another with rubber duckies on it_. Wow! Who would of thunk? Hmmmm. Black mail? heheheheee! I'll just slip these in my pack, they'll come in handy later. Muah!Hshshshsss_! Becca thought with glee. She then took out her superglue and set out to work in his room.

**Back to Luis and the Res fans**!

"Cheese! I like cheese!" Jeremy told the hotdog man impatiently. Luis sighed and began to eat his hotdog. This was going to be a long day. He was already wanted for being a theif in the store, and now he would probably be charged with kidnapping if these two didn't tell him where they lived. He looked at Amy. Maybe he could convince her? If not, he'll just drop them off by the police station for them to handle the two. They'll finid where they live.

Amy ate her hotdog slowly, thinking of what to do next...Hmmmm. She decided to torcher Luis. After all, she was getting bored with just standing around and trying to convince the man that they don't live here. She smiled and looked up at Luis.

"So Luis. How does it fill to be the character not used in the game? I mean, even Ashley gets to be used for a short period, but you...Nope. You just get killed, slaughtered,speared like a pig, skewered and-"

"Hey! I did stuff! CAPCOM just didn't show all the crap I went through trying to get that stupid sample and medication! I did pretty well for a scientist." He said definsily. "Was I really never used in the game?" Luis asked Jeremy with wide eyes. Jeremy sighed and answered,"Yep. That really sucked! You and that rednine gun was so cool back at the house where you, Leon and Ashley was surrounded at. They should have put your story in there." luis perked up at this bit of news and gave Amy a Ah!Haa!" look. She just smiled and asked more questions,"So Luis, how's it feel to be a dead man walking?"

**Meanwhile, back in the mall...**

After finishing his meal, the zombie walked out of the MacDonald's resturant. He decided to quit, it wouldn't look good if he was still trying to work after eating that manager or assistant manager, he wasn't sure which. As he stiffly walked, he noticed that all the costumers were changing into Resident Evil 2 zombie2! He tried to smile, but his jaw crack at the pressure, causing him to have a creep, lop sided smile that seemed to be permantly stuck now. This will make things harder to eat.

The zombie stood in front of his new friends and called out in his zombie language,"Errrrrrrrrrrrr grooooooooooaaaaaan! Haarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh ererrerere mnaaaannerm grellllllllllllgroaaaaaaaaaaaan! Mmmmmmmmmm nnnnnnooooooan oooooo eeeeeerrrrrrrrr groaaaaaaaan! Ooooooooooaaaaaarrrn nhnhnhnnnnmmmmm ooooo aaaaaaaaarg. OOoooooo groan. groam." All the new zombies groan ed out back,"Grrrrrrooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" Translated New Zombies! Lend me your ears! You are now part of the new zombie revolution. My kind was dumped away from Capcom after being replaced by newer looking and better graphic zombies! Now we shall take back Resident Evil world from the idiots who doesn't know they are in a game! Capcom will pay for our pain along with the heros and anyone else who isn't a zombie! We will have the first game where us zombies are the winners! Who's with me!" New zombies reply "Okey Dockey!"

The zombie turned and began marching with his one hundred new followers. This was going to be a good day!

**Back to food wars**...

"We must stooooop!" cried out a biscuit. Everyone stopped fighting. They listened to the enggaging biscuit as he spoke,"Why are we fighting! Doesn't buns house you fellow moo zombies! Fellow biscuits! Doesn't us biscuits house the egg micmuffun or egg biscuits? We need to stop fighting each other and join into one mind and one accord in our world domination! Who's with me?"

All the creepy food stared uncertanly at one another. Could they really get along? Could they share their enmies with each other?

**Back in Wesker's bedroom**...

Becca stood back from her work and smiled. Not bad for a seventeen year old. She will call it Boxers freedom! Hehehehheee! Now to play another prank on dear Wesker!

She slowly approached the King sized bed and brought out the shaving cream and feather. This will be the finishing touches of her plan. She put a glob of shaving cream in his opened, righ palm, and then proceeded to tickly is nose with the feather. He snorted and mumbled something about world domination. She stiffled a giggle and tickled his nose again. This time he tried to swipe away the feeling with his right palm. He left a trail of cream all over his nose. She smiled and continued her trick.

**Twenty minutes later...**

Wesker's face was almost entirely covered with shaving cream. Becca's face was turning red from trying to hold in all the laughter. This was definatly a fun day! She stopped and grabbed the buckedt of syrup that she took from the kitchen and got ready to hide in the closet for her biggest prank. "One..Two... Three!" she cried out as she poured the sticky substace all over his body and head. Wesker sat up with a curse and quickly regretted it. As soon as he sat up, he tripped a wire which turned on a fan right in front of him which had a open bag offeathers in on the bed.

All the feathres blew all over him, creating a hysterical, feathery Wesker who had shavingcream all over his face. Suddenly the door burst open with force. Amix jumped inside the room and pointed the rifle at Wesker. Wesker's eyes widened as Amix shot him wiht the tranquilizer dart. He mumbled out,"You id--iot. It's mrre Weslkkker." He plopped back with a snore. Amix cursed and checked her boss out.

She had tracked her prey to this apartment, but as soon as she saw what looked like a chicken with a blobby face, she got distracted and shot him out of hunger. She gets distracted very easily. Her boss was going to be soooooo mad when he woke up.

She hurried out the door and grabbed the smelly salt thingy stick that for some reason Wesker alway had around. She ran back inside the room and quickly tried to rise Wesker from the powerful tranquilizer dart. Meanwhile, Becca slipped out of the room quickly, unnoticed. She ran to the door silently and left. She had the feeling that the dart was meant for her! OH CRAP!

**Back to our three friends...**

"Come on Luis! Tell us how you came back to life!" Jeremy pleaded. Luis finally gave in as they all got in his car. A Hummer 2! A black Hummer 2!

"It's hard to explain. Involves alot of science talk you wouldn't understand. I don't know where to begin?"

"Was it that because you were infected by the parsite before that you came back to life? Because all the mass cell production that the parasite did it caused side affects in you before you got rid of it, that your body regenerated itself before you could go into the light?" asked Jeremy. Amy and Luis stared back at the twelve year old with puzzled looks. "What? Fan fic has alot of therories on this subject," Jeremy responded with a defensive tone. Luis turned and started the engine.

"Well?" asked Amy.

"Well what?" retorted Luis as he backed out of the parking spot.

"Is Fanfic right about your resurection?" Jeremy replied as he leaned over inbetween the two seats. Luis sighed and replied,"Yes. Take my thunder why don't you, amigo. And sit back and put on your seat belt." Jeremy smiled and said to Amy as he sat back,"You owe me ten bucks!"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't let it get to your head just because your therory was right," she said while looking out thge window as they pulled out into traffic. Luis turned on the radio and turned it to the latin music station. He sang along till the music was interupted by a special news cast by a male voice who I the author has no idea who it is.

_Attention to all Raccoon citizens. A report just came in about another viral outbreak in the city. It started in the mall and has not been sucesfully detained. Zombies, cheeseburgers and buiscits are attacking the citizens as we know it. The biscuits and the cheeseburgers are demanding equel rights for them as they take over the city. The mayor replied to there demands with this,"No way Hozae!" Police officials are advizing every citizen to remain calm...I say please run around aimlessly and scream!!! _

A female voice was heard next with a sugary sweet voice.

_Thanks for listenin to RC radio. Sponcered by "Stupid Idiots" company._

Amy and Luis looked at each other with disbelief looks on their faces. "Okay. We are in a town filled with freaks." Amy remarked. Luis responded,"Tell me about it. And I thought that small village in Spain was bad."

Luis suddenly slammed on the brakes, making Jeremy glad he listened and put on the seat belt. In front of the car was a heard Zombies. The remake version zombies of Resident Evil 1. They were trying to catch a small terrior mutt to eat the little guy. Amy's eyes widened as she cried out,"That's Marco! What's he doing here!"

Jeremy unbuckled his seat belt and opened the door against Luis's wishes. "Marco! (whistleing) Come on boy!" The dog's ears perked up as he ranaround in circles. He stopped and ran straight for the Hummer. HE jumped in the car quickly, barking as if he was telling his tale to his pack. Luis exclaimed,"Aye! Aye! Yie! Now a dog that you obvously know! What's next in this weird place!"

The zombies were looking rather annoyed that their prey was rescued. One pointed at them and said,"Groooooaaaaaaaaaan errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm!" Translation "Geeeeeet theeeeeeem!"

Amy looked at the shocked Luis and said,"Run ovwer them!" He looked at her and pressed the pedal as hard as he could. Tires screechted as the wheels spun in place for a bit. Then the Hummer lurched forward and ran over the stupid zombies. Not even a dint appeared on the Hummer as they raced down the street.Blood, brain matter, and what looked like a finger was what was left on the front of the hummer.

"Alright Luis! That was awesome!" Jeremy exclaimed as Marco barked in agreement.

**Back to Becca, who is now hiding in another computer room. She watched the screen in delight at Amix and Wesker**..

"Aaaamiiiixxzzz! Wheeeert yooooou werrrrrrre thunking?!" asked the drowsy Wesker as he stumbled out of his room. Amix had whipped of the shaving cream and tried to explain as he hurried toward the apartment door.

"I tracked her here sir! When I opened the door, you distracted me by looking like some giant chicken which mad me think of the time I-"

"Shlllllerrrr uuuuuut!" Wesker said angrily as his tounge hung out of his mouth. That tranquilizer dart was powerful! Suddenly he stopped, which caused Amix to bump into him unexpectally. He turned and stumbled towared the bedroom again and looked at the wall. Everyone of his boxers were stuck all over the wall! He tried to pry them off, but was unsuccessful since they were superglued. He cursed, or tried to since you can barely understand him with his mout still num and all.

He looked through his drawers and cried out in agony as he realised she had his two favorite but most emabarrassing boxers!

Becca grinned at the screen and said out loud,"Heheheheeee! Oh yes, I do have your boxers Wesker! I got leverage on ou now! Muah!Hahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahaaaaaaa!"

Wesker stumbled out of his room to see that his body guard was chasing her tail. He slapped a numb hand over his face and mumbled,"Urm suroernded by morrrriiiooooons!"

"AMIX!" Wesker hollared out clearly. Amix stopped chasing her tail and straighened up immediatly. He walked up to her like a zombie, covered in chicken feathers. He demanded in his slurred voice,"Yeeer willl stiiick by mrree fer nnar on. We will frren thret girl irf it is thrat last thring I dooo!" Amix followed her boss out of the apartment. She new everyone was going to laugh at her boss, but of course he won't listen to reason and get cleaned up. He's to much bent on revenge.

Wesker put on his shades and pushed the call button for the elevater. Tome to pay Norman a visit.

**Back to where we left Claire and Leon and the Regenerater!**

The Regenerater drooled as he stuck out his large hand, clutching a bouque of flowers. Red roses to be prosise. He wheezed and had a shiney look in his black and red eyes. Claire slowly took the bouque and looked at the drooling, verylarge mouth, razor sharp long teeth, no lip, no hairm greyish monster.

Leon raised his hand and hollered,"Claire! Get away from him! It's a Regenerater! Get me a sniper rifle with heat vision!"

The regenerater hissed and looked at Leon. (They're tall creatures. Remember?) It's eyes shone with anger as it raised a long hand and said,"Raaaaaaaaaaaar! Hisssssssss." Translation Yoooooooooou! Hssssssss. Leon's eyes got huge as the Regenerater music started up again as it took a veeeeeeery slow step forward at Leon. It's body waving back and forth to the beat. Claire ran over to Leon and said angrily as she clutched the bouque,"You know each other?!"

**Authors Note: Well, I hoped that was good enough for you guys! Review and stuff! Oh! And if you want to be in the story, remember, send in our info and the name of the characters you want to pester! More characters from the game is going to be added soon so be ready for more chaos! **


	4. Chapter 4:Experiments Gone Wild and a

**Authors Note: Yeeeess! I got two more characters to add to this story! El yaaaaaaaay! Okay, be ready for more chaos and some interesting Res characters! Enjoy, all you Resident Evil fans! And welcome, you two who are being added to my story! Welcome, to CHAOS! MUAH!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! **

**Chaos in the Resident Evil World!**

**Chapter 4:Experiments Gone Wild and a Crazy Beginning!**

"Ooookaaay. How did I get here?" the teenager asked herself. The young female looked around her. She was sitting in a red roll around chair, which was not hers. She was sitting in front of a desk that was not hers, and she was looking at a computer that was not hers! The young woman jumped out of her chair, sending it racing at a pile of boxes that had written on it "Fragile! Test tubes and Whatever else you don't want to mess with! Propeerty of Umbrella." The girl winced as the chair collided with the box. She looked around to see if anyone heard the crash, but she was alone.

She sighed and walked over to the box. Smirking at what the box read, she came to the conclusion that this was a dream. She must of fell asleep writing the next chapter for her Resident Evil fanfic. It was late after all. She looked down at her clothes, seeing that she was waring the same clothes she was in when writing her chapter.

Now, I'll tell you who this person is. It's SaberTooth, a author who is writing a hilarious story currently on Resident Evil. Okay, next, I'll describe what she is waring cause I think it's just plain cool. She's waring a Green T-shirt with the Logo," The Legend of Zelda". It has the Hyrule sheild with the Master Sword next to the words with the Master sword in the stone with the three triangles etched into that stone thingy. She wore a pair of baggy ripped jeans, easy to run in if your chased by zombies and evil scientists. Tehe!

Sabertooth began looking around the room she was in. It actually was a lab, filled with all kinds of breakable objects, giant test tubes, basically a evil scientist dream lab. It even had a surround sound Cd system. Coooool.

She began snooping through the viles, reading the labels. It was very disturbing.

"T-virus blood sample. Licker blood sample. Hunter blood - what's going on here!" SaberTooth said while starting to realise that this felt to real. She heard the door open from across from her. She quickly ducked and hid under the desk. A familiar, voice was mumbling about how when he was infected with the G-virus, everyone took him seriopusly and feared him.

She heard the man stomping over to the corner of the room. After hearing only silence, except for the sound of rustling of papers occasionaly, she decided to take a peek. She flipped a brown strand of brown hair out of her eyes, she peeked over the desk. She saw a the back of a man, wearing a scientist coat. He was about the average size for a guy, his body build was lean. His hair was brown and cut short. Now, if she could see his face...

The man turned around, reading a file while walking over to some scientific chemicals and viles. SaberTooth's eyes widened, not believing who the guy was. Sure he had a litle grey hair around his side burn area, bu he still looked the same. This dude was sapposed to be dead! It was that stinking, G-virus injecting freak! William Birkin! _Oh crap! This isn't a dream!_

**On to another Res fan...Dun! Dun! Duuuuuuuuhn**!

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Misty as she fell into a the swirling pool of the author's madness! One minute, she was playing a Resident Evil game safely in her home, the next, she was falling! Don't ask her how. Back to Misty!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Misty screamed louder, the blackness shaping into clear blue skies...Skies that she was falling through! The wind made her eyes sting as she plummeted down towared the ground.

_I'm going to die! I'm going to die!,_ Misty thought as she came closer and closer to the ground. Well, the ground turned out to have buildings. And the building she was falling towared was a movie theater. A movie theater that happened to be in the author's hometown that you'll never know the name of! Muah!Hahahahahahhaaaaa!

Of course from her view, she couldn't tell that it was a movie theater. It was actually part of a larger building that housed several businesses. Well, a few businesses. the theater was quite small, perfect for this small city/town. Anywhoo, back to what is happening to Misty. By now, she's almost there, soon she will crash into the building! Buah!Hahahahahaaa!

Don't worry, she's not going to die! I wouldn't do that to her! Just read!

As she hit the roof of the theater, she didn't feel a single bit of pain. Well, she felt the crash, but that was all. i, the auther, gave her a force field , for the moment of impact. That's all I can do for her. This story has a life of its own.

Misty fell through the roof and and fell on a movie watcher.

"What the h--- is going on!" said the grumpy and slightly out of breath man she so happened to fall on. He was on the ground, and Misty was on him. She didn't move at first, since she was disoriented. The man didn't move because he just had a teenager fall on top of him while walking in the middle of the aile, trying to find a good seat.

The man groaned and said with a pleading voice,"Could you please get off of me!"

Misty frowned and thought as she slid off the man,_ Gee. Thanks for the concern! I just fell through the roof you jerk! _Several movie fans ran forward and asked crazy questions like,"Are ya'll alright?" and, "That's a big hole you made there, girly," and, "Did it hurt?" A geeky looking teenager gangster wannabee helped her up and asked,"Hey babe! Do you need a docter?" She shook her arm from him and said rather grumply while dusting herself off, "Well, I just fell through a roof! Normally, yes, a person would need a doctor after that. But, for some strange reason, I'm okay." The boy nodded and sat walked away, clearly the movie would not be seen today. Which is weird since the theater usually doesn't show movies during the day? The gangsta wannabee would have to think about that strange thing.

While bystanders fussed over the poor girl, The muscely man lifted a hand while turning over and said rather perturbed,"Uh, a girl just fell on top of me! A little help!"

Misty stuck out her hand and helped the guy up. He was rather tall, and like I said before, muscely! She could barely make out his features in the darkness of the theater, but from what she could tell, he seemed familiar.

"Alright folks. Time to leave, we're closing the theater till we get that hole fixed. Everyone is titled to a refund as they leave the building...That means you can go now...Leave...GET OOOOUUUUT!" yelled the movie person worker. Everyone grumbled and began filing out of the building. Misty following suit. She was trying not to freak out. She was not home and not in the same state! She was in the south from what she could tell from everyone elses accents. Except the guy she fell on. Speaking of which, where did he go?

As she stepped out into the afternoon sunshine, she saw that she was deffinatley not where she belongs. Cars pulled out of the small parking lot, while people walked over to a dry cleaning business just twenty feet away! She began to really freak out, trying to make herself wake up from this crazy dream. She closed her eyes and began clicking her heals together. "I wish I was home! I wish I was home! I-"

"What are you doing, kid?" she heard that soooooo familiar masculine voice...It couldn't be. Misty turned around and found that she couldn't breath...The black haired, good looking dude in front of her who she fell on was none other than...BILLY COEN!

**Meanwhile, back with the amazing trio, Luis, Amy and Jeremy!**

Luis tried to concetrate on the road, trying to ignore the brain matter on his windshield. Trying to not notice...Trying not to notice..._Aye, yie yie! _

Amy looked at Luis, he looked like he was going to be sick. That happens when you never seen zombie brains before. Lucky for her and her brother, they seen enoughin Resident Evil games...Still, the sight was not pretty!

Jeremy smiled as Marco whined. The dog was scarred for life...Wouldn't you if a pack of Resident Evil zombies chased you around? STOP JUDGING MARCO! Back to Jeremy..Ahem...Jeremy smiled as he looked out the window. Here he was, riding with Luis, riding in a hummer, and still alive from the zombie invasion! Life couldn't get any better!

"Get the map out from my pack in the back, Jeremy...We need to get out of this town," Luis said while racing down the panicky street filled with panicy people. Jeremy looked in side the pack beside him and got out a map that had written on it,"The new and IMPROVED Raccoon City! No zombies here!" Jeremy let out a sound of disgust. Some people are just plain idiots. He gave the map to his sister, who wasn't pleased to be the one who navigates them through a city she doesn't live in. She opened the map and tried to read it.

"Look for route sis sisty sis," Luis said while running over some zombie biscuits. He felt the "Are you crazy" stare coming from both Jeremy and Amy. "Okay, bad idea. 666...Not a good number. Look for a route nearest to us, not the 666 one...Although that is the nearest one out of here." Luis said while looking puzzled as a zombie dog was being attacked by a cheeseburger...Weird. You'll see that word alot in this story.

"Uuum...Take the left road when wwe reach the next stop sign," Amy said while trying to fold up the stupid map. She finally just through the map in the backseat.

"Where does it lead?" Jeremy asked curiously. Amy answered with a uncertain look, "It leads through the woods."

**Back to SaberTooth and William...Muah!Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!**

William Birkin was lost in his virual world, busy doing complex math a matics for the new formula he was working on. A modification of the G-Virus. Speaking of which, you're probably wandering how this villian is alive...After all, didn't Claire or Leon (depending which character you played first om Resident Evil 2) kill him? Well, techanilly the explosion from the train did, but they kicked his butt all over the place!

Well, yes he did die, finally. (The creep just kept mutating! Grrrrrrrr!) But, in this story I will dazzle you with a explanation on how he is back!...I don't freaking know! I'm just writing about the stupid guy! Ask him!...Go on...Ask him...Okay, I'll ask him! (Cowards)

Yo William!

"Hmmmm. Carry the three..."

Oh Wiiiiiilliiiiiiaaaaaam.

"Then divide by eight..."

WILLIAM BIRKIN! ANWER ME!

"AAAAH! Who said that! I demand you to tell me!" William said with a angry glance around him. He hated when people interupted him when he was trying to think! SaberTooth stared at the scientist like he was crazy. She didn't say a word! She was busy thinking evil way of bugging the creep!

Me you idiot!

"What? I'm not an idiot!"

Yes you are. You're taking to a person you can't even see. Anyway, I want to ask you something.

"Uuuum. Okay, ask away you strange voice."

Why are you alive? Shouldn't you be dead?

"Yes I was dead, but now I'm not."

I know that! But W-H-Y?!

William stood up and began pacing. He felt like he was going crazy, talking to someone who refused to show themselves...Maybe he was crazy?

"It's complicated," he responded while pacing like a freaking psyko.

Try me. And stop pacing!

William stopped and crossed his arms. He looked up at the ceiling where the sound of the voice was coming from. He glared and began to explain his strange tale.

"Alright. The last thing I remember was killing those men in the sewer after injecting the G-virus in myself. They tried to steal it and had shot me several times. After that, it is a little muddled. I do remember one thing that is, a big explosion. After that, well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you," Birkin said with a shiver. After pausing for a moment, he continued.

"Next thing I know, I woke up in a test tube, very much like the ones where we had tyrants in. Wires were all connected to my body, my normal body. My normal, stud like-"

We get the picture! Just continue!

"I was in a facility called CAPCOM...They told me that they brought ,e back from the dead because a fan a game called Resident Evil was going to use me in her story. They said that although they owned me, they could spare me to be barrowed. Of course they we're just saying that to confuse me, but I let them think that I beleived them. I asked them how I was brought back to life, they answered with another crazy story. They told me they got the artist of Resident Evil 2 to scetch out an realistic version of a piece of my flesh to get some DNA. After he did that, they photo scanned it inside their computer and sent it to the Resident Evil world! There they apparently had a chunk of me and did some experiments to regrow my body from that hunk of flesh. Well, that hunk of flesh grew until I was reconstructed. Of course they made sure they G-virus was out of my body," he said with a amused expression.

What happened next, point dexter?

"Well, I woke up ten months later in that tube. Of course there's some truth in their story. It is possible for them to do all the growing of my body from a piece of my flesh. But the whole photo scanning bit was ridiculas. All that happened five years ago. So, here I am. Still waiting for that mysterious writer to use me," William said the last bit sarcastically.

Hmph. Like I said, yo're an idiot...And that was the most stupidest explanation I have ever hear! Sorry dear readers, but this guy is a totall loon!

"Hey! Now you listen here! I-" William began, but was cut off from that mysterious femal voice that came from the ceiling.

Thanks for a wast of my time! I'm going to stop writing for a bit and leave this crazy story! (Not really guys! I just want him to get back to work so SaberTooth can begin the torcher!) Muah!Hahahahahhahahaaaaaaa!

Wiliam jumped at the creepy laugh. H shook his head and went back to work.

Now SaberTooth couldn't hear a word the author said, but she did hear the strange account of the scientist. She came to the conclusion that he was totally crazy. That will make this all the more fun

**Billy and Misty walking down the street...**

Billy looked beside him at the girl as he walked down the street, wandering why she is exactly following him. Shouldn't she go to the hospital or something?

"Why exactly are you following me again?" he asked while heading into Movie Gallery. She just smiled and said while rushing towared the game section,"Because I have no idea where I am, or why I am her. So I figured, why not hang out with you. You're not from around here."

Billy didn't like the sound of her knowing that he wasn't from around here. How did she know? He picked up a game and asked while seeming interested in a game called,"The Godfather".

"How do you know I'm not from around here? And how did you fall through the roof of that theater?"

"Wow. You ask a lot of questions for a guy who doesn't want to be known," replied Misty as she cleaned her glasses that amazingly did not break in the fall. Billy just gave her a piercing stare, making her a bit nervous. To nervous...

"Stop staring!"

"No," Billy said calmly.

"Why! Do you got a problem with me!" she said defensivly, trying to get his mind on something else. It didn't work.

"I'm staring till you give me a straight answer," Billy answered while crossing his arms over his chest. Misty glared and tried to get mad at the guy, but she couldn't...Not for long. For pete's sake! It's Billy Coen!

"It wasn't hard to tell, after all, you don't have a southern accent," she said while moving on to the movie section. Billy seemed to believe that, and pushed no more. She peeked at him from the corner of her eye, studying this real life Billy. His hair was a bit shorter, cut obvviously so nobody will recognise him. Although it was still the Billy look. He had on a brown, tight fitting muxcle shirt (wife beater), a pair of black, jeans, brown boots, and a brown jacket. He looked just so billyish!

_What a shame. I would love to see his tattoos up close!, _thought Misty as she turned her attention back to the movies. Billy, was checking her out as well. (Not that type of checking out people! That would be against the law! Plus, that would make Billy a perv!) She had shoulder length, brown hair, she wore glasses, and some cool clothes. She wore a black T-shirt that had printed on it "HYRULE HERO ACADEMY", and a pair of baggy blue jeans. Perfect clothes for a teenager. He looked away as Misty walked away.

Misty went back over to the game section and looked through some game books that were on sale. Some older game books...ONe was Res 0! She picked it up and glance at Billy over her shoulder. She wondered how he would feel if he found out he was created. Better tuck this away so he won't see it...Or maybe, she could leave it out and see his reaction! Hmmmmmmmmm.

As she compteplated his, the gangsta wannabee walked in with a fried chicken leg , munching it from a box of chicken. One employee looked angry at this, she was older and mature. The other who was nineteen just glance at the costumer and went back to reading a AVON magazine. The older woman decided to take this into her own hands and called out to the costumer,"Sir,...Sir...YOUNG MAN!"

The wanna bee looked up and asked with his mouth full,"Wmmhat?"

"No food in the store. You'll have to finish that outside," she said with a stedrn glare. The boy gave her a dumb look. Before another word could be uttered, all the chicken jumped out of his box and began yelling out curses and other stuff in a southern accent. Billy and Misty gathered around the boy, seriously freaked out. Misty pointed and asked,"Is all southern food like that!"

The boy shrugged and answered,"Naaah. This is a new one. Surprisingly, this seems to suit Smit's chicken. Sometimes, their food just plain sucks!"

One drum stick heard that and tried to head butt him, but it couldnd jump as far as the chicken wings. Billy grabbed Misty's arm and said while baking up,"I think we should go."

"Nah duh, Sherlock. Ya think!" Misty said while turning and running out through the double, glass doors. Billy followed, wandering if this weird day could get any weirder...And yes it will...Buah!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

**Back to the Trio! Hehe!**

"Bark! Bark!" Marco barked...And barked...AND BARKED! SHUT UP!

Marco stopped after hearing me shout at him.. Nobody else did. Now he's staring at me, looking up... Creepy.

"Bark! Bark!"

Luis gripped the steering wheel, getting really frustrated with the non stop barking. So was everybody else, including me. Jeremy finally spoke what everyone was thinking,"Can we please pull over! Marco has to get out!"

"Finally! I wasn't sure how everyone would react if I threw the d--- dog out! Thanks for speaking my mind!" Luis said with a maniacal laugh. Jeremy spoke up, not wanting to push the already, on edge man," I didn't mean to kick him out. I meant he's barking cause he's got to go...You know...GOOOO!"

Luis nodded, slightly flustered at his out burst of emotion. He pulled over, and put the Hummer in park as Jeremy and MArco stepped outside. As Marco did his business, the radio piped up, delivering another disturbing message

_Just in, authorities have declared a city wide emergency. I repeat, a city wide emergency! Zombies and other things have overtaken the city. The city is being quaratined for now, till this crisis si taken care of. The mayer had this to reply, _

_"Do not panic, my fellow citizens. This is just a kink in our great Raccoon history! Fear not! We are losing the battle, but we will not lose this war! Remember, vote for me on our next election! I am not like the last mayor! I won't let my citizens get feasted by zombies and fastfood!_

_As for our fastfood friends. I do not negioate with food! We will never surrender this city to you! We are on top of the food chain! Not you!"_

_Well, that was imbracing. (Stupid mayer. _Man in background hollars at the radio reporter,_"You're still on_! Reporter gives a nervous laugh and continues with the news

_Ummmm. Jack Daniels is out there currently interyiewing Raccoon citizens, so let's cut to him...Jack, your on the air._

Jack_: This is Jack Daniels reporting on this crisis. I'm here with Mr...Uuuuh what's your name again sir?_

Man_: I didn't give you a name stranger._

Jack_: Heh. Heh. Can you please give us your name?_

Man:_ Just call me the Merchant._

Jack:_Oooookaaay. Mr.Merchant, how do you fill about this crisis. What's your theory how Raccoon City is infected again?_

Merchant_:Well, Stranger (My names not Stranger, sir, It's Jack.)... Stranger, I'm just a visiter. I would like to say, If ya need guns, first aid spray, grenades, come to me! Just look for the Blue flaming torch! _

Jack: _That's not what I-_

Merchant:_ What are ya buying?_

Jack: _I'm not buying anything!_

Merchant:_ ...What are ya selling?_

Jack:_ ...This is Jack Daniels reporting...Back to you Bob...(Leave me alone! I'm not buying or selling!) Merchant (Then stop wasting my time, Stranger! Go away if ya got no cash!)_

_...Okay, thanks Jack! That is all for now...Take it Katy!_

_You are listening to a dying radio station, the RC radio station! Sponsered by "Stupid Idiots" com.. _

Luis and Amy looked at each other as Marco and Jeremy got back in the vehicle. Jeremy said with a shake of his head,"Is it just me, or is Raccoon City filled with idiots?"

**On to Amix, Wesker and a hiding Becca!**

"Whmmmaat effffery body iths loothing aaat?!" Wesker said with his poor speach. His tounge and mouth was still numb from the dart. Although his walking improved, but he still looked like a drunk, swaying around as Umbrella employees stopped and stared at the funny sight. Covered in chicken feathers while staggering around was so not like Wesker. Soon, employees began to chuckle and try to hide their amusemnet. This angered Wesker, while Amix seemed not to care.

"Geth back tho wuuurks!"

More laughter. Wesker angrily steeped into the security video footage room wher Norman was busily watching the three Stooges. Wesker narrowed his lizard eyes, which you can't tell from behind his shades. He walked up and put a hand on his shoulder and asked,"Buthy Thorman?"

Norman let out a scream, making Wesker smile...WEll, he tried to smile, but the smile turned out to be a weird, lopsided drooling grimace. Amix looked away, biting back her laughter.

"Anthing on muei fwiend? The thalker?"

Norman was wise enough to not to comment on Wesker's condition. He timidly answered,"Y-Y-Yes sir. After coming out of your room, she headed straight for the elevater. She stopped off at the basement. After that, the camera's lost her...Please don't hurt me!"

Wesker squeezed his shoulder and said as he walked out."Gooth thob, Thorman. Thow Amixssss won't have to kill thoo."

Norman peeked at Amix, who was busy twitching her tail and glaring at it everytime it swooshed and slapped her side. Wesker groweled out,"Amixs! Comth!"

Amix rolled her eyes and walked away, giving Norman a stunning, evil, smile. Norman gulped and went back to watching the Three Stooges.

Well, during this time, Becca was busy with her next plan. She busily was trying to find that stinking secret button. You know, the Umbrella secret button that always led you to a different part of the fecility that led you to a way of escape. Yeah, that one. Well, the directions she got from a scientist was hard to follow. He didn't mention that Umbrella's basement was like a maze. Almost like a rat maze. Which, unfortanly for Becca, it was!

She kicked a wall as she realised that the directions weren't the best. The man was actually an experiment gone wrong. A long story short, Umbrella tried to come out with a super intelligent drug that would help them controle the zombies. The scientist some how got it in his system and instead of making him smarter, it made him stupider. So, therefore, she got directions from a idiot. Which makes her lost. How sad.

Becca sat down and tried to think. Maybe she could try backtracking? Suddenly, she heard Wesker's voice over the intercom,"Hthlo my sear. Welthcome, to the rath maze. You have the thonar of seing the thrat in this thangerous maze. I have a mriend of thine toming snown to runt thoo. Then, in ten thunutes, I'll threlease some thexperiments to thelp thoo thie! Muah!THathathathathaa!"

"Wow, WEsker is really a drunkin retard," remarked Becca.

"Thy am snot! Ith's sust sa twanquiliser!" Wesker said over the intercom. Becca smiled and said quickly in one word,"Losersayswhat?!"

"Thwat?"

"Hahaaaa! You admitted your a loser!"

"Thamixs! Thurry sup and set thown there!" screamed Wesker uncharastically over the intercom.

**SaberTooth gets busy with her pranks...**

SaberTooth silently walked over to the CD player. Her light brown eyes shined brightly with mischief as she stuck in a CD. She put the volume all the way up and put in earplugs. This was going to be great! Birkin was in his own world as he started mixing in a unstable chemical with another unstable chemical. How convienant. Muah!Hahahahhahahaaaaaa!

Suddenly, (I say that often) over the surround sound speakers, the songs from Offspring blared across the lab, thus starting a chain reaction. Birkin jumped and poured the unstable chemicals all over the table, creating an explosion, which caused him to fly through the air and crash into some test tubes which was filled with some pretty interesting concoctions.

Flashback.Ten minutes earlier...

Sabertooth began mixing some test tubes formulas. Mixing the purple with the green, switching the formuals into other formulas bottles, that kind of stuff. After ruining that chemical section, she moved on to put in the CD in the CD player.

Present time...

Birkin felt a weird sensation as he slowly stood up. His face was black from the explosion while his hair was black and charred. He looked just like a cartoon who just went through an explosion.

He noticed with disgust that he had some weird sticky liquid all over him. Not good.

Suddenly, his body began to shift. He let ouut a scream that turned into a hee-haw. After mrphing he looked into the mirror that was conviently seated to his right. It was a full length mirror. He heehawed at what he saw.

He had a long face like a donkey with cat ears, body like a chicken with all the feathers, legs like a duck with the feet included. And, last but not least, a tail like a horse. He began panicing and flapped his chicken wings.

He began running around like a chicken with his head cut off. SaberTooth put her hand over her mouth as she laughed quietly. Not easy with what she was seeing.

After running around for two minutes, Birking calmed down and began rummaging through the formulas. There had to be something to change him back. He finally began drinking potions at random.

First one, he turned into a walrus. Second, a turtle. After taking ten minutes to get to the next formula, he drank the mysterious concoction and turned into a whale. Sabertooth had to nearly get out of the room, for he turned into a large killerwhale. Luckly, he drank the last potion, well, the second to last. He turned into a rabbit. This was just not his day.

After cursing in his rabbity voice, he decided to come up with a formula that would help nim out. After all, he was a genious. Pfft. Yeah right

**Now, on to Misty, who is tagging along with Billy**.

Billy began to pretend he didn't know Misty. The reason? Five minutes ago she nearly got into a fight with a fake blond haired hoochie who tried to, ahem...Get Billy to come home with her. Billy wasn't to interested since he has been living in this town for the last two wekks. He found out to stay away from the to forward ones. They turned out to be crazy women. After having a date with a cute brunette, she tried to charm him into killing her old man, the husband. She believed she was the one for him and wanted to leave her sixty five year old husband for him. This freaked him out since he just took her out to the movies and complimented her. You know, some light flirting.

Well, needless to say, he has stayed away from any forwared women. Misty, after seeing him trying to turn down the hoochie easy, and the Pamela Anderson wannabee not taking no for an answer, Misty decided to save Billy.

"Back off. Can't you see that poor Billy wants nothing to do with you," Misty growled out. Amazing what being around Billy Coen will do to you. It amazingly makes you braver than you really are.

"No offense, MrBilly. But you need to teach your little sister some manners!"

Billy glared down at the woman and was about to say some not so nice things when Misty beat him to the punch.

"Hey lady. Your roots are showing!" Misty said while pointing at the woman's hair dew. For a moment, she freaked out and began running around in circles, totally freaking out. After hearing Misty and Billy laughing, she stopped and charged Misty.

"Why you little!"

Misty got in her karatae position when Billy stepped in between them. He spoke in a cool, hard voice," I suggest you leave before I call the cops on you. I think they would find it interesting how you threatened a minor." The woman's face paled as she looked at Billy. His face spoke volumes. She turned and ran away, looking for someone who will be her pimp daddy. I have plans for her. Buah!Hahanhahhahahaaaa!

Misty smiled at Billy, but he didn't smile back. He walked off in a brisk pace. Misty rolled her eyes at his sour mood. Now, present time...

"Oh come on Billy, I had to protect ya...Stop pretending you don't know me...Billy...Biiiiillllyyyyy!"

Billy looked around and said while shrugging his shoulders,"Hmmmm. Thought I heard something...Must be the wind."

Misty growled and began trying harder to get his attention.

"What do you want me to do? Beg? I'm not apaolagising for protecting you...Okay, you asked for it," Misty saidas she ranup ahead. Billy began to look nervous.

"IIIIIIII'm sorryyyyyyy! Soooooooo sorryyyyyyyyy! Sorry for protectiiiing your a------------ from bad haired job ladyyyyyyy!" Misty sang as she had this heart broken face on. To her surprise, Billy actually grinned! And he was laughing. She ran over as he gave her a real, beautiful smile.

"I never asked your name, did I?"

Misty shrugged and stuck out her hand,"The name's Misty. Misty Maxwell."

Billy grabbed her hand and said with another smile," Well, apparently you know my name for some mysterious reason. But I'll tell you anyway. ou know, being the polite thing to do. My name's Billy Coen. Nice to meet you Misty."

Misty grinned and asked,"Where are we anyway?"

"---------- Georgia. Sapposedly it's a city. But it's really just a town. Don't let the peop;e fool you. They may appear sugary sweet and all that southern charm. But once you mess up and your not from around here, they'll tear your name to pieces. I'm just warning you since I was warned from a resident of this area."

"Wow."

"Wow what?" Billy asked confused.

"That's the most I have ever heard come from you...Ever..." Misty said half sarcastically, and half seriously. Billy slapped her in the back of her head, which ticked her off. She rubbed her head as he pulled her toward a fast food place.

Let's grab some food. My treat," Billy said as they walked over to the Taco Bell/Pizza hut. Baaaaaaaaaaaad move.

**Back in Raccoon City where the Res 1, 2 zombies are meeting for the first time.**

The Res 2 zombie that started this whole zombie Res 2 mob mess was walking down the street with his army. It was growing begger and bigger. This pleased his zombie mind alot. For now on, I shall call him George..Okay? Okay.

George walked ever so slowly as his crew was busy creating havoc where ever they walked. Humans were every where. Paradise for a zombie.

Suddenly, Res 1 remake aombies came out of the alley ways, blocking the Res 2 mob from going any further.

The Res 1 zombie leader who I will call Tom, pointed at George and groaned (He's another inteeigent zombie. Well, for a zombie anyways.) This is what he said.

"Grooooooaaaaaaaaaannnnnn gaaaaaaahhhhhhhhooo arrrrg! Mmmmmmuuuuuuumble groan arrg groan gaaaaahhhhhhh. Groooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" Translation " You have intered on our turf! No Res 2 zombie hacks allowed! Now, move it!"

George responded, well tried to since his jaw isn't in the best of shape," Aaaaaaaaaaaaarg grooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaan groan! Uuuuuuuuuuhn ooooh grrraaaaaaahhhhhh. Mumble gaaaaaaaaaaahh groan, groan, groan...Guah! Guah! Guah! Guah! Hooooooooooo oooooooooooo groan arg!" Translation Sorry Res 1 zombies! We are not worthy to stand in your remake version of us zombies. We will leave so you can eat all the human's brain...HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Do you think we will let you run this town, and let you have all the humans to yourrselves? No! We are the masters here! We deserve this! You Res 1 zombies have stolen the lime light for to long!"

All, the zombies began groaning and walking slowly at each other, ready to fight. Some of the Res 1 zombies ran at them. Some in mode 2, others in mode 3. Play the game, you know what I'm talking about. The remake that is. Well, they pretty much can kick the Res 2 buts, but the Res 2 had some help from Res 2 zombie dogs. Soon, the zombies were in a all out war. Veeeery intertaining. Some Raccoon residents were on top of the buildings and filming it, broad casting it on the internet. This wa going to be a hit!

** Back in Washington D.C**.

Leon and pulled out a handgun and said while backing up,"Claire, get me a semi autimatic Rifle with thermal scope."

Claire glared at him and asked,"Where am I going to get a semi automatic rifle with a thermal scope?" Leon glanced at her and then back at the slowly approaching Regenerater. The creepy music was in full bloom, causing the Reginaerater to sway to the music.

Reinerater flashback.

The reginerater saw Leon kill his friends on his way to the garbage dump. That was not very nice of Mr.Kennedy. He wasn't as stupid as his fellow brothers, no. He knew that Leon's gun could see the plagas on his body, and that meant he would die if he got close to the agent. When the Reginerater saw that the coast was clear, he slowly walked out of his hiding place. Time to reak havac on the agent! He'll wait till the agent wasn't looking and then, bam! He'll grabb him and tear his throat out!...Besides, he was hungry.

As he walked ever so slowly to the door, he felt something under his large toeless foot. He bent down and picked up a picture. The agent must of dropped it in his combat with his deceased brothers.

Gasp! The picture showed a smiling Leon, Chris, and Claire. Claire was waring a tight fitting, jeans with a red shirt that had a harley davidson! He remembered in his human days that he had a large collection of motorcycles...He was in looooooove!

He flipped hte photo back and read what was written in a females hand skript. It read this,"Hey Leon. Just thought to give you this picture so you wouldn't forget your friends! Congratulations on becoming an agent! Love, Chris and Claire"

Aaaaah! The name even fitted her beautiful face. Claaaaaiiiiiiiiirrrre! HE'll have to practice saying her name!

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeez! Cleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!" the Reginerater began practicing. and that's how he found about Claire!

Present Time...

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!," the Regenerater hissed at Leon. Leon was a little shocked at the creature's clear word. Mine. This freak liked his Claire! He wasn't going to let some ugly, freak touch his friend! His very beautiful friend!

"Claire, grab the keys from my back pocket. On the count of three, we're leaving and taking a run for my car. Got them? Good. ONe, two, THREE!"

The two charged the surprised predater and nocked his big ugly, drooling, creepy butt down and raced down the hallway. Of course the Reginerater quickly got up like he was made out of rubber or something and quickly as fast as a Regenerater can go, took off after them.

Leon and Claire burst oiut of the apartment complex and ran to Leon's car. Claire jumped in the driver's seat and started the engine. Of course the Regenerater had friends waiting outside just in case. Two Camilloes or what ever, jumped on top of the car and began growling as the parasite began whipping out of the wolves backs. Tentacles broke the windsheild as Claire put the car into drive. Unfortunally, she couldn't see and she hit the mercaides in front of them. A car alarm went off as steam poured out of Leon's car's engine.

They heard a door burst open, the Regenerater walked ever so steadily towared his prey. After he kills Leon, he'll woo the fair Claire.

Claire had other plans. She kicked open her drivers door and grabbed Leon's hand.

"Come on! Let's get going!" Claire cried out as she pulled Leon out of the car. But they were stopped by the Merceides owner. He started to cursed them out, ignoring the weird wolves and the tentacles on their backs. Leon began yelling back and was about to punch the guy out when the Regenerater grabbed the man from eight feet away withhis ever stretchy arm . He looked the man in the eyes and growled. The man whimpered in fear.

Instead of eating the guy, the Regenerater began dragging the poor angry man towared Claire and Leon. He planned on making the man apolagise to Claire, then eat him. But that blasted Leon grabbed his woman's hand and ran off with her! He wheezed and drugg the man towared a van. He threw the man in the van, letting the wolves sit back there with his, and closed the door. He then got in the passenger's side and wheezed something to the driver.

Dr.Salvadore, the driver, nodded his head and started the engine. Time to hunt down Leon!

**Authors Note:Okay, that was a long chapter. And I know it took a lot of energy to read it, so don't flame to bad. Next chapter won't be so long! And I promise to start Misty's mission in the nest chapter. She's going to get a note from the chapter on her mission's objective. It involves Billy! Muah!Hhahahahahahhahahahaaaaa! Hope you guys liked it! Give me some more ideas, I'm needing some more insperation! Although I have plenty of ideas, I won't be able to write them just yet. When night hits the story, I'll add my funny, weird, crazy ideas in the mix.**

** Until then, send in a request i you want to be in this story. Also. send in some ideas. Like, what you want to do to your character. Pranks, adventures that you have to indure, the usual. As for SaberTooth, don't worry, I got more torcher for Birkin that you are going to perform! Muah!Hahahahahhahaaaa!**

** And Misty...Hehe! You and Billy are going to have a crazy time in the next chapter! AS for the rest of the characters in the story, it's going to get weirder for you all! Hehehehehhehehehehehehheheheheeeeeeee! PEACE! **


	5. Chapter 5:How Chaotic Can Things Get?

**Authors Note: Yaaaaaay! I know I say this often, but thanks for reviewing you peebles! Great news! We have another person joing this crazy story! Get ready for crazy, whackiness! Muah!Hahahahahahahahahahahaaaa! Read! Read! And Review!**

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**Chaos in the Resident Evil World!**

**Chapter 5: How Chaotic Can Things Get? **

Amix mumbled as she stepped out of the elevater. Sometimes, she would love to kick Wesker's butt from here to Alberkerkie! But, that wouldn't be a smart move, considering he's a freaking, super humanoid guy who has an ego the size of Texus. But one day, he's going to push to far and- oh look! A clue! Okaaay, that sounded so Blue's Clues.

Amix found a candy bar laying on the ground. The strange stalker must have dropped it while running down here. She smiled when she saw that is was a Hershey's candy bar. Mmmmmmm. Chocalate. Droool..

"Amix, doth thoo her thee?" Wesker mumbled into her ear piece. Huh. Kind of like the codec in Metal Gear. Huh. Without the Nano machines. Cool.

"AMIX!" Wesker growled out Clearly. Amix jumped and touched the button that aloud her to communicate with her boss.

"Yeah?"

"Is thsat a bandy car?"

"Uuuuh. No?"

"Don't you thare theat it! Thoo know what thappens then thoo seat schocalot! Thut it away," Wesker ordered, starting to feel a little feeling in his tounge. Although he's still having a hard time with communicating.

Amix frowned and pretended to throw it over her shoulder. She noticed the camera stay on her, making her a bit nervous that Wesker might see through her roose. But he apparently fell for it, and said in his mumbled language,"Dood. Thow thcontinue to bunt down that wirl! If you mon't sapture in the thaid thime, some nmonsters will be breleased to spice things pump."

Amix smirked and replied,"A couple of monsters won't make a difference. I'll still will find her. Nobody escapes me...Except when she snuck out while I shot you with the tranquilizer. But that doesn't count!"

Silence. Not a good sign. Time to get moving. She ran down the maze, using all her instincts to track down Becca.

**A new one! Say hello toooooo...**

Ada wong! Ada Wong is the lovely, femm fatal who we really can't tell if she would kill ya for the sample or save your butt! Either way, she would still take the sample! Okay, back to Ada!

"Who is that?!" asks Ada, totally confused who is talking... Okay, I better let this story continue, or Ada will seriously be ticked off that a disembodied voice is following her around...

Ada blinked and shook her head. She was just hearing things. She continued with her mission. Her very strange mission. She peeked around the corner, seeing nurses lazily talk to one another. She couldn't believe that this place was where a new lab was recreating the G-virus...A new and improved G-virus...Maybe her intell was wrong?

She quietly slipped down the hall, acting casual. To the stranger's eye, she looked like someone's daught coming to visit her grandfather or whatever. She had on a pair of slick, black pants, red stylish boots, a red sleevless shirt that tied behind her neck. (You know, just like the red dress in Res 4!) She carried a mediam sized purse, of course it was red.

As she walked down the medicine, yucky smelly hall, she heard a loud yell coming from behind her.

"Hey! Heeeey! Hey you!," came the raspy, sstrong old man's voice. She whipped around, and saw a cranky looking elderly man in a wheelchair. He had on a blue button up shirt with a pair of brown pants, with striped suspenders. His white hair was neatly combed and gelled. She walked up to the cranky looking old man and asked," Is there something wrong? Should I get a nurse for you?"

The man scoweled and answered in a loud, gruff voice that sounded like he smoked a hundred packs of cigeretts,"I don't need no nurse! I want to go back to my room!"

"Now Mr.Ketterly, you know that you can't lay around in your bed all day. Now, leave the nice lady alone," a female nurse said while giving Ada a small smile. Ada smiled back, a bit freaked about this place. She faced zombies, monsters that you can only see in nightmares, and never once felt like she couldn't handle it. But this? This was not a scene she was used too! She turned, hearing the old man yell at the nurse,"Your fired! Get away from me you twit!"

Yes, the Sunshine nursing home was the strangest nursing home on earth.

**Becca running and getting more lost by the minute...Crap!**

Becca began to feel frightened. Here she was, in Evil incorperated, getting a evil villian ticked off with her, and running around in a sick, sadistic game of his while trying to figure out this maze...This was the scariest and most funnest time in her LIFE!!! But the scary part was zapping out the fun part. She checked her watch. Five more minutes before the monsters come out to play...CRAP!!

Becca began hitting the wall in frustration, but stopped when she felt a pair of eyes on her. She slowly took off her back pack and whipped around, raising it high in the air, ready to deliver a world of pain to Wesker's friend. But nobody was there. That didn't make her feel better. She began rummaging through her back pack, trying to find something that could be a weopan of some sort.

"Heh. Heh. Heh," came the femmine laughter. It had a purr to it, like the person who was laughing softly was pleased with her fear. Becca swallowed and cried out while still rummaging through her back pack," Who's there?!"

A silky, voice answered above her head,"The huntress."

Becca looked up in panic, but the huntress had already left that area in a flash. Becca heard a whooshing sound behind her, which she turned towards it. Dang it, this chick is fast!

"And what does exactly does this huntress want?" Becca asked, trying to stall some time for herself. The huntress didn't answer at first, she was to busy enjoying the mock bravery on her prey's face. Amix finally answered,"Why, my prey of course. I've got to please the boss so I can get my treat for the day."

Becca swallowed and closed her eyes as her hand found a round, soft but firm round could be weopan. Becca opened her eyes and spoke in a calm but shaky voice,"So, I guess I'm the prey. You see me, but I don't see you. Show yourself, huntress."

Amix smile and stepped out of the shadows, her red eyes gleaming as she held her sniper rifle in her hands.

Becca held back a gasp. The woman had balck, red striped cat ears and a black and red striped tail! Her hair was white also, somehow making her look more feline. Her face was like a human, as the rest of her body...WOW! She looks so cool!

"Stay back, Miss Kitty! Or I'll bring out my secret weopan!" Becca said in a fake brave voice. Amix rolled her eyes and began sayin,"Oh please! Like you have a better weopan than my Sniper Rifle! Stop delaying the en evitable and- OH! A BALL OF RED YARN!!! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!"

Becca was stunned. She had whipped out the ball of yarn with the intention of throwing it and hopefully distract the humanoid in some way...But this totally surprised her. She lowered the ball of yarn and looked at it...Then looked back at the excited, hopping Amix as she kept chanting,"Gimme! Gimme!"

Becca smiled and began throwing it up in the air, then catching it as Amix watched it with an predaters gaze.

"Sooooo. You want this pretty, red, soft, fun, ball of yarn?" Becca said in a sing song voice. Amix pouted and nodded her head yes.

"AMTHIX! Twhat are thoo doing? It's a ball fof tharn! Shhot her with that dart!" Wesker's ever clearing but still slightly messed up voice commanded. Amix shook her head and hissed at Becca.

"Nice try! But that- Oh! Red ball of yarn!"

Becca was slowly moving it around, like she was trying to hynotise her or something.

"Amthix!"

"Oh come on Amix. You know you want it!"

Don't thoo thare!"

"You waaaaaaant it."

"No, thoo don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No!"

"Yes"

"STOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIT! I'm soooo torn up by you two! Ummmmm, shoot girl! No! Nice girl offers barn of yarn! Shoot! Yarn! Uuuuuurg!...I...WANT...YAAAAAAAAAAAARN!" Amix yelled as she tried to grab it from Becca's hands. Becca threw the ball of yarn over the maze's high walls and ran. Amix took off after it, shouldering the rifle over her shoulder as she leaped and kicked of the walls to get to the top. Time to find that yarn!

**Now, on to who is stalking Ada...**

Vamp-Haruka followed the agent with a fast beating heart. Why she was following her? Cause she was a fan! Plus, she wanted to see if this was the Ada Wong from the games. She smiled. Yes, using her super stealth ways, she was fallowing the unexpected Ada Wong- gah! V tripped over a old person's foot. She caught the railing just in time, and looked up at Ada, who only looked over her shoulder. Good. She didn't suspect anything!

Okay, Vamp is a 6'0 young woman, with red hair the color of blood, eyes are green and grey, and she has her right, upper ear is pierced twice. Her clothing is a pair of black jeans, black boots, and a cool red sleevless shirt. This showed her tattoos nicely. Did she stood out from the nursing home? Yes. The patients here aren't as cool looking. Okay, back to the story!

Suddenly, V (I'm calling her that for short for her pen name.) felt a cane hit her head. Not hard enough to knock her out, but enough to make her eyes cross.

"Ouch! Why did you do that?!" V asked while rubbing he head. The old lady gave her a mean look and answered,"Bad doggy! Bad! Bad! Go to your room!" V backed away and wandered if this was a psychiatric ward instead of a nursing home. She turned around and saw Ada going into a patients room. She quickly followed, her boots making a loudy sqeaky sound on the waxed floor.

Of course, Ada heard this, but acted like she didn't. She knew someone was tailing her since about an hour ago on the streets. She even took the long way here, just to make sure. Whoever it was, they were a ametuer. But, she had to admit, they were brave following her...Or crazy.

V peeked in the room and saw Ada seating herself in a chair, beside a hospital be...Kinda a hospital bed.. In the bed, layed a feeble looking old man. His hair wa messed up, and a dull grey. He wore an old man shirt, the color was black. His blue blankets were pulled up to his waist, keeping him warm but not to warm. V was confused. One, why was the spy in a nursing home. Two, why was she visiting a old guy? He didn't look like he was possibly related to her. She cocked her head and waited for something to happen...ANYTHING!!!

"Wake up, Earl. Your grandaughter is here to see you," Ada said with a bored look on her face. The man scoweled and responded while opening his eyes,"What do you suspect me to do? This place smells like urine and crap! The nurses try to bum my cigs from me, my T.V. is broken, and there's absaloutley nothing to do in this joint! What makes this experiance worse, is that a oldler woman who doesn't hold the title of Recreational Directer anymore, keeps tring to run this place and run all the activities! I-"

"Oh calm down, Earl. Stop acting like a grumpy old man," Ada said with that hint of a smile she carries so well. The man rolled his eyes, and asked in a softer voice,"Can I take off this crappy mask?" V heard the young man's voice. Ada leaned over and whispered in a low voice,"If you comprimise my presence just because you're not able to hold out for another hour, I'll kill you..Right now..Now, you wouldn't do that and give me more paper work to file, would you?"

V watched as Earl gulped and shook his head no. Ada smiled and leaned back in her chair. Ada took out a nail file as she spoke in a cheery but low voice,"So, did you find out where the lab is?" As V strained to hear what was being said over those call buttons that alert the nurses, she failed to notice that little old lady that whacked her awhile ago was sneaking up behind her. The ole lady raised her cain, ready to strike when she broke into a coughing fit. V looked over her shoulder and cried out at the sight of the crazy lady.

V ran screaming, the little old lady scuffling her feet, crying out,"Come back her doggy! You've been very naughty!"

Meanwhile, Ada and Earl ignored the ruccas, not noticing a 6'0 eighteen year old being chased by a little old lady with fuzzy white hair, wearing a purple dress with fuzzy lavender slippers. In her hand was the brown, oak wood cane.

"So you see Ada, this will take a while. There's several labs underneath this facility, with countless experiments. Of course there all failures, but still, a very dangerous place. I suggest you come back when it is night time. Around ten fifeteen. That's when there is less nurses and guards," Earl said whilepressing his button to raise the bed in a sitting position.Meanwhile, in the back ground, "For the love of every Resident Evil game, leave me alone!"

"No! Come bak here doggy! Grandma promises that after your whipping that you'll get a treat!"

"Noooooooooooooooooo!"

Earl and Ada gave each other a strange look.

"Does that go on oftem?" Ada asked.

"You have no idea," responded Earl. As Ada argued with Earl about not having time to come back at night, they could hear in the background a sound of a machine. The old lady hijacked a unsuspecting resident of their electric scooter. Unfortunaly, the resident has been smuggling parts in to get his scooter to go a bit faster...As in ten miles per hour faster! That's pretty fast for a electric scooter. And for someone who is on foot and young, that scooter is giving poor V a run for her money.

"Will somebody help meeeeee! I can't hit the old lady! I'll hurt her!" V screamed as she ran back and forth down the hall. The old lady kept cutting her off.

"Listen Earl. My serpuriors will be very upset if I don't get this sample turned in by six this evening. If I don't, it'll be my a-- on the line, along with yours. So,-"

"Holy cow! Mrs.Deen is on the loose again! Mrs.Deen! Stooop! Don't harm that kid!," yelled a young male nurse. Now, their was Vamp running from Mrs.Deen, Mrs.Deen being chased by three male nurses and one female nurse dressed in white, and a old Mr.Ketterly yelling out,"I wanna go back to my roooom, d--- it!"

**Billy and Misty in the Pizza Hut/Taco Bell tiny, tiny, tiny, resturant...**

Misty raised an eyebrow at the tiny room they were in. A large glass window showed everyone walking past, doing whatever they do in this town! She studied the room. It was a amall room with a coule of tiny, tiny tables with two or three chairs at each table. The tables were all next to the window, making th room seem smaller somehow. Their was the soda dispencer that you get your own drinks when they hand you the plastic cups. Yes, this is not the best resturant in town. My town seems to ruin any yummy fast food place, only the burger joints are at least normal and good.

Anyways, back to Misty and Billy. Billy walked up to the counter, and asked what Misty what she would like to eat. She looked at the small menus up on the wall. She scoweled, noticing how they didn't even have the new stuf shown on the TV! She looked up at Billy and replied,"I guess I'll have two tacos. One soft shelled and one hard shell." Billy nodded and looked at the teenager at the cash register.

She had a bored look on her face as she said rather snobbily,"You going to order or what?" Billy narrowed his eyes and answered,"Yes. I would like-"

"Tell me what you want! What you really, really want! I'l tell you what I want, I really, really, wamt!," sung the girl's pink cell phone. She held up a finger and answered her cell with a smile.

"Hey girlfriend! Yeah, I'm working...What? No way...No way! Tommy broke up with Mitchell! Yes!...Ask him...Pleeeeaaaaassse!," the employee began to talk a hundred miles a minute on her phone, ignoring Billy as he tried to calmly, and patiently get her attention.

"Mam...Hey kid, could you please-"

"Excuse me! Your interupting a important conversation...Yeah, it's a guy getting impatient. Loser...Yeah. Okay, call me back, Okay?"

The girl put her cell back in her pcket in her apron as she gave a murderous glare at Billy.

"You were saying, sir?!," the girl said with an impatient voice. Billy was letting his anger show. He looked at her and bent over the counter, saying in his cold, marine voice. Misty almost smiled. This was going to be good.

"Yeah, you can help me. You can help me by taking my order! This is what I want, so listen carefully. I want two tacco's. One soft shelled, the other hard shelled. Then, I want a Beef, supreme burrito, a medium, meatlovers piaaz with stuff crust. Do-you-understand?"

The teenager narrowed her eyes and summed up their price. "$10.53 is what you owe. Pay up."

Billy took out his wallet and gave the brunette teenager the money. She went in the back, out of sight. Billy went and sat down in the chair. Misty came and did the same. She asked while looking out the window,"Is the food any good here?"

Billy answered," I really don't know. I've been living off subway and my own cooking. I heard though that is the kid named C.J. isn't here to cook, then it's better to run. I'm just to hungry to care."

As they waited, they saw a strange sight outside in the large parking lot. Fried chicken and Egg McMuffins were fighting. We're talking about food here! Wait, that doesn't surprise you readers. Heh. But it does with Misty and Billy.

"Do you see what I see?" Misty asked nervously. Billy looked really weirded out by this. He nodded and said,"After we eat our food, let's get out of here."

"I agree."

**Okay! Back to Becca and Amix!**

"Stupid red ball of yarn! Why did you tempt me away from my mission! Now, Wesker is going to release those monsters any second!" Amix complained as she hurridly followed after her prey, trying to find her. Suddenly, she heard the sound of doors being opened. Her eyes widened as she saw a zombie dog jump out of one of those compartments that just opened.

"MREEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOW! Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssss!" Amix said in her kitty language that translated to, "BACK OOFF DOGGIE!...I'm scared!"

The dog seemed to have one memorie left, to chase cats...Any shape or form. He began barking and running towared her. She screamed and jumped and jumped till she reached the top of the wall. She couldn't believe she allowed her cat side to get the best of her! She could take this dead mongrel! But not now! Time to find her prey!

Becca heard all the doors opening, releasing the monsters. She stopped as three zombies stumbled out of one compartment. One looked at her and pointed, groaning, "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. Arg." Translation Dinner..Yum. Becca backed away, seeing that they were coming after her. She stopped as soon as she heard a running sound behind her. A green hunter was running towared her, full speed ahead! She saw the gleam of his sharp claws, and saw her entire life flash before her eyes!...Wow, shouldn't life be longer than that?

She ducked as the hunter leaped in the air, missing her as it landed on the zombies. All three zombies fell back, groaning out in frustration,"Awwwwwwwwwwwwww! Groooooaaaaan aaaaaafg mumble mumble!" Translation " Whatch it! You tore open me and my friends stomachs! Now how are we sapposed to eat her?! Stupid, green, buttmunch!" Needless to say, the hunter didn't appreciate being talked to that way. He ripped one zombie's head off and began beating the other two with it. While this took place, Becca had succesfully snuck around them as they faught, and ran further down the maze! Whew!

Amix came upon this weird scene, not to long after Becca left. She cocked her head and stared at the strange sight. One zombie was biting the hunter's free hand, making a disgusted face at the taste. The other one was being beeten by the hunter with a dead zombie's head. Amusing, but a total waste of time. She held up the rifle, looking through the scope. After aiming till she had a perfect head shot, she fired. As soon as the dart hit the hunter's head, it conked out on top of the two zombies. The zombies groaned in frustration. They couldn't move the stupid hunter since they were not that strong! Stupid deterating muscles!

Amix smiled as she ran past the sight. There could only be one huntress...Not a hunter! Muah!Hahahahahahahaaa! She soon came upon a cornered Becca. She was rummaging through her bag as a licker and another hunter walked towared her. The licker would snap its jaws at the hunter if it got to close to what it considered its prey. The hunter would swipe a claw at the licker if it's tounge darted in its direction when it got close to Becca. This was a problem. The hunter wanted to tear apart Becca, just for sport. While the licker was hungry and needed a snack. You see the delima. Now throw Amix in the mix...

Amix slowly walked over to the two predaters. The hunter growled as she came near them. It could sence that she wasn't all that human. So could the licker. Although it had no eyes, it tasted the air with it's tounge, and also feeling and hearing the sounds and vibrations she made. Amix smiled and said,"Hiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssss! Back off! She's mine!"

The other two turned their heads in her direction, making disapproving sounds. The hunter roared and jumped towared her, but didn't kill her since she was to fast. She jumped on top of it's back and began trying to choke it with her rifle. The licker was disappointed since he could not see what was happening. Why must he be the one without eyes?

The licker was lost in it's blood thirsty thoughts, not noticing the two struggling predaters stumbling towards him. Suddenly, he was tripped over and soon caught in the middle. The licker screamed as it was being beaten by the two high strun predaters. Every time he tried to get out, they would pull him back in. Amix soon grew bored with htis and shot the hunter with her rifle. He fell down unconcious, snoring, She nest shot the licker, he in turn fell on top of the hunter and fell asleep with a creepy teethy grin. She turned and saw that Becca had slipped away again!

She ran till she caught up with the teen. She smiled and said as she raised the rifle,"I think you need to just give up...Hey, Stop doing that!" Becca had started flinging chicken feathers in her face! Thousand upon thousands of feathers were in the air. Amix began coughing as she gagged on tiny feathers.

"Amix. Thwhat are you thoing?" Wesker asked with boredom. She sputtered as her eyes began to water,"Choking on ch-cough, sputter. Chicken feathers." Wesker sighed and shook his head. Why can't he get a decent employee for once.

"Thuyst, get her," he replied over the intercom. Amix grumbled and ran after the retreating Becca. She could hear her footsteps and...giggles? When she rounded a corner, a big hershey bar came flying at her head. Amix caught it, blinking while staring at the smiling Becca. Next thing Mix knew, Becca was throwing candy bars left and right at ther! Aaaaaand, she didn't mind.

"CHOCOLATE! I love chocolate! More!" Amix said distracted. Becca stopped and gave her a puzzled look as Amix lost self controle and began ravaging the chocolate. Wow. She loved chocolate more than she did. She decided to speak to the happy Amix.

"Uuum, how do I get out of here?" Becca asked, noticing how involved Amix was with eating the chocolate. Amix only stopped long enough to say,"You're almost there. Take a turn to the left, two to the right, then go straight and you'll reach the door that will lead you to another creepy place! Now leave me alone!"

Becca smiled and turned and ran. As she followed the directions, a bandersnatcher watched from the rafters. He narrowed his eyes andfollowed her from above. Becca didn't notice. When she reached for the door, she felt sweet relief. Then, she entered the room of HORRORS!

**Back at the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut...Will the madness ever end**?!!!!!

"Hey you! Your orders are ready," the bored teenager said as she put the box of pizza and the tacco bell bag on the counter. Billy walked over and grabbed his order, and gave a mocking smile.

"Thanks for your lack of good service," Billy said as he walked away. The girl rolled her eyes and got back on her cell phone. Misty shook her head at the clueless girl. She would love to put her in a Res fic! Ooo, she would have some evil things happen to her..Muah! Hahahahahahhahaaaaa!

"Eat up, Misty."

Misty smiled as she took out her two taccos. Hmmm. Which one first...She grabbed the soft shell and took a big bite, and grimaced. First of all, the tacco was way over loaded, which caused half of the greasy meat, cheese, and lettace to fall out of the tacco. Second, something was wrong with the meat. Billy noticed her look as he took a huge bite out of his slice of Meatlovers pizza. He asked her with his mouth full,"Whrrmt?"

She took a napking while sitting her tacco down. She was about to spit it out when the impossible happened. The tacco screamed and jumped up, wrapping its white torteila around its body.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH! Oh the AGONY! YOU TOOK A CHUNK OUT OF ME!"

Billy and Misty both spat out their mouth full of food.

"What the h---?!" Billy cried out as he jumped from his chair. The tacco walked over to its companion and cried out,"Did you see what she did to me! Get up lazy! I need help restuffing myself. After that, I want to eat...HER!"

The hard shell slowly got out of his wrapper. Don't ask me how the cow meat and lettace and cheese is alive, just blame it on the Umbrella corperation. Anyway, the hardshell slowly balanced itself and said in a brittish, bored tone,"How can we eat her? Hmmm. We're actually dead cows, milk that is turned into chees, and a vegetable with tortelias and a hard shell. We aren't even sapposed to be alive. This doesn't make sense whatso- AAAAAAAAH!" Softy pushed the Hardshell off the table and began cursing like a sailer.

Meanwhile, Billy calmly grabbed his box of pizza and Misty's hand. He walked over to the babbling teenager who really wasn't paying attention. Billy gave his box of pizza to Misty, then slammed his fist on the counter. The girl jumped and dropped her phone. She let out a whiney sound and picked up her damaged phone.

"Look what you done! I was just about to get the boy of my dreams to ask me out, and you-"

"Now listen here, you stuck up, litlle brat! Your food sucks almost as bad as your attitude. You see that talking freak over there?" Billy asked as he pointed at the table. The girl looked at the cursing tacco and shrugged.

"You point?"

Billy looked like he was going to explode. Misty watched in facination as the Billy ticking bomb got ready to explode. But to her surprise, he calmed down and said ever so calmly," Hold on a sec."

He walked back over to the table and picked up the cursing taco, who still was cursing at his majorly injured friend. He walked back to the corner, and started talking to the taco.

"Do you see this?! This isn't normal! I demand a refund," the calm Billy demanded. The girl rolled her eyes yet again and answered,"Can't do that."

"I thought you would lie. I'm only going to say this one more time...I (throws a bit of meat at the girl. Mr.Soft begins tostruggle and scream.) want (throws a good piece of greasy meat in her hair.) to get (by now the girl is screaming bloody murder) a refund. Here catch!" Billy said with a smirk. Misty was shocked. Billy has snapped!...MAN HE'S AWSOME!!!

The girl screamed as the taco splattered on her face. Mr.Softy let out his last speech,"Remember me...Remember my meaty goodness. I can see my fellow cows...Good bye."

Meanwhile the manager walked in on the scene.

"Oh crap. Not again! Shelly! How many times I told you to not to be rude to the costumers! What the...AHHHHHHHH!" screamed the manager. A whole heard of Burrito's, tacos, and nocho salads started hopping their way, crying out,"Food! Food! Food!"

"Come on!" Billy yelled as he took Misty's hand and ran out of that pathetic excuse for a resturant. The cooks and the girl and manager followed suit. To Billy's and Misty's surprise, people were running around being attacked by fried chicken, Egg McMuffins, cheeseburgers and...fries? Misty looked up at her hero and said,"Got any ideas?"

Billy looked back at her and replied,"Get the h--- out of Dogde?"

**Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuummmmbllllllllllllllleeeee!!!!**

"Hello, all you internet peeps! This is Chris, taking you people to a cool fight, right here in Raccoon City! And here's my co anchor, Scotty! My little bro," spoke a tall, young man. I'm not telling you guys his age since I don't think he would want that, but let's say he is old enough to smpke..Okay? As for his brother, I'm not telling ya either..SORRY!

" Hey...Are we going to get paid for this?" asked the some what freaked out, blond young man. He looked down at the ground, whatching the zombies duking it out...IT was quite intertaining.

"Scott. I told you man, people will pay for this! A little down loading, and soon, the fans will be begging for more. Then we could just record it and sell DVD's of it," responded Chris while giving his younger brother a look. Chris was wearing a white shirt with jeans, and he wore a cold chain to complete his look while Scotty wore a black t-shirt with the logo printed on it, saying."You Suck!" Of course he wore jeans. They especially picked out this attire for this occasion.

"Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, if your just tooning in, I want to say welcome. This is Zombie Bash, the live footage of the zombie hords going at it. We currently got a guy on the ground, trying to, uuuh...What the? Is he crazy! He's trying to interview the zombies!" Scotty yelled as he looked down, seeing what's going on. Chris leaned over and shrugged.

"He's okay. See," he said while pointing at the crazy teen. The guy with the digital camera bent over and zoomed in. The long haired brunetted was running around with a microphone and trying to interview. Unfortunally, he was being chased by the irritated zombies. They didn't like being interupted while fighting each other. The zombie dogs ignored the kid and was busy chewing on Res 1 zombies legs.

"How ya doing Johnny?" hollared Chris. Jouhny looked up and screamed as a Res 1 zombie in stage two tried to take his head off. Chris smiled and said,"See."

George the Res 2 zombie noticed this and made his way to the running Johnny. Johnny ran into him and fell down, sure he was about to make his maker. The Res 1 zombie let out a roar and jumped in the air, ready to kill the guy. George groaned and surprisingly brought his fist back and quickly and with a huge burst of strength, upper cutted the Res 1 zombie. He went flying through the air and landed on some zombie dogs. They gave a crazy smile and tore into him.

George lent a disgusting hand to the scared Johnny. Johhny took it and got up. Everyone stopped fighting. George began to speak into the microphone,"Groooooooaaaaaaaan! Grrrrrrraaaaaaaaaa arg mumble, mumble groan. Aaaarg auhhhhhhnnnn ewwwwwnoinnnnnnnnn uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh groan arg! Groooaaaaan!" Translation "We're getting no where with fighting in this Lord of the rings style war. I suggest that we turn this into a zombie boxing match! Look up there. We're being broadcasted on the,uuuuuuuh, thingy. I forget what's it called, but it's cool! I challenge you Res 1 zombies to the boxing, eating match of the century!"

At first, there was silence. Then some murmering. As you know, zombies are very stupid. But most were newly made zombies so, yeah. They agreed cause they could under stand a little.

"Uuuuuuuuuuun er arg grooooaaaaaan. Groaaaan urrr auhhhhhhhhh?" Translation "Yeah, that sounds cool. But, do we have to use our hands only?," spoke some of the Res 2 and 1 aombies. George looked at Tom zombie who in turn looked at George zombie. Tom attempted to shrug. George answered,"Arrrrrrrg uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhn groan. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr groan mumble." Translation No, you can use teeth as well, but only on the ankle when you are on the ground. The rest of the time, we'll use gloves and old methods."

"Bark. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?" Translation We'll fight too. But we can't use gloves...Can we rip apart the loser?"

George groaned, telling them yes. Of course they howeled and barked with joy. Meanwhile, Jounny stood paralised, peeing his pants.

Chris and Scotty stared as the zombies prepared for the match..

**Thirty minutes later...**

"Are they done with whatever they ar edoing?" Scotty asked bored as he sipped his soda. Chris looked down and jumped up with a relieved look on his face.

"Yeah. About time to. Hey, check this out," Chris said while staring with a disbelieving look on his face. The zombies had mad a ring with two trampolines put together. (Rectangle ones.) They had Clothes lines all around it, preventing the zombies from falling over if pushed into the makeshift ropes. They had chairs and a steps that looked like it belonged to a trailer. (It did. Now those poor people will fall out when they step out of the door! Haaa! Haaaaaaa!)

What took so long was the zombies. They were losing their memory every minute, losing track of what they were sapposed to do. Poor George and Tom were busy groaning at their idiot armies. Only the dogs proved competant enough to get things done. Now, they wer ready for the big match!

"Uuuum. J-J-Jpohnny here. I-I-I'm standing here with the first contestants, Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy (Res 2) and Captain Dum-dum.)Res 1) Their waiting excitedly for their match...Uuum. Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy, d-d-do you have any predictions in how this match will turn out? Are you af-af-afraid that this abnormal zombie will kill you first?"

"Errrrrrrr! Groan uuuuuuuhhhh,...uuuuuh...Un?" Translation Noooo! I'm not, uuuuuh...Huh?"

Johnny shivered at the sight of the pink tutu wearing Res 2 zombie. He turned and asked the other basically the same question. Except for the part with how the other is abnormal. Res 2 was a normal zombie...Well, almost. Why he was in that garb was beyond him.

"ArrrrrrrrrrrrrrrG! Rooaortoor! Yoooooooooooo groan!" Translation NEEEEEVVVER! I'll crush the punk! The idiot!"

"Back to you Chris...I want my moooooommmy!"

"Thanks Johnny. Well, there you have it! Two, seriously freaky zombie dudes, duking it out...Cool," Chris said while smiling. Scotty stared at him like he was crazy. He turned to the camera and said,"Well, back to the match. It's starting."

Johhny stood in the middle of the ring, shivering. He held the microphone like it was his only hope of surviving. He was seriouly having doubts about his stupid idea to interiew zombies!

"Introdusing, the master of disaster, the prince of Fuzzy bears, the king of spring, Mr.Fuuuuuuuzy Wuuuuuzy!"

Zombies got up and groaned for applause. Mr.FuzzyWuzzy was being dragged out by the zombie dogs, on a sleigh. He slowly got in the ring and raised an arm, the muscle tissue tore in the arm pit, causing his arm to hang limply, but not to limp. He had some dead life in that arm.

"Now, intering the ring. The zombie who puts the Dum in Dummie, the village idiot, the snapper wrapper, Caption Dum-dum!"

As the faster phase one zombie jumped into the ring, he recieved boo's from Res 2 zombies. He shot them a bird and growled. He walked up to the tuto wearing freak, and stared at him while Johnny read them the rules. After that, Jounny stepped back and hollered as he got out of that ring,"Leeet's get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuumble!"

Ding! Ding! The match was on!

**Meanwhile, the biscuits and the hamburgers are are busy trying to get their evil message acrossed...**

As the biscuit armies and cheeseburger armies hop down the street, they attack people while puttin posters up. This is what it said,"We're taking over! Give up, or DIE! Thanks for reading!"

Huh, not very creative, are they. WHAT THE?!

A biscuit jumps up to my computer screen, yelling at me and you readers.

"Not creative?! We don't need you! We're immortal! We're what you have nightmares about! Fear us! Bow down before the masters of this world! Muah! Hahahahahahahahahaaaaa!"

Hey! Excuse me, I created you, I can sure take you out, you pilsbary doe boy!

"Aaaarg! How dare you! You have no longer controle over this dimension! We will rule yoooooooou! "

That's it! If you don't get back to the plot, I'm going to send in some thing to really get your crazy zombie biscuit selves to fear the author! Shut up, and step away!

"NEEEVER!"

Okay, you asked for it! In the next chapter, you'll meet a old friend!

"Muah! Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!"

**Authors Note:Okay, sorry for how long it took to put this one up. Every time Iworked on it, I got interupted or I erased what I wasn't satisfied with. Then, family kept showing up, which kept me on my toes! So, sorry for being late. As for Amy, Jeremy, SaberTooth and Clair and Leon, your still in the story. I got so carried away that I didn't notice that my chapter grew so looong! Don't worry, your in the next chapter! Heheheheheheeee!**

**Hunk: _Hey! Will you please let the rest of us go? We're getting tired of being locked away in your room! _**

**Me_: Shut up! I'm waiting on more people who want to be in my story! Wait your turn!_**

**Hunk walks over to a couch, looking menacing in that gas mask...Whatever!**

**Ashley_: SOMEBODY! HEEEEEEELP UUUUS! THIS CRAZY AUTHOR IS SUCKING EVERYONE IN OUR DI-_**

**Me_: HEY! Don't make me gag you again, blondie! I just might put you and Nemmie in the next chapter...In a locked room. _**

**Ashley_: AHHHHHHHHHH_! (Runs away to the corner, shivering.**

** Okay, that's better. I hope ya'll enjoyed it! It may not be the funniest, but it is certainly the longest chapter I written! Review! And write me if you want in on the action! **


	6. Chapter 6:This Sucks!

**Authors Note: Hello, hello, hello again! I'm so glad you were brave enough to come back and read! Don't believe the rumors, I'm not trying to take over the world by controlling the Res. world by throwing you Res fans in the story...HONESTLY!...Well, maybe...Ahem..Guess what you cool readers, we got another one! Hehehehe! You'll going to like this fan as much as the others!!!! Now, read and review!!!!!!!!**

**Chaos in the Resident Evil World!**

**Chapter 6: This Sucks!**

Leon and Claire breathed heavily as they finally stopped running. They leaned against a brick wall in a alley way.

"Did we lose them?" Claire asked as she got her breathing under control. Leon peeked around the corner and nodded his head.

"Yeah, I think we lost them...For the time being," he said with a worried look on his face. This was a nightmare for him. He never thought he would see a Regenerate again. But, lo and behold, he did. And it seemed it had a crush on Claire...What the h--- is going on?

"Is that thing one of those creatures from Spain?" Claire asked at with a nervous glance at our Spain hero. He turned his blue eyes to her and gave a sad nod. Claire cursed and threw down the flowers she still had in her hand. This was turning out to be a crappy day. Good thing she was off work today...But Leon, he wans't. She asked Leon for the time.

"It's...This can't be right...2:20...I'm four hours late! We'vie been chased for four hours! That''s it, I'm going to kill that Regenerate once and for all!"

"Wait, Leon! Calm down! I'm sure the President will understand! You saved his daughter after all..Leon!"

But Claire's words fell on deaf ears. He walked to the sidewalk and waited. Sure enough, that van came into view, speeding up as the occupants saw their prey. Claire ran over to Leon and tried to get him to run. But the stubborn man stood his ground. Claire finally let go of his arm and looked around for a weapon. She ran back to the alley way and grabbed a two by four (Hey, it's my story, I'll help out the characters anyway I like! Haas!) and gave it to Leon. He took it and waited patiently for the van to park.

The Regenerate smiled at the foolish human. To think that he could kill him with a board! He wheezed a laugh and looked over to Dr.Salvador. The potato sack freak was mumbling and looking quite excited. Time for a little pay back! Dr.Salvador parked the car in front of Leon. He unbuckled his seatbelt and went in the back to get his chainsaw. The man with the fancy car whinnied and was in the fetal position, nest to Dr.Salvadore's chainsaw. The two parasite infected wolves were laying down, completely bored now of the frightened man.

Dr.Salvador grabbed the man and his chainsaw and opened the sliding van door. He kicked the man out and hopped out himself. He grinned when he heard Leon's gasp. As for the two wolves, they lazily got out, hoping to get in a kill to spice up their day.

Leon backed away, hoping his plan would work. He hadn't expected for the Dr.Salvador chainsaw freak to show up...This sucks!

The Regenerater slowly stepped out, wheezing at the sight of the lovely Claire Redfield. The Regenerater grabbed the frightened man and drug him towered Leon and Claire. The man looked at the drooling monster and tried to speak...

Nothing came out but a long squeak. The Regenerater shook him, trying to get his point across. Leon looked at the man and said,"I think he wants you to apologize to Claire." The man nodded his head and said,"I'm sorry." He then fainted. Leon quickly raised the two by four and hit the Regenerater's head with all his might. The head was knocked off, rolling on to the sidewalk. Slimy gore sprayed into the air, showering Mr.Salvador. Tentacles whipped around, starting the reconstruction progress. Meanwhile, Leon and Claire jumped in the van and hijacked it. The sped away, leaving a surprised Dr.Salvador,the headless Regenerate, the out cold grumpy man, and two bored Chamillos...Got to love it!

Dr.Salvador turned his head and said in Spanish,"I left the keys in the van...Oops." The Regenerater who's head was half way reconstructed, slapped the back of Dr.Salvador's head, knocking him unconscious.

**Back to Birkin and SaberTooth...Heheheheheeeeee**!

Okay, what's going on here.

William jumped and dropped a vile of whatever chemicals. He cursed and looked up at the ceiling with a evil glare.

What, I show up unexpectedly at times, sue me.

"I was enjoying a little peace and quiet till you showed back up. Don't even think of putting in another CD!"

Heh. That wasn't me...I'm just the author, I can't help if Res fans don't really like you...

"Go away!"

Fine. Be that way! I'll go narrate about someone else!

Okay, here's SaberTooth, silently working on finding more pranks to pull on Mr.Whiny pants.

SaberTooth's eyes are getting wide so comically, trying to figure out where my voice is coming from. Now she's looking a little panicky. Hey, don't worry, I'm not the bad guy.

"Uuuum, okay. What or who are you?" SaberTooth whispered. So, I'll answer her...

"Can't tell you that. But I can tell you I'm a disembodied voice that belongs to a Res fan.Don't worry, I'm not a ghost! Just a fan.

"Heh. That's weird, but cool."

So, what you got planned up your sleeve?

"Well, I just got through mixing up some virus samples, you know, to make them go wrong and backfire on Birkin."

That's cool, but I suggest you get out of here. There's- Aaaah! Noooo!

But it was to late, SaberTooth accidentally bumped into a red button on the wall. The release button...Oh crap, I'm shutting up and just will stick to writing for now!

"Hey! Where you...OH CRAP!," hollered SaberTooth, not caring if Birkin heard her anymore. Birkin turned to the teen and was going to say something when he noticed that all the capsules were unfreezing the experiments...This was bad.

"AAAAAAAAAH!" Birkin screamed as he ran through the double doors. SaberTooth followed, hoping that she could escape alive.

**Let's move on to Luis, Jeremy and Amy! Yaaaaaay!**

Luis cursed when the announcer of the Spanish music hour, said that was all the music they would hear for the afternoon. Now what was he going to listen to?

He was going to turn it when Jeremy said,"Don't even think about it. I like this crazy station...You turn it, I get Marco to start barking again."

Luis cursed. Why was he letting these kids boss him around? Because they were good at torturing him, that's why. He almost smiled at the thought. Although he would never admit it out loud, he liked them...When the girl wasn't busy singing along with the radio or when the boy was asking him things that was a tad bit personal.

Amy turned the radio up when their favorite newscast spoke up...Aie, yie yie

_This is Bob speaking. Here to give you more news! Raccoon City is in chaos. We're filled with zombies, green monsters, monsters with long tongues, and those fast food zombie thingy's. Officials are working hard on a solution to solve this crisis. Sarah is at the scene where the mayor and the city council are busy discussing our predicament...Sarah, your on the air.._

_Hello, this is Sarah knuckles at the scene of this...this...meeting thingy. Oh, just listen for yourselves._

Mayor_: Okay, so we are agreed. We will use everyone's city tax money for the new golf carts. I think this is a fabulous ides! Soo...Hey! Hey you! Get that woman! We're not supposed to have reporters here! Guards!_

Sarah_: You can't stop the radio public ear to here the truth! Your not even working on our immediate crisis! Aaaah! Take that coppers! You'll never catch me! NEEEVEEERRRR! I'm going to move on up with this bit of info! Public television, here I come!_

_(Guards shouting in the background. The sound of running footsteps are heard over the radio. The sound of Sarah's maniacal laughter is heard over the radio.)_

_Ooookay, this station's employees are getting crazier by the minute. On other news, Those crazy biscuits and their pals, the cheeseburgers and Egg McMuffins are putting posters all over the city. Graffiti covers the once beautiful city hall. Sayings like, Biscuits rule and Humans suck or Cheeseburgers are the masters. Jack Daniels is at the scene right now. Jack, your on the air._

Jack: _This is Jack Daniels, at the city hall where Sarah is inside the meeting...(Stupid bimbo! How come she gets to go inside!) Heh. Anyways, I'm standing next to a civilian named Chuck. Chuck, how do you feel about all this graffiti covering your town?_

Chuck: _It sucks man. Sucks. It wouldn't be so bad if they made it prettier, like...unnmmmm, putting a shooting star there. Yeah, I would like that._

Jack_: ...Sir, they painted that all humans should die on the doors of the city hall. How can you say you would like it better if they were better painters?_

Chuck_: ...Did you know that your named after a beer? Cool man. Can I have a beer?_

Jack_: ...Go...Away...Now..._

Chuck: _Okay. See ya later dude!_

Jack_: I've got to get another job...What the? Hey, it's the bimbo, Sarah! Heh. She's being chased by security and cops! Oh wow! Does this mean I get the more important assignments, Bob? _

Bob_: Oh crap! Don't report that Jack! People don't-_

Jack_: Whoo hooo! Now she's getting tazored and beaten with clubs! Yeah! Beat that #?&?#! I'll help! Take this you story stealing (whack!) bimbo (whack) cheating (whack) slut! Who's your daddy?! Yeah! Now that's news! This is Jack Daniels reporting for the stupid radio news! Back to you Bob!_

_...Why am I here again? Oh yeah, bills to pay...And they turned me down for the public television news...Okay, you people have been listening to RC radio station. Where lunatics are hired just because we're cheap! Sponsored by "Stupid Idiots" company._

"That...was...COOL! Man, this reminds me of...AAAAAAAAH!" Jeremy didn't get to finish what he was saying due to the fact that they were about to run over a deer!

Luis smashed the brakes as he tried to dodge the deer. Unfortunately they didn't stop fast enough. They heard a loud thud as they came to a complete stop. They sat there for a minute, stunned. Luis looked at Amy and Jeremy, asking with deep concern in his eyes. "Is everyone alright?"

Amy nodded while a whispered yes came from Jeremy. Luis leaned his head back and collected his nerve to get out.

"Okay, you two stay here in the car. I'm going to check out the damage."

Luis opened his door and got out. He slowly walked around and looked at the deer and his Hummer. Of course, there was no damage to that thing, but the deer, one deer was stuck in the grill. And the deer looked like it was sleeping peacefully...Except for the blood on his head.

"The poor thing! You killed him!" Amy said from behind him. Luis whipped around and said with a scolding look,"I thought I told you to stay in the car."

"Well, we wanted to see the damage...Deer killer!" Amy accused the stunned Luis.

"What?! It was an accident! I-"

"You killed Bambie!" Jeremy yelled dramatically. Luis began to try to usher the two back in the car.

"Now listen. It was an accident. He came out of nowhere. Now, you two go back into the car, I'll dispose of..this...dead deer. Shew. Go on," Luis said with no success. Amy just couldn't bare for the deer to just get thrown on the side of the road...Think about the poor people who have to drive past a stinky carcase!

"Luis, we have to bring him with us...Till we get to another town. There, the vet can cremate him," Amy said with determination. Luis tried to say no, but the look from both of them was enough to shut him up.

"Fine! Just get back in the car," Luis grumbled. Amy smiled while Jeremy got back in the back seat.

"Just don't put him back here. I've seen enough dead corpses for the day," Jeremy said before closing the door. He heard Luis grunting and mumbling as he slowly dragged the deer to the back of his Hummer. The back popped open, revealing a somewhat sweaty Luis as he put the deer in the very back. The things he did for kids!

Luis walked back the drivers seat and started the hummer again. Amy noticed that he didn't have the antler that was stuck in the grill.

"Where's the antler?" Amy asked. Luis mumbled,"I couldn't get it out of the grill. I'll have to have a mechanic to get the d--- thing out." Amy kept the smile from appearing on her face. Poor Luis. As they drove along, they listened to yet another radio broadcast.

_Rc radio staaaaaatiiiiiioooooon! Welcome every body to Lazlo's griping hour. The guy we all hate!_

_Heh. You guys are so funny! Okay, welcome to my new radio talk show, the Lazlo's's griping hour. This will finally be a way for me to express myself with intelligent people! Unlike Liberty City. Man, that place sucked. _

_Today, the guests are Governor Johnny B. Good, a local citizen named Billy Bob, and the lovely mayer's wife, C.C. Boom box. Welcome to the show everyone!_

_Everyone: Thank you!_

_So, what do you think of this devastating affair in Raccoon City? Countless people are being chomped by weird looking zombies, then turned into them! What do you have to say, Governor Johnny B. Good?_

Johnny: _It's really sad Lazlo. I was notified about this viral outbreak just an hour ago. I'm really disappointed in the mayer for not contacting me sooner._

C.C_.: Now wait just a minute! We called you politicians at the very beginning!_

Lazlo_: Woe. Wait your turn please, Mame. Please proceed Governor._

Johnny_: AS I was saying, this is really the mayor's fault. If he paid attention closer, then none of this would have happened._

Lazlo_: So, your putting all the blame on the mayor? Isn't that a bit unfair? From witnesses reports, the out break started in the mall. Nobody was doing any experiments there. _

Johnny_: ...Well, you see, I once had a pony named Osscer. We Killed him, the end...VOTE FOR ME NEXT ELECTION! _

Lazlo_: You're avoiding the question, Governor Good._

Johnny: _No I'm not. Want a cigar?_

Lazlo: _Oh for crying out loud. Mrs.Boom box, what's your take on this? What is your husband doing about our crisis?_

C.C.: _Well, Lazlo, that's a good question. I, errr, I mean my husband is putting all his power into the situation. We're talking about asking the government to send in troops like the last time. If my plan...I mean my husband's plan doesn't work, we'll have to nuke this City all over again._

Lazlo: _Okaaaay. But what is your plan?_

C.C.: _...?...No comment, my dear. Hey! Would you like a lolly pop?_

Lazlo: _No, I do not. sigh. Okay, on to a normal person. Billy Bob, what's the citizens thoughts on this horrific crisis?_

Billy: (Talks in southern voice) _It's horrible! Dang zombies! Their everywhere! We got biscuit zombies, Hamburger zombies, Even d--- Egg McMuffins! What the (Beep!) is (Beep!) going on her! (Beeeeeeeeeep!)_

Lazlo: _Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop the cursing. This is a public radio station._

Billy_: Don't (Beep!) (Beep!) me to stop cursing! I'm from the south! We curse alot! _

Lazlo_: ...Why me?_

**On to Leon and Claire! Their at the White House, just getting clearance to go on ahead...**

"This sucks! What's going on here, Leon?" Claire asked anxiously. Leon shrugged, out of answers for the moment. They got out of the van and went inside the White House.

TEN MINUTES LATER...

"And that's what happened President Graham," Leon explained as they sat in the oval office. Graham looked pale. He rubbed his chin as he sat and pondered all that Leon had said. He finally spoke on the issue at hand.

"You know the New Raccoon City, right?"

Leon and Claire looked at each other and then back at the President. "Yeah," they said in unison. HE continued,"Well, there's been another viral outbreak...This time, involving biscuits, McDonald;s cheeseburgers, McMuffins, and some weird looking zombies. And now, you tell me that there's creatures from Spain here? This is not a coincidence."

Leon looked over at Claire, who looked like she would be sick at any second. He knew what she was thinking...Umbrella. It always pointed to Umbrella.

SOMEWHERE IN THE WHITE HOUSE

"Heheheeee! Soon, I'll have a gift for Salazar! That cutie! Wow, that was a bit over the top," Wolves Call said as she flipped her long ash blond hair over her shoulder. No, she isn't a bad girl, she's a fan of Resident Evil! Muah! Hahahahahaaa! Anywho, she woke up in this crazy reality with a note. From me! This is what is said, Ahem.

_Dear Res fan, _

_Your here for one purpose only... To have fun in this fan fic! Start up some chaos, pick a character or more to bug! Just have fun! _

_Right now your in the White house, where Ashley Graham and her dad live. Leon and Claire will be along soon, so come up with a crazy plan! I'll be watching your progress, so do not fail! _

_Yours Truly, _

_A Res Fan-Girl!!_

_P.S. Ramon Salazar is back! Heheheheheee_!

So, that's why she's spying on the president and Leon and Claire. She decided to bring chaos by kidnapping Leon and Ashley and bring them to Salazar! She knew where he was by the map drawn on the back of the note. She just hoped she didn't disappoint that creepy fan. A person who brought you into the Res world has got to be a powerful, crazy person!

She quickly grabbed her supplies and got ready for her plan. Although she rather wear her beautiful, black velvet long sleeved shirt and black velvet pants, she knew she had to look the part to get what she wanted. So, she is now dressed in a blue business suit with her long, blond hair that reached her waist was put in a bun. That kinda gave her a headache but it would be worth it! She grabbed her suitcase and left the room.

She nervously looked around as she went through clearance yet again. She almost let out a howl of triumph as she went up the stairs. After navigating through the White house and all the other stuff, she reached the door that led to Ashley's room. Ashley was taking a bread from college, which was good for her since she would have no clue where the young woman's college is. She gently knocked, and smiled when she heard that oh so familiar voice say, "Come in!"

She interred and gave a wolfish smile at the young, blond woman. Ashley gave her a strange look and asked,"Uuum, are you new?"

BACK TO LEON AND CLAIRE AND THE PRESIDENT...

"I want you to watch over Ashley till we get this situation under control," the president ordered Leon after discussing plans for the immediate crisis. Leon, who rather be on the front lines in investigating the viral outbreak, sighed and nodded his head. He was given an order, so he had to carry it out.

The president looked at Claire and smiled. "And you, Miss Redfield, will be going on a mission of your own. I want you to go down with our special forces units to Raccoon City. You've had experience in the matter, so you'll be giving advice and will be giving support over the radio. Don't worry, you won't be going in the infected area's, you'll be giving directives to the units and giving Intel. That is, if you accept this mission," the President said with a hopeful face.

Claire sighed and closed her eyes. She didn't really have a choice. She opened her blue eyes and agreed to go. President Graham smiled and signaled for them to leave. As the two friends left the oval office, they gave each other a sad look. It sucked to be separated at a time such as this. But, that was fate. They embraced and said their goodbyes, then went their separate ways.

Leon knew where Ashley's room was so it didn't take long to get there. He knocked on the door, being the polite guy he was...Well, when he wanted to be. After waiting for Ashley to answer, he began to get a little impatient. He knew she was up here since the agents said she has never left her room all day. He knocked again, this time a bit more forcibly. An agent who was standing nearby walked over and asked if there was a problem.

Leon told him that Ashley wasn't answering her door. The agent looked puzzled and began knocking. No answer. The agent drew out his gun and opened the door. Both agents ran in the rooom, gasping at the sight of Ashley hogtied on the bed with a sock gagging her mouth. Her eyes were wide open, panic and anger shining through her brown eyes.

"Mhmmhmhmhm mhmh mhmhmmh!"

"What?," the nameless agent asked with a puzzled look. Ashley rolled her eyes as Leon rushed over and began to try untying the 23 year old woman. Suddenly, the nameless agent fell to the ground, a dart in his neck. He began to snore loudly, to Ashley's annoyance. Leon whipped around, staring at a M9 gun barrell.

"Nighty night, Leon," Wolves Call said with a smile. The dart hit Leon right, in between the eyes, knocking him out instantly. He fell to the ground with a snore, panicking Ashley.

**Solid Snake and Octagon in New York Philamperthy head quarters...**

"Hal!...Haaaaaal!," Snake hollered as he researched his gun cabinet. It had to be here somewhere! Snake knew his gun was here an hour ago!

"What's the matter Snake?," the computer hacker asked while walking in on a frantic Snake. The only time he seen Snake act this way was when Octagon accidentally bent one of Snake's precious boxes or when Raiden came over to bond with the older mercenary.

"What's the matter! I'll tell you what's the matter! My M9 has disappeared!"

"Snake, you probably misplaced it. I've done that a-"

"I do not misplace my guns Octagon," Snake said while narrowing his green eyes at the now nervous hacker. Hal gulped, knowing that was true. Snake was surprisingly a very clean, neat, responsible guy for an busy mercenary. Must be his military training.

Hal pushed his glasses up his nose and asked,"When did you see it last?" Snake sighed and closed his gun cabinet. "One hour ago," he answered with a sad look on his face. Hal began pacing, a sign of his enormous brain kicking into thinking mode. Snake watched, thinking that one day Hal was going to ware out the carpet by doing that.

"Aaha! Let's check the camera footage!"

Snake shrugged and followed the eager man to their small security room. After waiting a minute or two, they saw a red head sneaking over to Snake's gun cabinet and take the M9. She then disappeared, which freaked out the two heroes. Snake and Hal looked at each other, unsure of what they just saw. Hal broke the silence.

"So, are we going to trace where that- uuuh- woman is?"

"She stole my gun...What do you think?!"

Octagon sighed as Snake ordered him to compare the young woman's face with the government's file. Octagon muttered under his breath,"Why me?"

**Back to SaberTooth and Birkin!**

SaberTooth looked behind her as she followed close behind the running scientist, Birkin. She gulped at the sight. It was Nemisis, from Resident Evil three!!! She cried out when she ran into Birkin who suddenly stopped. They fell to the ground, Birkin on the floor with Saber Tooth on top.

"Get off of me!" William demanded. Saber Tooth rolled her eyes and obliged. She froze when she saw who was standing in front of her...Well, I mean what was standing in front of her. Whatever...It...was...SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS! AHHHHHH!!!!

"Where doooooomed!" Birkin yelled while curling up in the fetal position. He began to cry and cry. Spongebob and SaberTooth watched him with puzzled expressions.

"Get a hold of yourself, man! He's just a cartoon!...The one with an annoying laugh." SaberTooth said while staring at the cartoon. SpongeBob began to laugh and run around in circles. He stopped when he realized he wasn't in water...and not dying!

"How did he get here?" SaberTooth asked herself. I'll answer her...Hehe!

I took him out of his world and sent him here.

"And why would you do that?"

"Sttaaaaarrrrrs!"

Because of that.

"Couldn't you have sent the army or something?!" SaberTooth asked with fear as she looked back over her shoulder. Nemmie was getting closer and closer and closer! At least he doesn't have his rocket launcher out yet.

I could have sent the army, but this will do better. Enjoy!

"WHAT?!," SaberTooth yelled as Spongebob got over his astonishment of being alive on land. He smiled at her and said,"Hy! I'm Spongebob square pants! Who are you?" SaberTooth ignored him and tried to get the evil scientist off hiss butt so they could get out of there. He ignored her and said,"I'm afraid of Spongebob Square pants!"

"Stars! Sssssttttaaaaarrrrssss!" Nemmie said in a triumphant voice as he stood three feet away from the two humans. Now to-...Nemmie looked at the cartoon sponge. He couldn't explain it, but he had the sudden urge to beat the crap out of that yellow creature. Strange...Stars?

"Nanananahhahahahahahannananahaaaa! Nanananananahahahahahnanananaaa! I'm not Stars! I'm Spongebob Sqaure pants, the yellow cartoon said sweetly with his big blue eyes shining at the prospect of meeting new friends. What our naive friend didn't know was that nobody wanted to be his friend since he was technically just an animated character. Plus, Nemesis didn't exactly make friends easily.

"Grrrrrrrrrr."

"Wow. Hello...friend."

"Uhhh Spongebob," SaberTooth began.

"Sttaaars!" Translation (Shutty!)

"Yaaaay! I have another friend!"

"I wouldn't say that if I was you," SaberTooth tried again.

"Don't warn the freak! Kill him Nemesis!," Birkin yelled out a cheer. What was it with this dude?

"Stars!!" Translation (Shut up!)

"Now we can go jelly fishing, shoot the breeze, watch Mermaid man and Barnacle boy-"

"Spongebob!"

"STAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRSSS!!" Translation (That's it! Your deeeaaaaad!)

Nemesis ran forward and jumped over the two humans, his new target the little, yellow menace! He grabbed the overly happy sponge and roared into his face. Spongebob laughed and kept laughing, thinking this was all a game. How wrong he was. Nemesis did a surplex on the little dude and began punching him. But to Nemmie's horror, the punches didn't seem to effect him at all. That was of course because he was a sponge.

As Nemmie used Spongebob as a punching bag, the other two snuck away. When they finally passed the two, they continued to run down the hall, hoping to never see another Res monster again. Of course they were wrong!

**Back to the Trio...**

Jeremy sighed for the umpteenth time. Of course the others noticed this and tried to ignore it. But after sighing again very noisily, Amy finally snapped.

"What is it?!"

"I'm bored," Jeremy replied. Amy gave a sigh of her own and looked at Luis. This was pretty boring. "Luis, when are we going to get there?" Luis glanced in her direction and replied," In ten minutes." Amy then turned and looked at Jeremy, giving an smile that said don't sigh again. Jeremy crossed his arms over his chest and said,"What? I'm not the only one who wishes something would happen. In fact, I wish it would happen right...now!"

The deer's head popped up , looking groggily around. Amy stared with an open mouth, which caused Jeremy and Marco to look back. Jeremy gasped which caught Luis's attention. Luis looked back and gasped. Now everyone was looking at the deer while the deer was looking at them. Luis slammed on the brakes, causing the Hummer to spin around and around. It came to a nice stop in the middle of the road. Silence.

Then..."AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!," screamed Luis, Amy, and Jeremy. The deer's eyes widened and he let out a very deer scream of his own. Silence. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!," everyone screamed again. And the deer screamed too. This went on about five minutes before the trio got out of the vehicle. Meanwhile, the deer went crazy and began kicking and butting with his large antlers.

He broke the back window, the two side windows, he tore up the seats, and actually put a dent in the trunk before jumping out and running off. All in all, the poor Hummer got trashed. As they looked at the damage, Jeremy gave a cheeky grin and said," That was awesome! But hey, look at the bright side! Things can't get any worse." (Thunder and lightning. Soon, a heavy rain begins to pour on top of the three victims of this story.) Amy and Luis give dirty looks at poor Jeremy. Jeremy chuckles nervously.

"You were saying, amigo," Luis said as he got back in his poor Hummer. Jeremy smiled as he got back in the car and says,"I like cheese!"

**Back to Leon, Ashley, and Wolves Call...**

Leon opened his eyes and looked around. His vision was still a bit blurred, and the taste in his mouth tasted like Cotton balls, but at least he was still alive. As his vision began to clear, he noticed that he was in a airplane, tied to a comfortable chair. This plane seemed familiar...It's...Air Force One! How did he?

"Oh good, your awake! I was beginning to get bored. Ashley here is not that good of a conversationalist," Wolves Call said as she took a sip from her soda. Leon looked at her and recognized her as the gal with the gun. But what shocked him was that she looked like she was a teen! In fact, he was right. She was seventeen years old, and already creating havoc in this world. Muah! Hahahahahahahaaaaaa!

Leon agent's eyes studied her. She had long Ash, blond hair to her waist. (You guys already know that! Hehe!) She was 5'8 feet tall, and had an air of a...uhhhhh. Well, to be blunt, a werewolf. She had on that beautiful, long sleeved velvet black shirt I told ya'll about, and that black velvet pants. To complete the look, she had on black, knee high, boots with a high heel. This made her even taller. Now, why would a werewolf, err, I mean a teen kidnap him, Leon and Ashley?

Wolves Call smiled and decided to introduce herself. "I cannot tell you my name, but I will tell you this. Wolves Call will be the name you will call me. Or Empress. Or mistress...Heheheheheeeee!"

Leon stared at her and said nothing. Wolves Call decided to tone down the evil laughter and go on with it. "I kidnapped you and Ashley for a very special person. He doesn't know I'm bringing you or her. In fact, he doesn't know I'm coming over to see his little cute face... You shall pay for hurting the precious!" Wolves said dramatically, creeping Leon out quite a bit.

"This sucks!," Ashley said with a wail. Wolves picked up her M9 and shot Ashley, knocking her out with pleasure. Leon would never admit it out loud, but he was kind of glad she did that. "There, now for some peace and quiet," she said with a sigh of relief. Sometimes, being the kidnapper sucked. Especially when you ate to much chocolate. Stupid sugar high!

"So, you hungry?" Wolves said with a sweet smile. The mention of being hungry made Leon's stomach growl. He tried to hide it, but the flight attendant brought our a plate of delicious, juicy, tacos!...Uh oh! Of course the tacos were soft shelled and infected. They jumped off their plate, and began complaining on how being a fast food sucked. This freaked out Wolves Call and Leon.

"So, you going to eat me, are you! I'll kick your butts from here to Mexico!"

Wolves threw them at Leon and ran back to the plane. Leon hollered and wiggled around, hearing the four tacos's laughing evilly. "We have some plans for you, human!"

**A new character...Muah! Hahahahahahaaaaaa!**

Young Brittanee woke up to see that she wasn't safely with her friends. She was in a...Airport?! She looked around and saw people busily going through the line with their luggage and the sort, some happy, some cranky, and some bored stiff. She slowly stood up, her icy blue eyes scanning the area. She took one step forward, her foot stepping on a envelope. She bent down and picked the envelope up. She began reading the crazy note.

_Dear Brittanee,_

_You're probably wondering where you are, and why. Well, your somewhere near Raccoon City, in some town which I'm to lazy to mention. And in case you haven't noticed, your in a airport. Take the plane that is going to Spain.There's two tickets in the envelope for you._

_Your mission is this...To rescue Leon!...And Ashley... Oh! And to go follow Ada around, but that will come later! So, tada! Enjoy! Your guide will be waiting for you in Spain!_

_Signed,_

_A Resident Evil crazy fan!_

What the heck! Was this a joke? She looked in the envelope, finding the ticket to Spain with a passport. Okay, this was not a joke.

**THE ZOMBIE BOXING MATCH!!!!!**

"Guuuuuuuuhhhhneraaaa!" Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy said as he lurched forward, his hands reaching for the Captain Dum-dum. Of course Dum-dum dodged this since he was a evolved zombie. He uppercuts Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy, then bit into his shoulder. Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy's eyes got huge and watered from the lack of pain. Hehe! Don't worry, he can barely feel a thing.

Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy in turn bit into Captain Dum-dum shoulder. The crowd went wild! Well, as wild as a zombie crowd can get. As the two zombies were being broke apart from the biting hold, Scotty was studying the zombies.

"Hey Chris, did you notice how the zombies look like the they came from a game?"

Chris walked over and looked down.

"Yeah, I forgot to tell you. These are Res 1 and Res 2 zombies. The real zombies have yet to show up in this part of town," Chris said while giving a peace sign to the camera. Scotty looked at Chris with a skeptical look and asked,"And how do you know that?" Chris smiled and said,"Shei- I mean sheshe21 gave us this note before we came here. I thought you read the note." Scott gave his older brother a dirty look and walked over to the other end of the roof, grabbing himself a soda.

Chris shrugged and gave a wink at the video camera. "Let's get back to the fight!," Chris said with a smooth smile. The camera zoomed in at the fight, which was getting a bit intense. Captain Dum-dum was tearing into poor, Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy's stomach with some rabbit punches. Congealing blood splattered the arena. Looks like Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy was cornered.

George groaned and tried to encourage his fellow zombie brethren to get out of the corner, but Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy was to slow. Captain Dum-dum was in a blood frenzy now, enjoying the squishy sound that he heard every time he punched the other zombie in what was supposed to be where the kidneys were. There seemed to be no hope for Fuzzy Wuzzy!

Dum-dum stood back and raised a clawed hand. He ran forward and swiped the thighs, cutting Fuzzy Wuzzy's legs off. Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy fell down, blood pouring out of the bloody stumps. Johnny stepped inside the ring and began counting. Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy did not like this and tried to bite Johnny's leg. He yelped and jumped out of the way just in time.

Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy saw the triumphant look in Dum-dum's eyes, this put the fuel into Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy's fire! He grabbed a rope and began pulling himself along, heading in the over confident Dum'dum's corner. While pulling himself, he grabbed his leg and tried to smile. Now he had a weapon! He snuck up on Captain Dum-dum and raised his leg. With surprising force, he swung his leg and hit Dum-dum right in the butt. This knocked Captain dum-dum out of the ring.

Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy groaned and rolled until he fell out of the ring, falling on top of Dum-dum. He latched on with his arms and began biting into Dum'dum's neck. Dum-dum jumped up and roared. He tried to shake him off, but failed. He jumped back into the ring and tried falling on top of the zombie, nothing worked. Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy then began butting his head against the other one's head. This was afficient. Dum-dum went down, with Fuzzy Wuzzy on top. He finally let go and gave a punch for good measure.

He then crawled over to the ropes and supported himself up, this was considered a standing position for him now. Johnny began counting.

"1...(CHRIS: Looks like he's down for the count!)...2...3...4...5...(SCOTTY: I don't believe it!)...6...7...8...9...(SCOTTY: Man, this sucks! Only one round of fighting! CHRIS: Shut up! This was awesome!) ...10! MR.FUZZY WUZZY IS THE CHAMPION BY KNOCK OUT!"

We are the Champions begins to play as two zombie dogs jump in the ring and help Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy out of the ring, smiling. Captain Dum-dum wakes up and gets ticked off with Johnny for counting him out, so he begins chasing him and trying to kill him.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! For the love of Pete, help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!," Johnny screams as he run around in the ring, dodging the angry zombie. Chris laughs and looks at the camera. "Mr.Fuzzy Wuzzy is the winner for the first match of the day! Stay tuned for the next fight! Now, let's break for commercials!" Chris says with a smirk. Scotty walks up to him and says,"Commercials?!"

"Yeah, we're getting a lot of hits! Now we can advertise the DVD of these matches!," Chris says proudly. Scotty sighs and shrugs. Hey, money is money!

"I'm not kidding guys! Heeelp meeeee!," Johnny screams.

**On to me getting back at those crazy biscuits and McDonald's food!**

"Muah! Hahahahahahahaaaa! That human has not carried out her threat! Rejoice my brethren, for we are in complete control!!," the crazy biscuit leader shouted in front of a laaaaarge crowd of biscuits and cheese burgers. The McMuffins were busy tossing their top, McMuffin buns around. Why you ask? I have no idea.

"Moooooooooooooooooooo!," cheered those cheese burgers. Little do they know that I did not forget my threat! Buah! Hahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!

"And nooooow...We shall- (BOOOM!) Like I was saying, we shall- (BOOM!) What is that infuriating noise!," Mr.I'm going to take over the story said! Heheheheheeeee! The sound got closer and louder for those little crazy food!

I told you guys I would send in someone you know and hate!

"Wh-wh-what do you mean? We are not afraid of anyone or anything!"

Oh, but you will be, little biscuit. You should have been nice and listened to me, but nooooooo! You had to revolt against the true master of this reality! Prepare yourselves for your worst nightmares!

The food began to panic as the sounds got louder and louder! To the human ear, it wasn't noticeable, but to the small food groups, it was deafening! Every body, give your applause toooooooo...

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Translation (RONALD MCDONALD! NOOOOOOOO!)

"And the PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! RUN FOR YOUR SANITY FROM THE MORE EVIL ICONS!," screamed the leader as everyone began running around in circles, screaming like babies! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! I LOVE IT!

"Well, we heard that you McDonald's food and biscuits been very bad, so we're here to fix that situation!," the red haired clown said with a cheerful smile! He did that finger thing and made a McDonald's M magically appear. Even I don't know how he does that.

"Don't look! It's the M igsignia that draws you in like a fly to the electric blue light that kills!," the leader biscuit screamed as he or it turned away and began jumping over his brethren. Heh. Guess he isn't as loyal to the cause.

" Huhuhuhuuuu! Guess someone has been messing with the Pillsbury recipe. Now we got cute evil biscuits! I guess I have to change you hard, tasteless biscuits to a sweet, sour dogh bread! Hohohohoooooo! Poke me in the belly button!" the happy dough boy said with a smile. Ronald grinned and replied,"Sure thing, buddy!"

Suddenly, a creepy blue animated porcupine jumps out and says,"Buuuuuuuuudy!" Then he disappears, leaving a even more freaked out crowd of food. Ronald chuckles and bends over and pokes the Pillsbury dough boy in that belly button. He does his nasal,"Whooohohohohoohooooo!" thing and touches his belly with a smile. Okay, even I am a little freaked out by this. But, it's worth it to give a little pay back to those naughty foods! I just hope the Tacos and fried chicken doesn't get any ideas

**Authors Note: Yaaaay! I finally posted! Man, I wanted to get this up by Halloween, but I got so busy that I was to tired to finish it! But now, it's up so be happy! As for the other characters in the story, don't worry, your not forgotten...I have plans for you all! Muah! Hahahahahahahaaaaa! And Brittane, I'll have your description up in the next chapter, so hang in there! Heheheheeeee!**

**As for my thoughts on this chapter, heh, let's just say I got issues...Leave it at that...Heheheeee! Okay, you know what to do! Review! Orrrr, every villain in Res Evil history will be knocking on your door! **


	7. Chapter 7:Making Friends and Making En

**Authors Note: Soooooo, your back for another chapter. I guess your brave enough to venter into this chaotic tale...You're either crazy, or brave...Maybe both! But you better watch out, or you'll end up in my weird tale like all the others! Muah! Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa! **

**Chaos in the Resident Evil World**

**Chapter 7: Making Friends and Making Enemies**

Britanee looked around the crowd as she made her way out of the of the airplane. The flight was rather cool since she got to ride first class. It was nice to not be bugged by a screaming child or to have to be sandwiched between two sleepy people. But as pleasant as first class was, she still was too shocked and a little concerned over her so called mission. So far, everything has been legit, no people jumping out of the bushes saying that she has been punked or that she was on the candy or whatever camera show.

As she stepped through the terminal exit, she noticed that their was a tall, handsome man with a sign that had her name on it. She hesitantly walked over to the tall, well built man and said nothing. She studied him, and he studied her. He had on a pair of black leather pants, with a red button up shirt and a black, long leather jacket. His black Avatar glasses seemed to suit his cool manner. He even had black hair that was spiked up with jell. He looked a bit mysterious.

"You must be Brittanee," he simply stated. She pulled her cheetah shades down a little to show her blue suspicious eyes. She then replied,"Yeah. And who are you?" The man smirked and said,"Your guide."

**Back at the Umbrella basement with Becca! Yep, she's still alive! Let's rewind a bit and see where the heck she is...**

Becca stumbled through the door, and shivered. She couldn't tell where she was now, since the room was a bright white and covered in a cold fog. It wasn't really a fog, just the cold air being filtered in. It felt like a frozen meat locker to the shivering teen. She searched the brightly lit room, wandering if she made a mistake.

_Out of the frying pan and into the frozen meat locker. This sucks_!

She started walking forward, trying not to slip. The floor was very slippery from the thin sheet of ice. Wait a minute...Ice? What the?... Becca yelped as she slipped and fell on her butt hard. She moaned as she tried to get up from the cold floor. No, not floor, ice. Ice that was making her butt numb. She sighed as she began to slowly stand. So far so good. She almost let out a whoop for standing without falling again. Now, she just had to walk really carefully to find a way out of here.

"So, you've mmmmanaged to thurvive my thmaze! Thow, thurviv my snowy, thicy, wonderland! Thmuah! Hahahahahaaaaaa!" Wesker said in his ever so slowly, less sputtering talk. Still, it was hard to take the evil psycho seriously. Becca gave a laugh at Wesker's expense, hitting a nerve.

"Whatever! Now, if you will excuse me, I got a date with the outside world," Becca said confidently. To her surprise, Wesker did not respond to this. She wasn't so sure if she liked that.

FAST FOWARD TO THE PRESENT TIME...

Becca cursed silently as the cold air made her limbs feel heavy. She had hoped to find a way out of here by now, but it seemed that this ice ring had no doors or anything. It was like a frozen waste land. When she felt like taking another rest against the wall that she's been sticking to, she heard heavy footsteps. She flattened herself against the wall, not sure if this person was friend or foe... Or human or monster...

Her heart picked up the pace while her brain tried to figure out who or what this was. She remembered Code Veronica, where Claire faced off with Alexia's father in a cold situation like this... Could it be him?!

She began moving away, trying to be as quiet as possible. She bit her lip, hearing the footsteps changing direction and slowly coming after her. She picked up the pace, now doing a knock off version of skating. She felt the hairs on her neck prickle, like she was being watched by someone other than Wesker. She moved faster, hoping to lose whatever that was following.

To her relief, she did. The sound the heavy footsteps was gone, leaving her with a feeling of relief. She kept going, not wanting to find out whatever that was... Suddenly, a large yellow hand grabbed her back pack and yanked her back several feet. She screamed as the large hand let go, leaving her to sail through the air. Her back hit the ice pretty hard, knocking the air out of her lungs. As she struggled for air, the sound of the heavy footsteps got closer and closer.

A shape formed from the foggy mist. She felt her heart drop to her stomach as the shape took form to the Bander Snatcher, the monster form Code Veronica! "Oh crap!!," she said while struggling frantically to get up. "Where's Claire Redfield or Steve Burnside when you need them?!"

Wesker's evil laughter echoed through out the wasteland.

**Back to the Sunshine nursing home!**

"Are you OK, honey?" the older nurse asked Vamp-Haruka. V simply nodded and gave a weak smile. Being chased by a deranged old lady is traumatizing. Good thing she the nurses caught the woman and gave her a sedative. Things could have gotten ugly.

"Here, have some water while I go talk to my superviser."

V agreed and took the paper cup, although she really wasn't thirsty_. So much for being stealthy_, thought V. She closed her eyes and leaned back into the tiny couch. The sound of heels passing her grabbed her attention. She opened her eyes to see Ada Wong walking toward the reception desk. As she watched Ada, the sound of a buzzer began its annoying noise. The secretary sighed and buzzed for the nurses to go to A hall. But, to the secretary's and V's eyes, Earl the spy disguised as a elderly patient, was running down the A hall naked as the day he was born.

The secretary screamed and ran to help the nurses catch the spy. V turned her eyes over at Ada, and found that she had expected that. She quickly made her way around the corner, giving V the chance to follow her again. V stood up and put the water on the counter. Time to follow Ada Wong!

She ran over to the corner, her palms sweating from nervousness, excitement, and a tinge of fear. Following Ada around can be nerve wracking. She looked around the corner,her green, Grey eyes looking for any sign of Ada. The only thing she saw was a door slowly closing. V, as quietly as she could, walked over to the door. A plate marked it as the employee's lounge. DUN! DUN! DUUUUUUUUN! Dramatic, I know.

She looked down at the small door handle. Should she dare open the door? Should she follow Ada into the unknown?... Heck yes! She slowly opened the door, just to take a peek inside. To her disappointment, Ada was putting in a dollar for two snacks. She thought that she was in here for some cool reason. What a rip off.

She watched as Ada punched in four buttons, which was odd since it cost fifty cents per snack, and she only put in enough for two snacks and... Whoa! The classical song "Moonlight Sanata" began to play from the snack machine. Weird. V's eyes grew large as the snack machine moved slowly to the right, revealing a secret pathway

_So, this is where the secret pathway to the secret lab is... Huh, who would have thunk_?

Ada walked into the secret passage, but her slim form soon vanished as the snack machine quickly slid back in place.V opened the door all the way, stepping inside. She closed the door and stared at the snack machine like it was full of menace. She began to wander if she had lost her mind as she walked slowly toward the snack machine. For all she knew, she could be walking toward her doom! She shuddered at the thought and pushed those gloomy thoughts away. Now is not the time to chicken out. She faced one scary old lady so far, if she turned back now it would all be in vain.

She stuck her hand inside her pocket and took out a crumbled up dollar. She straightened the dollar and stuck it inside the machine. It excepted it like it knew that she was going to be its next victim. V looked up and stared at the ceiling, clearly hearing my voice. Kay, let's put the mute one so she can't hear me... That's better.

V shook her head as if to clear her mind, and proceed to try to remember the combination. She thought... And thought, and thought, thought some more. But still, it was lost to her. As she pondered, she heard someone beginning to open the door. She froze, like a deer caught in headlights. Her mind said to hide, but her body seemed to be glued to that spot.

She heard voices as the door cracked open. "I'm telling you, this place should be a metal institution! They bring all the crazies from the other nursing homes and bring them here," came the sound of a disgruntled male nurse. She heard the secretary from the front desk agree with him. Soon, to V's relief, the man closed the door, clearly engrossed with the current discussion. V relaxed and went straight to the task at hand.

She held her breath as she pressed what she thought she saw a minute ago. E01, V02, I03, L04. Moonlight Sanata began to play to V's excitement, the snack machine slowly moving. As the machine took its sweet time in moving, the door handle began to turn slowly. V felt her heart rate pick up. If they caught her now, who knew what would happen to her!

"Come on!," V whispered in desperation. She heard the door slowly creak open just a hair, the male nurse still busy complaining. She couldn't help but wander if all snack machines were created to torcher her personally!

"Hey, where's that music coming from?," asked the male nurse. V didn't like the sound of that. So, she did what any rational person would do, she pushed the machine to make it go faster, then slipped inside the dark passage. The snack machine closed quickly, leaving no trace that V was even there.

**Billy boy and his partner Misty are now trying to escape my little town... Muah! Hahahahahaaaaaa!**

"So tell me again why we are just standing here?" Billy heard Misty ask. He gave a sigh as he rubbed his forehead. He had to keep telling himself that as soon as he can find her parents, he'll be able to be alone in his precious solitude. No females to nag him, no young girls to threaten to put him in jail, no more yakking! Just him and a cold one with some decent pizza and-

"Yo Billy! I'm talking to you," Misty said with a irritated voice. Billy groaned and finally answered.

"Like I said five minutes ago, we are waiting here for the taxi I called five minutes ago!"

Misty rolled her eyes and said,"Yeah, I got that part. But in case you are blind and dumb, we are in a tiny town!... With the living food!" Billy gave her a tired look.

"They just started a small taxi service here, so I'm not crazy. As for the food... Ignore them," Billy said with the patience of Job. Misty narrowed her eyes and gave Billy a piercing stare. He ignored it and sat down on the green bench.

"How can I ignore them, Billy! I got a crowd in front of me trying to eat me!"

Billy looked down at her feet to see five soft shell tacos, two chicken legs, and five Big Macs jumping around her, chanting some nonsense.

"Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum! We, the Mu shoo shall eat you! Mu shoo eat! Mu shoo dance! Mu shoo sing!" the small food crowd yelled in their squeaky voices.

"Okay, I see what you mean. Just hang on for a few minutes more, " Billy said with a sympathy. Misty sat down and agreed. Although, she was still hungry. As she stared at the small tribe of food, she couldn't help but stare at the dancing food with devouring eyes. The food stopped and stared back. She began to breath harder, her stomach saying FEED ME!!

"She's going savage!" squeaked a drumstick. Next thing Misty knew, the food scattered, screaming in fear. She heard Billy chuckling, which did not help her mood. "What?," she asked a bit grumpily. Billy shook his head and gave her a stunning smile. Misty couldn't help but smile back at her game idol.

HONK! The two looked up to see the taxi in front of them. It was a sight for sore eyes. They hurried over and got in the back seat. "Where to, Mister?" asked the cabby. "Ha-------- Airport."

"All righty then," the old cabby said before punching the gas. They hear d screaming and the sound of something splattering as they tore down the busy road. The two turned there heads to see that the cabby had ran over the cannibal singing tribe... The Mu shoo. A tiny voice was heard in the distance,"Mu shoo ow!"

**Back to Brittanee...**

**Before I continue with Brittanee's story, I want to give a little info on her first...**

Brittanee is 5'0 tall, she has blond hair that is parted to the side and in a low pony tail with her bangs that is side bangs, very stylish. . Oh, and her pony tail is tied with cheetah print ribbon. Her eyes are a icy blue although when she is happy or thinks up of something, her eyes tend to be a bright blue. She has a awesome kick that she has labeled the "Brittanee's Kick of Doom!" Her clothing is as follows... A dark green, long sleeved baby doll style shirt. The sleeves have a puff to them. She has on a pair of black jeans, and boots like in her story. Her jewelry is a cheetah print circle necklace, cheetah print heart earing's, and last but not least her rectangle cheetah print sunglasses. Oh, yeah, she maybe styling, but watch out evil! She'll kick your butt if you try kidnapping her for your cults practices!

**O.k., info given! Now you have in mind what she looks like for this adventure, let's go check on her progress in Spain!**

Brittanee hummed as she tried to pass the time in the spacious limo. The coolness wore off when reality of her situation smacked her in the face. She was in a limo with a stranger who liked a mafia guy, on a mission to save a character who technically didn't exist_. Wow, maybe I am crazy... Or I could be in serious trouble... I GET TO MEET LEON AND ADA!!! I better tone down the excitement, Mr.Freaky is giving me a weird look..._.

The guide (who still had on his black sunglasses as Brittanee noticed) gave her a bored look. It made her uncomfortable, which made her hum even more. She put her cheetah glasses back on, figuring if he could go all Wesker on her, she could certainly give the same treatment... With style! The man seemed to notice her tiny form of defiance and gave a slow smile. She noticed for a creepy guy, he sure was handsome.

The guide broke the silence. "We'll be at the location in a moment. Now, before we arrive, I want to give you all the details."

He reached inside his leather jacket and brought out a map. He motioned for her to sit next to him, which she really didn't. He was a stranger who wouldn't give her a name. But she obeyed, telling herself that it was for Leon and Ashley. When she got situated, the man began showing her the layout of the building she would infiltrate. He told her that this map was like the Resident Evil games, but without the arrow of where she was. She nodded and payed close attention to his words.

When he finished, the limo stopped. Brittanee felt nerves begin to tightened, wandering if she was going to die. As the guide stepped out and offered her a hand, she very much at that moment wanted to slam the door in his face. But, despite her feelings, she took his hand and got out of the limo. She found herself in a wooded area, with that creepy fog from the Res Evil 4 game. She shivered and looked up at the tall man as he slammed walked over to the trunk.

She followed and watched as he opened the trunk, revealing heavy duty weaponry. It was a Resident Evil fan's dream. There was a Chicago Typewriter, a rocket launcher, a grenade launcher, a punisher, a Blacktail, a Red nine, a TMP, a Automatic Sniper rifle, Killer 7, the Broken Butterfly, Lugars, and grenades, flash grenades, and incendiary grenades. The guide gave a apologetic smile and said,"Sorry, this isn't for you. Well, at least the big weaponry."

Brittanee crossed her arms and said,"Then how am I going to rescue Leon?" The guide smirked, reminding her of Wesker. She did not like that smirk!

**Let's give Brittanee and the guide some time to get ready for her mission. Now, let's go check on SaberTooth and William Birkin!**

"I (gasp) think we can (gasp) stop now!", Sabertooth said as she stopped to catch her breath. William stopped, trying to catch his breath as well. He figured they were far away from the Nemesis danger... along with the yellow menace. He leaned against the cold white brick wall and studied the girl before him. She seemed rather young to be a scientist, well, that's not true if you count the young geniuses the corporation hires.

SaberTooth looked at the staring scientist, getting a bit perturbed that he was just... staring. "You want a picture?" William shook himself out of his complicated thoughts and gave a weak smile. "N-no, just thinking... Who are you and why were you in my lab?"

SaberTooth rose to her 5'9 height and put her hands on her hips, glaring at the scientist. On the outside she looked outraged, on the inside she was quaking. _Think!... Kay, nothings coming except for telling the truth... Well, here it goes._

"Truthfully, I have no idea how I got here exactly. Some weird disembodied voice is the reason, that I'm sure," she said without hesitation. William's eyes widened as he gulped. Now he knew that he wasn't crazy. "You heard it too? That's a relief. Listen, we-"

"Alert! Viral outbreak in the facility! Repeat, Alert! Viral outbreak in the facility. Self Destruction has been activated. This may not be aborted. All employees go to the train platform," the computer femal voice boomed through the speakers. Lights began to flash red to set the mood. SaberTooth gulped, knowing that in every Resident Evil game this had to happen... That really sucked when you are the one who's in it!

"Come on! We have to get out of here," William said while grabbing her hand. SaberTooth raised her light brown eyes and said,"Oh really! I thought we just stand here and blow up!"

William wagged his finger in front of her face and tsked her. "Now, young lady. Never bite the hand that knows a short cut." With that said, they raced over to a door that had Janitor written on it. He opened it and rushed her inside, closing the closet. SaberTooth couldn't see a thing, so she put out her hands and tried to feel around. In doing this, she tripped over a big lump, causing her to for the second time to fall to the ground. She let out a frustrated growl, wandering if the scientist had gone off his rocker again.

"Why are we in a Janitors closet?!"

William didn't answer, to busy searching for the light. Suddenly, click! The light came on, blinding Saber for just a second or two. After her eyes adjusted, she let out a yelp at the lump she tripped over. It was Alice! (Not Alice from Wonderland. The other one from the Resident Evil movies!) She was dressed in a janitor jumpsuit, not flattering at all to her womanly figure_. This can't be happening! What the heck is Alice doing in this world? And is this a clone or the real freak of Umbrella's creation_?

As if reading her mind, Birkin said with a bored tone,"Don't mind the janitor. She's a nut case that Umbrella hired for their clean up crew. I think it was the whole I'm a clone story and all the water is gone, and I need to find Wesker to punish his wicked ways. Really, you think she would come up with a better story." With that said, he stepped over the sleeping form of clone Alice and moved the mops and brooms. When he was done, he leaned over to the wall and began to hum the Godfather tune. Saber then felt like she had left her life in a madman's hands. But she was wrong, Birkin wasn't crazy, this was actually a real shortcut. She had to admit, he wasn't that bad of a guy.

The wall moved, revealing an elevator. Birkin grinned and stepped inside. Saber couldn't help but smile back as she got up, brushing off the dirt. "Come on. We have to get moving," Birkin said with authority. Saber rolled her eyes as she stepped inside the elevator, Birkin still thought he was in control. If he didn't watch it, he'll end up a crazy monster again.

As William punched in the secret code that will get them to the train station, clone Alice woke up. Dun! Dun! Duuuuuuuuun!

**Cliff hanger for you! Muah! Hahahahahahahaaaaa! Okay, last year we left off with Leon in quite a predicament. Being kidnapped along with Ashley, meeting a fan of Salazars, then last but not least, the tacos. What could happen next? Just read and find out...**

"Heeeeeeeeeeelp! For the love of all that is holy, help me Wolfy!"

Wolves Call growled at the mis pronounced name that Leon insisted on calling her. It was grating on her nerves. And what was it with the tacos anyway? If she didn't know any better, she'd say that someone up there was trying to bring as much torcher in her life for kidnapping Leon and Ashley. Actually, it's me who's just trying to spice up this airplane ride, not torcher. It's not the big guy up stairs, only me.

After another squeal from the agent, Wolves Call had enough. She unbuckled her seat belt and stormed over to Leon who now was being painted in tribal colors of the Taco Bell. The tacos were chanting and singing about eating the human. Enough was enough. She grabbed all the tacos and ran back to the bathroom. She then proceeded to throw them in the toilet and flush them away. After the last one was banished to the yucky realm, Wolves Call made her way to the tied up Leon. She leaned over and looked him straight in the eye and said,"It's Wolves Call. But since you insist in calling me Wolfy, I'll give you an easier name. Chrystal. Got it?"

Leon nodded and gave a weak smile.

Thirty minutes later...

Okay, this is what happened. The plane landed, they got off, got in a SUV, and drove to where the now living Salazar is living. Now, you'd think he would be at his old castle or some mansion, but alas no. Our little Spaniard is not living the high life anymore since the whole dying and being infected with an evil parasite. No, he has been humbled... to live in the woods with an old Umbrella scientist who brought him back to life.It's complicated how he came back so sorry, no explanations for you fans. Heheheheheheheee!

Okay, they just drove up to the secret hideout of Salazar. Dun! Dun! Duuuuuuuuuuuuuun! Chrystal was feeling excited on surprising Salazar while Leon was feeling dread on what was in the wooden cottage. Ashley was still out of it, due to to many times being knocked over the head by Chrystal, so she doesn't feel anything. The people helping Chrystal don't feel anything since they are just there for the money.

"Okay, now why are we here? You've had your fun, just tell me what's going on!," Leon demanded with his hero voice. If you all remember the previous chapters, he's not having a good day. This is what we call a Leon bad luck day filled with unimaginable horrors. Go figure.

"Now Leon, don't ruin the surprise! Guards, gag him. It's time to introduce myself to the poor little guy."

Chrystal walked over to the cottage and knocked. While the Umbrella scientist opened the door, Leon was fighting with the two guards. He kicked one in the family jewels while the other one he dropped kick. This winded the second guy which gave Leon enough time to get up and run. Of course he stopped when he realized that Ashley was still in the SUV. So, his hands sill handcuffed behind his back, he ran over and began kicking the door on the passenger back seat side. Ashley only mumbled something and ignored the frantic agent.

"Ashley, wake up! Open the door!,"

"No mommy. I don't want to go to school today," the semi unconscious girl mumbled. Leon growled with frustration, kicking the door harder. Then a pair of strong arms grabbed him from behind, the guy he had winded. The other guy was still crying from being kicked in the you know where.

"Ah he-- no!," Leon said as he bent his head forward, then slammed it back, breaking the big brutes nose. Thus started the pursuit of Leon S. Kennedy from someone else who hated him.

Chrystal, who had no idea of what was going on behind her a ways back, was busy arguing with the old scientist. "Listen here old man! If you don't let me in, I'll tell Salazar that you wouldn't let me in when I have his enemy and the President's daughter right here!"

The old, Grey haired, wrinkly pre historic looking man raised a bushy eyebrow and studied her. He then shrugged and stepped aside, figuring how a young gal like her would harm Ramon Salazar. Plus he was curious if her outrageous claim was true. She then stepped inside and allowed the old man to lead her to her goal.

They walked to the door on the right which led to a large room. IT was humbly furnished, looking more like a hunter lodge than a cottage. Animal heads hung on the walls, a bear carpet lay on the floor in front of some large cushiony chairs which was in front of the large fire place. A small table stood at the corner, a chess board on top. It was simple but cozy.

"Salazar, you've got company," the craggily voice spoke. Chrystal noticed a small, tanned resting on the arm of chair. It gripped the arm rest tightly, then slowly unclenched. A familiar voice spoke,"I'm in no mood Senior George. Send the guest away."

"Oh, I don't think so. She says that she has two gifts for you. Two special gifts," the old crone said with a smirk. Salazar sighed, then said in a tired voice,"Fine. I guess one more villager mocking me won't hurt." Chrystal quickly walked over and sat in the chair to his left. She gasped at the change of appearance of the young man. He no longer had Grey hair but brown instead. His skin had a healthy glow, his eyes now dark chocolate brown. Apparently when the scientist brought the power hungry man to life, he didn't bring the parasite back. You'd think he would be happy to look normal but alas, he was not.

"So my dear, are you here to mock me like all the others? OR do you want me to pay you for the destruction of your love ones? After all, we took Americans as well for the Parasite project."

"No, I really do have gifts my dear Salazar. Oh! For some reason, your even cuter than ever!"

Salazar blinked, then said," George, I think you let in a mad American!" Chrystal laughed and leaned back in her chair. "On no! I'm not crazy. Just doing my part in the Resident Evil world. You poor, poor man. I think I've got something you want." Salazar sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He then looked up and said in a cold voice. "You think you know what /i want? Cna you give me the parasite that will give back my power? Can you bring my Lord back from the dead after he was killed so horribly by that American agent?! No I think not. Please, don't come here and bring me false hope. Go before my sad story over comes you as well"

Chrystal sighed and rolled her eyes. Man, she forgot how dramatic he could be. Oh well, it makes him cuter. "I may not be able bring back your precious parasite or that creep Saddler, but I can bring the one responsible and the whiny blind with him." Ramon eyes got wide as he leaned forward, breathing heavily. "You don't mean-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! You'll never catch me suckas!" Leon screamed as he burst in with two very ticked off guards on top of him. They rolled around kicking and biting. Chrystal and Salazar stood up and watched the scene before them. Suddenly, Ashley stepped in the scene. Her brown eyes narrowed, her nostrils flaring. She then jumped on top of the dog fight and screamed,"Get off my Leon!" Leon screamed in horror and rolled away from the fight, trying to get away from the blond. Unfortunately, this caused her to be punched from the one who was kicked by Leon. Of course this knocked her out yet again.

"Ashley!," Leon cried out. He rolled over, but stopped when he spotted tiny booted feet right in front of his face. He slowly looked up, his eyes getting wide. A smiling healthy looking Salazar was grinning like the cat who got the mouse. He bent down and said,"Welcome back Mr.Kennedy. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehheheheheheeeeeeee!"

**Now on to Chris and Scotty and their crazy show!**

"Hey peeps! Welcome back to the show!" Chris said with a grin. Scotty sat next to him and gave a wink as he spoke,"Yeah. Where the show that gives blood, gore, and zombies beating the crap out of each other, "

"Now, we've had some pretty amazing fights. Fuzzy Wuzzy and Captain Dum Dum. The Three Killer Amigos and the Three Slow Moe's! And don't forget the Exes duking it out. One was a Res 1 remake zombie while the other was a Res 2 zombie. There love just couldn't survive the differences in their relationship," Chris said sadly. Scotty patted his back as Chris pretended to cry. Scotty looked at the camera and said," While my brother gets his emotions under control, let';s cut back to Johnny and see who is up next.?

Johny appears on the camera and gulps loudly. His left eye was ticking as he stood next to the new contenders, zombie dogs. One was the basic Res Evil 2 dog while the other was a cool remade Res 1 zombie dog. The drool and foam just made things worse for the poor teen who was about to have a nervous breakdown.

He lift the microphone to his mouth and said with a shaky voice,"The next match is between Fido and Sir Eats Alot. Fido. The Res 2 dog Fido is more than ready for killing the other dog. So far Res Evil 2 team has won two matches. The last one they lost when the Res Evil girl beat the crap out of her Ex. So now the Res Evil 2 team is going to keep the other side from winning. Only the next fight will tell. I guess. That's it! Can I go now?"

"Thanks Johnny for that update! And no, you can not leave yet. Ha Haaaa!" Scotty said without even blinking. Chris patted him on the shoulder, saying with pride,"I see you have learned the way of me." Scotty smiled and said," Nope, just being my own natural self... Although I still think you're crazy."

"Hey, it's in our genes."

"No doubt about that."

"Guys!"

"Shut up! Stay tuned to see a different kind of match. It's not boxing, it's more animistic so grab your hot dogs, chips, popcorn and anything else that is eatable along with your sodas, and watch the show after these messages...," Chris said with a grin. Scott nodded then looked at his brother. SO, what messages. We have commercials now?"

"Sssssssssshhhhhhhh!"

Chris then walked off screen and grabbed a poster, two hand sock puppets, and a homemade DVD cases of the future product of the zombie boxing matches. Scotty stared with shock silence. Did his brother actually think the masses at home were that stupid?... Hmmmm, sounds like a plan to him!

Chris put the poster in front of the Internet camera. It was decorated with flashy colors and bloody scenes of the zombies fighting. He then waved the DVD's in front of the camera then threw them aside. Suddenly, music came on, Rocky music from the movies. Chris began to talk in a deep voice," Hey you! Tired of down loading the zombie boxing matches on the Internet? Tired of your crappy computer freezing at important parts? Then have no fear! The DVD release will be out in ten days! Let's talk to some fans who have watched the show so far.

Chris then threw the poster to the side, and grabbed a green sock with pink buttons for eyes and white yarn for hair. Scotty grabbed the other sock, it being a white sock with black buttons for eyes and red yarn for hair. Then the two young men got down bellow the camera vision and held up their sock puppets and began reading the script Chris had written. The green sock is called Joe while the white sock is Moe.

Joe: Wow! You've just got to see this show! It's got everything!

Moe: Yeah! It's like, totally Narley! What, Narely? Chris this is so lame!

Joe: Shut up Shrimp! Er, um, yeah! It's a great way to spend time when our favorite shows are on hiatus.

Moe: Yup. Since the writers are on strike, we have hardly anything to watch that isn't repeats or reality shows... Well, actually I like that Gladiator show and-

Joe: Scott! Uuuuh, yeah those other shows are great but I needed something to satisfy my hunger. Low and behold, The Zombie Monster Bash met those standards and beyond.

Moe: Yeah, and want to know what could be better?

Joe: What?

Moe: DVD's...of The Zombie Monster Bash DVD. Wow...

Joe: Yeah baby! Now that's more like it. So be cool and order now peeps. Go to Chris & Scotty's wacky world of zombie Monster If you don't, you'll find the zombies knocking on your door!...Chris... Why is it Chris and Scotty and not Scotty and Chris?!

**Now, we left our Regenerater alone with Dr.Salvador and the creepy dogs in Washington alone. What on earth happened to them? I don't know, still on the hunt for them. But I have a feeling they'll show up. Till then, stay cool!**

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**Authors Note: Sorry this was really late. Between holidays, being sick with a weird virus, work, family crisis and all that crap. I'm just glad I got this chapter done! Now, I'm going to try something a little different. For a few chapters, I'm going to focus on one or two characters at a time. I'm just going to simplify just a bit to see how everyone likes that. I promise to get Jeremy and his sister Amy out of that Hummer and into some trouble, Becca will definitely see some trouble, Misty and Billy** **will be sucked into a battle, Vamp will soon meet Ada, Brittanee is going on her mission to rescue Leon and Ashley, Claire will find out that Leon is missing, and Saber and Birkin might escape to find out they are in for more trouble, Chrystal will be following Salazar's every move. Don't worry, that's Chaos in the Resident Evil world! **

**On another note, I'm working on my newer story, Resident Evil 2: Evil's Definition. I'll post the next two chapters's when I have time. Now review my reviewers!**


	8. Chapter 8:A Weird Chapter

**Authors Note: Dun! Dun! Duuuuuuuuuuuuun! Welcome back to this silly, crazy fic! Today (or night. depends when you are reading this) you are journeying on a weird trip. Things start to get hazy...hazy...hazier... and hazier! Muah! Hahahahahahaaaaa! Now you are in my Resident Evil zone! Not the twilight zone mind you. You fell into my trap just like all the others! Heheheheheheheheeeee!**

**Disclaimer: No I don't own Resident Evil or the characters... or you fans... Not yet anyways. But soon my precious! Soon! When I'm filthy rich I'll buy you all! Buah! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa! Uh, did I just say that out loud?**

**WARNING: SPELLING ERORS DUE TO CRAPPY COMPUTER. PLEASE DON'T FLAME FOR THE UP COMING SPELLING MADNESS. NOW READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!**

**--**

**Chaos in the Resident Evil World!**

**Chapter 8: A Weird Chapter**

Thirty minutes ago, Becca was in deep trouble. Shall we take a peek and find out what happened to her?

Becca began crawling for her life, not even attempting to get up on the slippery ice. But by crawling, she wasn't getting anywhere fast enough from the horror coming after her. The thump, thump sound of the Bandersnatcher behind her was getting closer, close enough to try and grab her again.

She cried out as the hand smack her back side (booty) causing her to slide forward a bit. That slap stung, bringing moisture to her eyes_. Great! I can see the headlines now! "Teenage Female body found dead. Cause of Death is Major butt Whipping!" Oh, will I get a break for once_!

She turned her head and saw the disgusting BanderSnatcher lifting that large grotesque hand, ready to smack her again. She froze, waiting for the slap. Then the freak attacked. It's large hand slammed down with a deafening crack. It's beady eyes looked confused as it slammed against the ice, actually breaking through the ice.

In it's idiotic brain, it couldn't comprehend how it's hand didn't land on it's quarry's head. It tried to lift it's strong hand out of the ice, but it was stuck. It tried again, nothing happened. The creature let out a howl as it failed to free itself from the hole it made. Becca sighed, surprised at her reflexes. One minute she was ready to give up, the next her survival skills kicked in and made her move just when the hand was rushing down.

Another angry howl made her start moving, not wanting to be close when the orangish, yellowish freak of nature broke away from it's icy shackle. So she tried to stand while running. She of course fell flat on her butt again. Then the memory of a discovery channel episode made her remember something. The big penguins in the arctic would get on their stomachs and kinda pushed with their feet and hop slide. If they could do it, so could she.

So, once again on her belly, she tried it. She straightened her arms beside her body. This made her stop. If she tried pushing like this with no support to her face or neck, she'll scratch her face up not counting not seeing where she was going. So, she instead folded her freezing arms in front of her, then sighed. This was going to be harder than she thought.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOR!"

Becca froze, hearing the BanderSnatcher roar in triumph as he started to pull his hand out, the ice cracking from the pressure. Becca then took off her backpack and layed on top of it, then proceeded as planned. She began pushing with her legs. It was hard at first, pushing while she lay on her stomach, plus her body temperature was dropping to low, causing her to be a little sluggish. But after moving some and her adrenaline kicking in again, it started to get easier...and faster.

She pushed and pushed then she felt like she was sliding. Her speed increased and soon she was going at it like a freakish penguin. Boy they would be proud of that human!

The loud sound of the roar of the BanderSnatcher breaking free caused her to increase her movements. Her breath puffed out like a steam engine while her body shivered from the freezing temperature. She kept telling herself to go faster although the foggy mist prevented her from seeing where she was going. She smiled when the roars sounded fainter, but they didn't fade away completely. That meant the creature was still on the hunt.

**Wesker looks at the monitor, his face set in stone while his emotions are anything but that.**

_I have to admit, she does show some promise as a interesting experiment with that last minute wit of hers. But I can't call off my pet yet. It seems to be having too much fun at hunting it's prey. Plus the lucky brat is heading toward a very dangerous situation. _

"Ha! Ha! Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa! Muah! Hahahahaha-"

The sound of "I'm to sexy for my shirt" tune on his cell began to play, interrupting Wesker from his evil laughter fit. He snarled as he saw who was calling. "Amix! What have you been doing? You have wasted mytime on finding this girl. Eating all that chocolate after I ordered you not to, then-"

"CHOCALATE! CHOOOOOCAAAAALATE!"

"...?..."

"Sorry sir. Had to get that part out. Now I'm feeling sick...Ugh."

"Deserves you right. I'm very disappointed in you my dear," Wesker said in a chastising tone. He heard the cat woman sigh guiltily, which was exactly what he wanted her to feel. "If you want to make it up to me, bring the girl back to me...alive." Wesker hung up dramatically, almost smiling at how he was going to interrogate the teen... and make her pay! Then his phone began to ring that tone again, grating his nerves. Can't a evil master such as himself get any privacy?

"What?!" Wesker growled into the phone. Most would take the hint and hang up from hearing the menace. But not Amix, she was a different story. "What if she's dead by the time I find her?"

Wesker sighed and leaned his head down, wanting to just knock himself out. "Then bring her body back." Amix's next question threw him for a loop. "If she's not breathing, is it okay with you if I give her CPR and bring her back to life?" Wesker slowly looked at the screens that showed Becca pushing and sliding along the ice, attempting to flee from his predator. "If... you feel like it... Why do you ask such a question?"

"Because, she was nice and gave me CHOCALATE!"

**Back to Becca...**

"Must (pant) escape (pant) orange guy! Stupid (pants) Wesker!" Becca's body was burning and numb at the same time. Doing the penguin slide was really hard work on the human body. Plus the whole freezing ice part was a major hindrance. She couldn't help but wander if this was the end. If it was, well, nobody would know about Wesker's embarrassing boxers. So giving up is out of the question. She needed to make it out alive for all the 'pick on Wesker' fans out there.

Then the world tipped upside down for the teen. One minute she was doing her penguin thing, the next she was sliding down a steep icy slope. As she sped down the slope, she couldn't help but wander about one thing... How long has she been in this fan fic?

The next thing Becca knew was the ground evened out which made her out of controle decent now just partially... out of controle. But hey, that's a lot better than going down a slope and for the love of Pete stop me from babbling!

By now, Becca felt totally numb from the cold ice. Sure she had her backpack to slide on but it apparently wasn't enough. So, she decided to start walking-once she stopped her crazy sliding marathon of course.

She used her feet to stop the sliding which didn't take much. Once she came to a complete stop, Becca gave a sigh of relief. It was thankfully over. Now the only thing to do was to find her way out of here and regroup with her plan for Wesker's favorite boxer shorts. Don't worry, she's not creepy, just good at pranks. Muah! Hahahahahahahaaaaa!

The mist seemed to clear, giving Becca a clear look at her surroundings. And what she saw turned her blood to ice. She unfortunately had slid in the midst of a bunch of sleeping Eliminaters. (Those B.O.W. monkey experiments in Resident Evil Zero.)

_Okay, things could be worse. They could be awake and coming after me. Yes, a silver lining. That does not make me feel any better! _

Becca didn't move, she didn't even dare to breath. The sound of heavy breathing and very loud snores was all that she heard. Some how, she had to get pass those stupid monkeys!

(Psst! Becca!)

Becca looks up, slightly frightened yet intrigued by my suave southern girl accent. Okay, not with my accent, but with my voice that comes from the roof and what did I say about me babbling people!

"What?"

(Remember that backpack you have? Well, you have some interesting things in there. Check it out and think Miguiver. Okay, bye-bye now!)

"Hey! Wait!... Okay, guess I should listen to the disembodied voice. Let's see... (rummages and rummages) I got Wesker's boxer shorts, some rope, bug spray and-"

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

"There is nothing here that could possibly help me-"

One of the disgusting Eliminators stirred, silencing the young woman. She sighed as she packed everything back up, except for the bug spray, duck tape, and lighter. With those items she could at least make a weapon. Hopefully she wouldn't have to use it. Smelling burnt monkey was not on her list of 'to do before I die'.

As she made her weapon she began to try an cheer herself up. Thinking about Wesker's boxers did the trick. They were not the type you expect an evil master mind would have. She smiled as she pictured the look on Wesker's face when she posts the pictures on the Internet.

A hot humid breath brushed over the back of her neck. She frowned, and touched her bare neck. Maybe she should take down her ponytail and-

(MORE humid breath, followed by a rotting stench)

Becca stilled, not wanting to turn around. But curiosity and well... basically curiosity made her turn around. And what she saw was uuuuugly! It was an Eliminator, it's baboon rotting monkey face was right there, in her face. It's red eyes burned curiously as she opened her mouth, then closed it.

It stared at her intently as she slowly raised the can, ready to spray. The creature bore it's teeth, then screamed loudly in her face. She grimaced as she coughed from the horrific bad monkey breath . As she gagged for breath, she found herself surrounded by monkeys.

"Uhhh. You want a tic tac?"

(SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH!)

"I'll take that as a no."

She raised the can and sprayed, lighting the bad breath monkey on fire. It screamed and rolled around while the others stood around. This is what they chattered to each other.

MONKEY #1: Wow. Didn't see that coming.

MONKEY #2: Yeah, not bad for a human. To bad bad breath George got the little surprise. Maybe it'll teach him a lesson for stealing those balloons.

MONKEY #!: For the last time, he's not the Curious George! He's just a myth!

Monkey #2: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!

MONKEY #!: No! You have to hear it Sam! George is-

MONKEY #2: Not listening! Not listening!

MONKEY #1: Sam, you- AAAH! SAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

MONKEY #2: (picking up monkey #1) I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago. DIE YOU WORM! (Throws monkey at Becca who in turn ignites monkey #1 on fire. Poor monkey number one.)

**Meanwhile, back with Salazar who has Leon back in his grasps...**

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. But somebody just used my favorite saying... And I think it was a strange, freakish monkey."

"Monkey?"

Salazar nods. "Monkey... And you know what I have to say to that monkey?"

Crystal looks at Leon who shrugs. "What?"

"DIE YOU WORM!!"

**Okay, back to Becca...**

MONKEY #2: What the?

Becca, who doesn't understand a word of monkey (only the author does) is spraying, kicking and screaming. She trips over one of the monkeys and loses her weapon unfortunately. This leaves her in quite a pickle. You think this is weird my readers? You haven't seen weird yet!

Becca reaches inside her pack and grabs the first thing, one of Wesker's boxers. This one is white and covered in baby duckies. You can't help but make cooing sounds at the cute little pictures. Even the inscription on the waist band is sweet. It reads 'Love Mommy Dearest'.

She held the boxers in front of her, knowing that this was her last day on earth. But everything went quiet. She slowly lowered the material down and stared at the creatures in front of her. They had a glazed look on there faces. It was actually pretty freaky. She began to back away, but the monkeys wouldn't let her. They ran forward, clinging to her legs.

One leaned in and rubbed itself against the material. "You've got to be kidding me?!"

BACK TO WESKER...

"Yes, I want french vanilla capicheeno, low fat please. And could you put chocolate sprinkles with a cherry on top? Yes, that would be all. Be here less than five minutes or I'll have your family killed. Have a nice day... What's left of it. Ha! Ha! Haaaa!"

Wesker hung up the business phone and turned his attention back to the monitors. He took off his shades and rubbed his eyes. He couldn't believe it. It just couldn't be! How on earth- Oh. He saw it. Becca had his under garment in her hand which in turn saved her life.

FLASH BACK!!

"Sir, are you sure? I mean, this could-"

"Just do it. I want to have complete control over this experiment and in order to do so, they have to know my smell from birth until we infect them."

Wesker gives the scientist a pair of his boxers, who in turn dropped it in the large tank filled with baby baboons. Umbrella just didn't pay enough for days like these.

"Soon, they'll know me as master! Their leader in their pack! Muah! Hahahahahahahaaaa!"

END OF FLASH BACK...

Wesker groaned as rubbed his throbbing temple. That experiment worked, but only to a certain degree. Instead of master, they saw him as mama. It was horrible! Every where he went, they would some how follow him and... cuddle. Even when he infected them with the virus, (which killed them and brought them back to life) they still saw him as their maternal parent! Hence why they now lived in a frozen waste land.

"This day can't possibly get any worse... What? No, impossible!"

Wesker's jaw dropped humorously as he watched the screen. It was something that was so strange that maybe he wandered if this was all a bad dream?

**Back to Amix...**

Amix cocked her head at the strange sight. Her tail twitched as she watched Becca do the impossible. How did she do it? And could she do it? It actually looked fun yet so unsanitary.

Okay, this is what got Wesker's boxers in a bunch and Amix admiring our Becca. You see, Becca figured that it must be Wesker's scent that made the things act so strange. So, she took out her rope and made a monkey bob sled team or whatever. She sat down on her pack and put on some gloves. She then held a long light fishing pole with Wesker's boxers hanging on the line. Then, with a flick of her wrist, she got the monkeys running, pulling her safely behind.

Amix laughed. "Now that is something you don't see every day."

She holstered her sniper rifle and took out her phone, making a call to Wesker.

"Listen boss. This is getting ridiculous. Why don't we try something different? Yeah? Oooo, I like that. Okay, I'm leaving the underground compound now. I'll most certainly will be ready. Will there be food? What? Sheesh, I can't help it if I get off topic! No I'm not yelling I'm just hungry for protein. I'm having a sugar crash from all that chocolate. Sure."

Amix hung up and gave a frustrated sigh. "Sometimes, I feel like shooting him in the a-s again."

**Now on to Luis, Amy and Jeremy!!**

"We're here, kids!"

"Oh thank God!... Heh. Not that this road trip hasn't had it's perks but I really need to get out and stretch my legs," Amy said with a bright smile.

This seemed to passify the Spaniard as he concentrated on driving. He had to admit that he could use a nice long walk and a bathroom. It felt like he's been driving for over six months... (Okay, the characters have been in this fic for a while, hence with the feeling of driving on and on... That's the thing about my fic, once your in, you stay and you stay without aging... Weird.)

Jeremy yawned as he stroked the family pet. The dog yawned and stretched, just waking up from a long nap. "I'm hungry," Jeremy said as his stomach growled.

"Don't worry, I'll stop off some where, soon. What would you like to eat?"

Wrong question. It took about five minutes to agree on a place, but Luis had the final say in the end. Taco Bell. He figured that hamburgers were not a safe route due to what happened earlier so Taco's it is. But you and I know that fast food restaurants were definitely a no-no now.

As they pulled up in the parking lot, they saw people running out of the resturant. One man jumped on the hood of the Hummer, his face planted against the wind shield. His eyes were wide with terror as he screamed,"Run for you lives! They've come to life to punish us!"

Just then, a burrito supreme jumped on the man's head, spreading beef, beans, and sour cream everywhere. The man screamed as he rolled off the hummer. More tacos followed suit, chasing the stranger away.

"That's it! I am never eating at a American resturant again," Luis angrily said as he started the ignition. But he never got to put it in reverse. Some mysterious black vans parked right behind his vehicle, angering the ex-scientist.

As Luis rolled down his window, Jeremy got out of the vehicle. Amy saw this and tried to stop him, but Jeremy had already shut the door and was now climbing on top of the hood of the Hummer. Luis cursed as he and Amy got out to.

"It's too dangerous for us here. We-"

"Excuse me sir," a man in a white anti viral suit said. His face was hidden behind the black gas mask, making his voice sound deeper than it really was.

More men followed suit, holding flame throwers and some type of chemical gun. The three watched as the men flooded the restaurant, sometimes using the weird chemical guns, other times using the flamethrower. Of course this would light up parts of the restaurant on fire, but there was always someone putting it out before any major damage was done.

After twenty minutes of fighting the evil taco dead things, the men left the restaurant, looking not so white. They were covered with tomato, beans, beef, cheese, basically all the ingriediants you see used for a taco restaurant.

"It's done," said a smooth voice right beside Amy. She jumped, startled at the man beside her. He was wearing a black suit with black sun glasses, black shoes, black hair and do you get the point? Basically, he looked like a man in black. Yeah, like the movie. Only, he wasn't.

The man looked down giving Amy a chilling smile. "Who are you people?" Amy turned and gave Jeremy a hard stare. He shrugged. Hey, somebody had to ask the question, why not Jeremy?

The man answered Jeremy with a pleased expression,"We're an agency that wipes out any viral outbreaks."

Luis snorted. "Really, well, nice job back at Raccoon City."

The man bristled slightly, but didn't respond. He merely gave a nod to the two younger ones, then left. They watched as he left with the rest of the mysterious strangers.

"Wow... So the men in black are on the case," Jeremy said with excitement. His sister rolled her eyes and said in a matter of fact tone,"No, they are not the men in black because they do not exist."

"It was a figure of speech," Jeremy retorted.

"All right children. Back in the-"

"NO!!," both siblings yelled. Luis sighed and began rubbing his temple. Amy felt bad for the strain Luis was feeling. She felt it too... Well, to tell the truth she was excited to be in this world. But the thought of never being able to find a way home bore down on her.

"How about we find a place to stay for the night. It's starting to get dark and I'm tired of driving."

"Wait, what about about Marco?," Jeremy asked. Marco barked as if to ask too.

"What about him?"

"This is America Luis. Hotels usually don't allow pets," Amy pointed out.

Luis sighed and tried to explain how tired he was and how the dog should stay out in the car for the night. Jeremy and Amy pointed out the fact that a car heats up faster and hotter than a oven. The news said so. In the end, the siblings won the argument.

"Fine!! But you have to find a way to sneak him in and keep him quiet. If we're caught, I'll pretend to not know you."

"Luis, you're the coolest," Jeremy shouted as he gave Luis a high five. Luis seemed happy with the compliment and agreed that he was the coolest.

"Suck-up," Amy teased. Jeremy stuck out his tongue which Amy returned immediately.

As they drove around to find a cheap but good hotel, Luis turned the radio back on. It was just in time for the news.

_Welcome back to RC radio. You've just tuned in to hear the news... Freaks. So sit back and try not to kill yourself driving while the RC newsman gives the report. I swear I'm not paid enough to stick around this dump. I mean, whoever heard of a radio station staying on while zombies are running around and chowing down on brains? This is-_

_Thank you, Katy. Heh, he he. That Katy, always joking and... Ok. This is Bob, anchor man of RC news. If you can hear me honey, please grab our jewels our of the secret safe and take the kids down to our secret basement bomb shelter that nobody is supposed to know about. If anybody tries to follow you, blow their freaking head off._

_Today, President Graham has issued the army and army reserves to help with the current zombie crisis. They have issued a order for all Raccoon City citizens to stay in doors. Do not attempt to leave or you will eaten by zombies or become horribly messy by the fast food zombies. _

_Wait... Just in, the White house has sent in a very famous former Raccoon City survivor to help with the extermination of the virus. Claire Buttfield. _(Man in background hollers, "It's Redfield ya idiot.)

_Excuse me, Redfield. Watch it buddy, or you'll end up as zombie food. On to Jack Daniels who is on the scene. Jack?_

JACK: _Hello Bob. Yes, I'm here in the safe camp of the army. I've been waiting here with the TV news reporters to get an interview with either the General or with Claire Redfield. So far, none has- oh wait. Here they come. (pants) Hold up! I've got some questions for-_

GENERAL_: Everybody has questions son. But this is neither the place or the time to ask them._

JACK_: Oh come on!! Give me a freaking bone! I've been at this crappy radio news station longer than I like. Just let me interview you and tell these other reporters to take a hike._

(Muttering between Claire and General. Then the General clears his throat and makes an announcement.)

GENERAL_: Miss Redfield will take one interview from this radio bozo. Now get back to your vans and get!_

JACK: _Yes! I'm da man!! Err. (clears throat) Ms. Redfield, how did you get involved this time around?_

CLAIRE: _Well, I'm doing this as a favor. Plus, I don't mind kicking a little aombie (Beep). Oops. I can't use that word on the air, can I?_

JACK: _Nope. You can't say (BEEP!), (Beep!), or (Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!). It's full of-_

CLAIRE_: I get the picture. Your next question please._

JACK_: How does it feel to be back where all your miseries started? And are you single?_

CLAIRE: _Well, I have to admit it brings- wait. What?_

JACK: _You're hot!_

CLAIRE: _I don't see what my looks-_

JACK: _Girl, your feet must be hurting._

CLAIRE: _My... feet?_

JACK: _Cause you've been walking through my thoughts all day long!_

CLAIRE: _We just met!! Look, if you're not going to ask any real questions then you better step aside. You're wasting my time and the Generals._

JACK: _Oooo, I like it when you talk dirty. How about a kiss, doll face. Ooof! What the? OW! Oh God! Please don't! I can't help myself! NOOOOOOOOOO! (_Hears Claire grunting and cursing as she beats the crap out of the news man. Then footsteps are heard stomping away.)

JACK: ...

_Oooooooo. That sounded as if that hurt... a lot. Serves ya right Jack. This is Bob the newsman. Signing off... The RC news... Katy, you're supposed to say your line._

_(The sugary sweet voice of Katy is finally heard)_

_This is RC radio station sharing the news. Sponsored by 'The Idiots' company. _

"Aie yie yie! Look at all this traffic! At this rate, we'll never find a hotel!"

"Never say never, Luis," Jeremy chimed in. Marco barked in agreement.

If you're wandering if I'm going to make these poor people drive forever, then your wrong. I've decided to give them a break out of the car... And in to some trouble! Muah! Hahahahahahahaaaa! Well, truth is... I have no control over what happens to them. Looks like this fic is getting out of control! YIPEEEEEE! JUST LIKE I PLANNED! He he he he he he he heeee!

At long last, the three found a hotel. It was a bed 'N' breackfast. Luis mentioned that these were really good and served home meals.

Luis parked in the crowded parking lot. He turned around and pointed a finger at Amy and Jeremy.

"OK you two. I've found the hotel. Now you do your part and come up with a plan to sneak little Marco inside. You got five minutes."

"No need for the five minutes Luis. Me and Jeremy came up with a plan while the news were on."

Luis looked surprised but grateful. He wanted to hurry up and get a reservation before all the rooms were taken.

"Do you got a blanket," asked Jeremy with a mischievous grin.

A COUPLE OF MINUTES LATER...

Luis and the siblings entered the large house. (I should say mansion. Cause it was. Don't give me those looks!) Luis looked nervous and kept shifting his eyes suspiciously. Jeremy had a big grin on his face while Amy held what looked like a baby wrapped in a blanket. (It's Marco if you haven't already guessed.)

The mansion they were in was absolutely lovely. But all the red was a little to much. It looked more like a Valentine cake with all the red wallpaper, red curtains, and red chairs and red carpet. Even the man at the service desk was wearing a red suit and tie. The only thing that wasn't red was his gold name tag and black greased back hair.

"How may I serve you," the man said in a snobbish English accent.

"Do you have any rooms left?"

The man huffed as he retorted. "Sir, this is a five star bed (N) breakfast. We never have any rooms left," the man scoffed.

Luis closed his eyes, feeling like the world was totally against him. Jerome didn't like the way the English dude was looking down on them. He suddenly wished Nemmy would come by and beat the crap out of him.

"Fortuanly for you, we recieved a cancelation from one of our esteemed clients. The price for this perticualar room is a thousand dollars for the week. We do except cash and credit cards. No checks," the snooty man said reluctantly.

Luis's face began to turn red with rage. Jeremy grinned, hoping for a fight between one of his favorite game characters and this jerk. He knew that Luis would win with the first punch.

"You mean to tell me that you would charge with this out landish price during a crisis?!"

"Sir, that price is on special. Your tiny little mind could not grasp the amount we charge daily. Besides, the client reserved that room for a week. You can't stay here unless you fill in with what he ordered."

"This is-"

"We'll take it," Jerome quickly said as he restrained Luis from killing the oblivious man.

Luis suddenly felt tired and beaten, so he grudgingly gave the man his credit card. He mumbled Spanish curses under his breath while the man ran his card through. The man then returned the card and turned around to grab the key.

Luis quickly flicked the man off before he turned around. Jeromy gave in to laughter while Amy gave a look at Luis. Luis merely smiled politely.

"Here's your key, sir. You will be stationed at room 208, second floor. The room is the deluxe suite and has a very large king size bed in one room while the joining room has two full size twin beds, jacuzzi, television and a large amount of space. I'll call the bell boy to take any luggage up. Ah-ah-ah-aaaaahhhhhh Chooooooo!"

All three jumped back. Marco squirmed a bit and tried to wiggle out of his uncomfortable position. Amy looked at her brother, giving him the 'time to go' look.

"Excuse me, I didn't expect that," the desk clerk apologised while he took out a hankie.

"Summer cold," Luis asked with mock interest. He was trying to back away to get the squirming dog out of sight.

"No, allergies. Funny, since I'm only allergic to dogs. There must be a dog around here some where. If I catch it, the owner along with the mongrel will pay dearly."

"Wow, really interesting. Well, let's go now Luis. The baby is starting to wake up and getting hungry," Amy said with a worried glance.

"Yes. Yes, of course. My cousins are right. We must go before the baby starts to cry... Bye," Luis said as he tried to rush the two siblings along with him. But unfortunately, Marco began to whine and make some grunting sounds that some dogs make when they are fussing.

"Did your baby just make that sound?!"

Luis hurriedly commented over his shoulder as he rushed the two upstairs. "No! I mean yes!He was just waking up. Goodnight Senior English man."

The English man (who's name is Clarence) began sneezing uncontrollably. All the way up the stairs, the group could here his loud foghorn sneezes. This really got them moving fast.

When they reached their room, all breathed a sigh of relief. Marco quickly jumped from Amy's grasp and leaped on to a large red lazy boy chair. His facial expression held a look of distain, as if being passed off as a baby hurt his doggy pride.

"That was close. Too close," Luis grumbled as he went straight for the mini fridge. He didn't care how much the mini alchohal cost, he needed something for his frayed nerves.

But instead the Spaniard chose a bottle of water. He didn't want to be a bad example for the younger ones. Maybe later he will sneak downstairs and see if they had a bar or something.

"I'm hungry," Jeremy said while rubbing his now growling tummy. Amy picked up a menu by the living-room couch and began reading off the food. Jeremy made faces at the first five items, all some weird vegetable dishes that sounded foreign. The sixth one sounded delicious.

"I want number six! The speghetti and meatballs with mazzerella cheese. Heavy on the cheese."

"Wait, you didn't hear the rest of the menu Jeremy," Amy pointed out.

"He doesn't need to hear the rest because there will not be any room service," Luis said while taking the menu away from Amy. The two protested but Luis wouldn't hear it.

"The prices for the food alone is outrageous! And the room service alone will max out my credit card at the end of the week. We'll just have to settle for take out."

Amy and Jeremy shared a look. They were tired, hungry and stuck in a world where Umbrella exists. Being cheap was not improving their moods.

"I thought take out food is not an option, Luis," Amy said with acid coating her words.

"No, I said fast food was not an option. Take out is... just hand me the phone, por favor," Luis asked with his famous smirk.

Amy grabbed the cordless phone and walked over to the older man and handed it over with a sweet smile. When Luis turned around, Amy muttered, "Cheap-skate."

"What was that?"

"I said that Jeremy and I are going down to see if there is cake!"

Ignoring Luis's puzzled look, Amy grabbed her brother's hand and quickly left the room. The dog gave a sigh, catching Luis's attention. He walked over to the lazy-boy chair and stared down at the dog.

"Guess it's you and me... Uhh... Parker? Ouch! Hey!"

Luis looked down at his hand. The dog only nipped him, his teeth didn't break the skin. Marco looked smug as he got up and went in circles three times before laying back down. Luis felt suspicious that the dog bit him because he didn't get his name right**.**

**Meanwhile, Amy and Jeremy has made it down stairs without being seen by . They've roamed the large dining room which was pretty much deserted. All the food on the buffet was gone...**

"Amy, I'm hungry!"

"I know. So am I. I was hoping to get something to eat here but apparently they eat supper early. Hey, maybe we can go in the kitchen and use the old, cute, puppy dog-eye look to get the kitchen cook to give us a snack while we wait for the grub to get here."

Jeremy shrugged. It was worth a shot. As long as he gets a little something in his empty stomach, people won't get hurt. Which brought his thoughts to Marco. What will they feed him?

He was about to ask Amy when suddenly she stopped. Jeremy gave his sister a puzzled look before realising what had made her freeze. In the kitchen was the last person they expected to see. Lord Saddler!! Dun! Dun! Duuuuun!!

He was wearing a long white robe with his cult's ingsignia on the back of it. His long grey hair was braided down his back. And oddly, he was wearing a cheffs cap, making him look some what comical. As if sensing their presence, the evil man turned his head.

Amy jumped back behind the wall and grabbed the stunned Jeremy. Luckily, they were quick enough so that they were not seen. Otherwise, they would have been prisoner to a mad man.

But that didn't stop them from trembling with panic. How did Saddler get back and how were they going to get out without looking suspicious? And most of all, how will they get Luis out without being seen?!

Though feeling trapped and being very aware of their dire parell, Jeremy just had to see what the old man was up to. Amy shook her head at him and mouthed 'Let's go.' But Jeremy refused to back down. When a bad guy is near, he usually is up to no good.

He slowly peeked his head out and watched with amazement. Saddler was standing in front of a large table, frosting a large cake with pink frosting. And that was it. That and he was humming a happy tune. Hey, if you were in my story and saw what our friend Jeremy saw, then you would be a little amazed yourself! He's a evil freak for Pete's sake!!

Jeremy felt his sister put her hands on his shoulder and gently whisper a question in his ear. "What's he doing?"

Jeremy leaned back against the wall, his face showing nothing but confusion. Amy waited patiently, wandering if what her brother saw scarred him for life. Finally, after thirty seconds, Jeremy revealed what he saw.

"He... He... He was... frosting a cake."

"Frosting?"

Jeremy nodded. "Frosting. With pink frosting! And he's humming!"

Amy pushed her brother out of the way. "Let me see!"

And to her surprise, Saddler was doing exactly what her little brother said he was doing. It was so normal, yet so creepy to see this evil man doing something so normal. Her friends were not going to believe her!

Soon, Saddler began to talk in a sing song voice as he talked to himself.

"Sugar and Spice makes everything nice in the land of my foe! Oh how I long to spread my happiness with all these Americans. Oh right, I can," Saddler said with a hint of menace.

Amy gasped as she watched Saddler bring out a cup, filled with some odd jelly beans. The beans of course were the Parasite eggs from Resident Evil 4!! Oh the humanity!!

"Let's put you here. And here. And what about here! Muah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!"

Amy quickly turned around, ready to leave. But yet another surprise was waiting for her. There stood the hotel front desk clerk, Clarence! Another Dun! Dun! Duuuun!!

"Excuse me young lady and young sir. Why are you two skulking around?"

"Um... We... were hungry!! That's it! We just came down here to see if the cook would give us a snack. Sorry for breaking any of your rules," Amy quickly said with a nervous smile.

The English man crossed his arms and studied the two with suspicion. It seemed that the clerk wasn't going to believe them for a minute. But then he did a 180 and gave them the biggest smile.

"Why, if you were hungry then you should have called room service! We're open till nine o'clock at night. Come, it's only seven thirty and our kitchen is open for your requests!"

Before they knew it, they were ushered into the kitchen where one of the craziest villains on earth stood frosting a cake. It had to be the scariest part of their adventure yet!

"Oh chef Saddler, we have two guests here who are a little peckish. Would you mind making something for them?"

Saddler stopped decorating the cake with his little eggs of doom and gave the two a pleasant smile. Amy and Jeremy didn't return the gesture.

"Of course! It is my pleasure to serve these two American children. They could try out some of my new recipes," Saddler said in a cool smooth voice as he pinched their cheeks. Jeremy and Amy grimaced. Having your cheeks pinched is one thing, but having a pasty evil dude doing the pinching is a whole new ball game.

"Good! Now young youths, I want you to be on your best behaviour. I'll leave these two with you Chef Saddler while I go put this little meal on their bill," the desk clerk said with a greedy glint in his blue eyes.

The siblings stood rigid as they were left alone with Saddler, the Parasite psycho King. What was he going to do with them? How were they going to get out of this one?

"Now, what would you like to eat, little Americans? Perhaps some jelly beans while I cook your meals?"

Amy nearly gagged at the thought of consuming the so-called jelly beans. Jeremy turned green and shook his head politely. Saddler looked a little P. about there refusal.

"Mom always told us not to eat sugar before supper. But thanks anyways," Jeremy said quickly. Saddler seemed appeased with the excuse and put the cup of parasite eggs down. He still seemed a little disappointed, but he didn't push it. He didn't know that the siblings knew that he was planting parasite eggs in the food.

"Your mother sounds like a wise woman. Now, tell chef Saddler what you would like to eat."

Amy gulped before answering. "Um, you really don't have to cook for us. In fact, we should get-"

"Oh, it's no trouble. How does an Spanish omlet sound?"

"Sounds yummy," Jeremy said dryly. He didn't want to eat anything the man had to cook. I mean, who would? Sure, Spanish omlets were good, but when a man is hungry for power is doing it, you can't help but feel queasy when he offers to cook for you.

They silently watched as Saddler took out a dozen eggs out of the freezer, some spices from the spice rack, a green and red pepper, some ground sausage meat, and some potatoes from the sack hanging next to the freezer. He immediately began washing the potatoes and slicing them in to little bits, all the while talking to the two silent siblings.

"We get all kinds of people from all over the world. Presidents, movie stars, even royaly. Do not tell anyone this, but we have six of the U.N. members here, discussing the viral outbreak."

Jeremy and Amy gave each other a startled look. Could there be a connection between Saddler being there and the U.N. people? Saddler continued on, not noticing the growing fear on the siblings faces.

"That's why I'm here, baking the goodies. I volunteered for it... They will not be able to resist the power of my cooking. Muah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!"

"Heh, heh. That... sounds interesting. Really, it does. Um.. Is the cake for the U.N. people," Amy asked, feigning interest.

"Yes, it is. I'm presenting it to the honored guests tomorro night in the banquiet hall. If you want, I could save you two a slice. Just tell me your room number so I can send it up to you," Saddler said with a sly look.

"Ooooh, too bad. We probably won't be here tomorrow since we have places to go and places to see. But maybe the next time we visit we'll take you up on that offer," Amy said with a mock sad expression.

"Um, guy, you forgot the cheese," Jeremy pointed out.

"Why, so I have! You two young ones stay here while I check the pantry for my _special _cheese," Saddler said with a creepy tone. He then leaned over the table and whispered,"I made it myself. It has a very special ingredient that will change your life forever!"

Saddler then straightened up and turned to leave. He stopped when he reached the double doors that led to the pantry room.

"Stay where you are," Saddler said in a menacing tone. Then he left.

The two sat there for a few seconds. Should they go? Was the desk clerk in on Saddler's evil plan?

"Amy... I'm not so hungry anymore," Jeremy said in a squeaky voice.

"Neither am I... We should leave... NOW!"

Both turned around to run, but stopped upon seeing two men blocking the door way. They were speaking in rapid Spanish and looked ordinary enough till they turned their heads to look at the siblings.

Their faces were pasty and unhealthy looking. Their red eyes shown brightly when staring at the two Americans. They were Ganado villagers. Only difference was that they were dressed nicely in a chefs outfit with clean aprons.

The four had a staring thing going on. Both sets did not know exactly what to do. The silence was finally broken when Saddler reappeared.

"Here it is! My special cheddar cheese," Saddler said with obvious evil glee.

"Um.. Is it sapposed to have all that... purple stuff," Jeremy asked.

"Yes... Now sit... down," Saddler said slowly.

In case you peeps are wandering, the purple stuff is more eggs. Now where Saddler gets the idea of ingesting the eggs will infect you with the parasite, is a mystery. Then again, this is a chaos fic with random and freaky things. Get use to the things that don't make sense, people!!

Saddler then got straight down to work. He began to cook the ground sausage for the amlet, humming all the while. Strangely, he was humming the funeral tune you hear on the old cartoons.

While the sausage began to sizzle in the frying pan, Saddler was busy trying to get them to spill the beans on the number of people they were staying with in the hotel. You should be proud of these two as they played dumb and acted so innocent.

Then, the unexpected happened. Or really a expected thing that you fans know if you have been sticking with this story thus far. Thus far... Thus far... I like saying that. It makes me sound so smart!... What was I saying again?? Oh! Right! The unexpected happened. The turkey/cow ground sausage meat came alive!! Dun! Dun! Duuuuuuuuun!!

"Dooooooooe! Raaaaaay! Meeeeeee! Faaaaaaaa! Sooooooooo! Laaaaaaa! Teeeeeaaaaaaa! Doooooooooooooooooooe!"

"Oh no. Not again," Saddler groaned.

"Hello my sweet audience. It feels so good to be back alive again. Well, more like the living dead," the cooking meat said in a deep velvety voice.

Amy and Jeremy leaped from there chairs and backed away. Saddler gave them what he thought was an encouraging smile and told them to sit back down.

"No way! We've met too many of those freaky foods to stay still. They're evil food," Jeremy pointed out.

"Oh! No! No! No! I'm not like my cousins! I'm more of a layed back sort who likes to sing and dance!... Then I try to hurt you. Let me explain."

The meat cleared it's... uh... throat like meat substance before giving them the cliff note version. Truth be told, it's a waste of time to write about but I'll do it anyways. I'm the best author in the world... Not!

"I'm a turkey Umbrella experiment gone wrong. Umbrella was using the T-virus and changing it a bit to make it into a super IQ thing. They took a bunch of my turkey brethren and I and injected us with the new virus. It worked of course in the IQ department. The side effects on the other hand was not what they expected."

The meat paused to laugh evily. Strangely enough, he had Saddler and the young youth's attention. Heck, he even has mine!

"We grew to about six inches higher and gained more fat and muscle. Umbrella thought that they had created the ultimate killing machine. But we were not to be used like the way they wanted. We wanted to be free and to live our lives the way we see fit. And- hey!"

Saddler had covered the pan with it's lid, muffling the words of the killer sausage. Curses were heard and eventually name calling at the tall evil guy. Saddler eventually took the lid off and glared at the sizzling meat.

"What did you say," Saddler growled out.

"Let me explain myself in terms that a five year old would understand... YOU- (spits hot grease at Saddler who in turn screams as the grease hits his eyes) ARE- (more hot grease spit) A- (yet more hot spit grease) BEEP! BEEPING! BEEP! BEEP! PANSY!!" (now the grease is being spit out constantly)

Yes, I had to censure the cursing do to the horrible ways he put together the curse words. Don't like it? Then go jump in a lake. I did it for comedic reasons. Ouch! Hey! Who threw that tomato?!

(Krauser is sitting in the audience, shifting his eyes suspiciously. His face is lit up with a grin.)

Hey you! Yeah, the one with the scar! Come here so I can kick your fat butt! Yeah, that's right. I did say you have a fat butt. And I'm glad Leon and Ada kicked your fat butt in Resident Evil 4!!... AHHHHHHHH!

( Krauser comes after author on stage. His lips are curled up in a snarl as he yells while chasing the poor author on the stage. They run around in circles a few times. Then the author runs off the stage and screams while doing so. Krauser turns his arm into that weird looking blade and follows suit.)

Hunk walks on to the stage and faces you, the audience. He just stares, breathing through his green gas mask. His breathing sounds a lot like Darth Vader's... Don't it?

Suddenly, Darth Vador appears and points at Hunk. Hunk seems surprised that a STAR WARS character is here and is pointing at him. Wander what the dark one wants.

"You (breathes) the one who wears the green gas mask (breaths) and breaths as I do. (breaths) I challenge you to a duel. (breaths) Only one can wear the mask and breath in that certain way." (breaths)

Darth Vador suddenly brings out his red light savor. (Hey, I always said the name wrong. Don't sue me if I write the name wrong also!) Hunk takes a step back.

"Darth. (breaths) I can't help it that CAPCOM wrote me this way. (breaths) Just take it easy and-"

"Silence! Behold my power," Vader said as he used his dark force and caused some zombie audience members to float over the stage. Vader quickly slices and dices, mutilating the zombies.

Hunk doesn't have a light saber nore does he think he needs one. With amazing quickness, he drew out his TMP and fired. Not one bullet found it's mark. Vader merely raised one hand while the other hand held the light saber. He copied the matrix move and used the force to freeze the bullets before they reached him.

"Oh beep!"

Hunk drops his now empty TMP and runs for it. Vader lowers his hand, dropping the bullets as he does so.

"Hmm. (Breaths) The force isn't strong with this one. (Breaths) No matter. There can be only one," Vader says before running off the stage to give chase to Hunk.

**On to the Author's buddies, Chris and Scotty**!!

"Here we are with the match of the zombie dogs. The match is about to start so let's cut to Johnny the announcer/referee," Chris said joyfully.

"I want to go home!! ERr. Um... Zombies and zombies, welcome to the next match up. Introducing in the left corner is the killer man eater, man's evil best friend, Nightmare, Siiiiiir Eat's-A-Lot for the remake Res 1 team!!"

Sir Eat's-A-Lot ran down the left corner and jumps into the ring. He growls menacingly at Johnny and starts to follow him around. Johnny gulps and rushes through the next announcment.

"Out of the right corner is the Res 2 team's favorite doggie. He's the drooler of droolers, the eater of feet, the chump from the dump, Fiiiiiddddooooooo!"

Fido ran down, barking happily as he did so. He jumped inside the ring, drooling heavily. Johnny didn't like the look Fido was giving him. All this talk about humans is making me hungry...

"You things know the rules... Keep it gross and... and... just fight already and stop looking at me like I'm food!!"

With that said, Johnny leaped over the ropes and ran to the announcer table and rung the bell. The match started with a bang.

Fido immediately went for the jugular, causing Sir Eats-A-Lot to howl in pain and anger. Since the flesh is rotten, the mouthful tore from the body. This gave Res 1 dog the chance to turn and bite Fido on the butt.

Well, if you have ever watched a dog fight between dogs, then you know what goes on. Biting, yelping, tearing of the flesh. It's all good.

Flesh was torn apart, muscle tissue destroyed by teeth, an eye ball went flying into the audience at one point. Things couldn't get more gruesome for the audience watching by internet. Chris was gleeful as money signs danced around in his head.

In the end, Sir Eats-A-Lot won. He tore poor Fido's head off and took off, trying to find the right spot to bury it. Res 2 zombies booed in their own way while the Res 1 zmbies did a hula dance. That left the score of 2 to 2. A tie.

"Wow! What a match! For those who are at home watching this on your computer, stay tuned for the matches of al matches! George (Res 2 leader) and Tom (Res 1 leader) are going to duke it out for the Zombie Monster Bash title! Now, a word from our sponsors," Chris said with childish glee.

Chris got up to rush over to some more of his posters and sock puppets when Scot grabbed his arm and stopped him. Chris gave his younger brother a puzzled look, waiting for his explanation for his stopping him.

"Don't worry, I got this one covered," Scotty said with a wink.

Chris smiled and sat down to relax. Then a thought struck him. Scotty didn't know who the sponsor was, so how was he...

Scotty jumped in front of the camera with a poster held in front of him. The poster was painted with a cartoon version of him with a microphone in his hand. Printed in bold blue was this, **"THIS PROGRAM IS SPONSORED BY CAPCOM WHO IN TURN IS CHANGING 'CHRIS'S AND SCOTTY'S MONSTER ZOMBIE BASH' INTO 'SCOTTY'S AND HIS BROTHER'S ZOMBIE MONSTER BASH!!' **"

"This program is sponsored by CAPCOM. (A.N: Not really.) Even if they don't know it yet. Remember, order 'Scotty's and his Brother's Zombie Monster Bash' on my web page."

To Chris's disbelief, Scott turned on te CD player which had the song "We Are The Champions" playing. Chris could feel his blood boil as Scott did a little jig while holding the poster. What was his brother thinking?!

Chris snatched the poster away and tore it in two. When Scott gave him a smug look, Chris almost lost it.

"Excuse me, but I thought we agreed that it was 'Chris's and Scotty's Monster Zombie Bash'?"

"It was. But now I changed it."

Chris nodded his head as if he was resigned to the fact that his brother out witted him. Scotty's eyes grew wide. He knew that look very well. Very well indeed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!"

Chris screamed as he pulled a homer and began choking his brother. Scotty copied his action and choked back. All the while, the hme viewers watched in shock as their two favorite hosts tried to kill each other.

"Why you! (gasp) Little! (Gasps) Buger eater!!," Chris gasped out.

"You're! (gasps) Not! (gasps) The only! (gasps) Star of the show," Scotty gasped in a gravely voice. Both of the boys faces turned red and blue.

The camera man just shook his head. Though tempted to stop them, he figured that he should stay out of it. After all, he wasn't payed to stop sibling fights.

"Cwis! (gasps) I (gasps) canth (gasps) bweath!!"

"Me (gasps) weither!"

"Wet wo!"

"Wou wirst," Chris barely got out as his knees began to buckle.

Suddenly, Stan, Kyle, Eric Cartman and Kenny from South Park appear. Cartman has a strange remote control in his hand that glitters and makes a bunch of beeping sounds. The boys look at each other in silence.

"Dude, it worked. It actually worked," Stan said in astonishment.

"Ha! Ha! Told you Kyle! I was right and you were wrong," Cartman said while pushing the remote in Kyles face.

"Shut-up, fat-(beep!)," Kyle retorted back. He crosses his arms and looked away, angry that the over bearing fourth grader was actually right about the remote controller.

"Mmrrrrn! Mrrn mmrn mmmmrn?," Kenny said as he pointed at Chris and Scotty. His orange snow suit making it very difficult to speak clearly.

"Kyyyyyle, yoooou are a looooser for nooooooooot believing meeeeeee," Cartman sang loudly while Kyle's face turned beet red.

"Cartman, I-"

Kyle stopped when Kenny began to hit him on the arm. The boys then noticed that they were in a world totally different from their own. For one, their one dimensional and are cartoons. Our world was like a whole new planet to them.

"Just great! Thanks a lot Cartman! We're stuck on a show that we never heard of before," Stan said accusingly.

"Yeah, nice going lard-(beep!) I thought you said we would be on Survivor," Kyle cursed the angry looking fat kid.

The argument didn't get far due to Chris and Scotty. They had stopped choking each other and instead knelt and stared at their cartoon favorites while gasping for air like a fish out of water.

"What the (beep) are you looking at," Cartman demanded.

"I can't believe it. It's the South Park kids," Chris rasped in a wheezing voice. Scotty was too stunned to say anything.

"Hey! How did you know we're from South Park," Stan asked with suspicion.

"Man, you guys are one of our favorite shows," Scotty finally spoke. Though his voice was low as a whisper due to the previous choking he had just endured.

"Dude, what's he talking about," asked Stan.

"I know what the strange looking guy is talking about. You see, this is an alien planet that is a parallel universe in the year 2220. They've chosen to look like human beings though they are doing it very badly. Yes, I knew that this would happen with my time remote machine clicker," Cartman said in his usual 'I know everything' voice.

"Cut the crap, Cartman. This isn't a alien-what-you-may-call-it thingy. Stop acting like a know it all," Stan said while rolling his eyes.

"Hey," Cartman exclaimed.

"And didn't you say your remote was magic?," Kyle pointed out.

"Nuh-uhn," Cartman retorted in a whiny voice.

"Uh-huh," Kyle said back.

"Chris, Scotty. Uh, we really need to get back with the show. You are on the air," the camera man pointed out.

"But how are we going to be the hosts if we can hardly talk?," Scotty asked.

Chris's eyes lit up. "Why not let these guys do it."

"Do what," asked Kyle.

"Be hosts to the people at home on the Internet watching the 'Chris's and Scotty's Monster Zombie Bash' show," Chris wheezed.

The boys looked at each other with excitement. Them, hosting a show? How cool was that!!

"Really?," asked Stan.

"Sure. Well, at least till we fill better. Now, two of you can fill in for us while the other two goes down and help Johny out with his interviews with the zombie fighters. In fact, one of you can handle the web cam down there while the other helps Johnny out," Scotty said while rubbing his bruised throat.

"Awesome," Stan and Cartman said together. Kyle and Kenny seemed to be the only ones who wanted to go home.

"Guys, I don't think this is such a good idea."

"Oh look! The stupid-"

(Author: No racists remarks Cartman.)

"Dmmph! Whmm wams mmph?"

"I... don't know Kenny. I don't know," Cartman said as he looked up at the sky.

"Anyways, don't you guys remember our old Elementary school news show?"

"Yeah! Except Kenny wasn't on it cause he's too poor! Heh heh heh! Heh heh heh! Heh heh heh heh heh-ow! Keeeenny! Why-ow! STOP IT!"

Chris and Scotty looked at Cartman and Kenny in amusement. It seemed that Kenny had enough of Cartman's antics.

"Hmmm. Yeah, we did bail when we found out that coming up with new ideas for the show was too much work," Stan said as he pondered Kyle's question.

"I don't care what anybody says, we are staying here to do the show!"

Kyle's face turned bright red as his temper began to boil.

"Eric, this isn't our world! This is just some lame show that we never heard of-"

"Shut up Kyle! Just sh- Hey! Don't touch my magical... er... Let go of my clicker!!!!!"

Cartman and Kyl, Stan and Kenny began to struggle with the strange remote. Then a blinding flash filled the sky.... The characters in South park were gone.

"Well.... Guess we're hosting the show," Scotty commented while rubbing his throat.

"Easy come, easy go," Chris replied.

* * *

**A/N: _Wow. It's ben over a year since I started this fic. I'm sorry for waiting so long to update. Life has been crazy around here, along with my crappy computer acting up, posting has become a very hard thing to do. Lot of family problems that got me really down and angry. All creative spark has been gone for a few months. But now I'm back and found the spark again! Thank you SaberTooth for inspiring me some months ago to get back to writing. It got me thinking and laughing again! AND THANK YOU FANS FOR BEING PATIENT!!! _**

**_Oh, and one more thing. We have another recruit for the story! And the Res character that will be stalked by this fan will make things interesting and... well.... crazy. After all..... THIS IS CHAOS IN THE RESIDENT EVIL WORLD!!!!_**

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